Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Mom pro tip: If you're old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you're old enough to make it yourself.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 22, 2015
3: ready! Me: you're not wearing pants! 3: I'm not cold Me: it's cool outside 3: So? Just buy me hot chocolate So I have a new life coach..
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 23, 2015
Belched the words "brush your teeth" to my kids and am now a hero in their eyes. It ain't pretty, it ain't classy, but I get it done.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) September 25, 2015
90% of parenting is saying "Wow" and "Really?" and "That's AMAZING!" to a constant stream of shit you don't care about.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) September 22, 2015
"I like the girl one, not the boy one. Can we listen to the girl one now?" - My 4-year-old's hot take on Ryan Adam's 1989 cover
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) September 21, 2015
There's no such thing as parenting advice. There are only parenting warnings.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 22, 2015
Parenting Level: Using plot points from My Little Pony to win an argument against my 5yo daughter.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) September 22, 2015
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 22, 2015
"Want to see something cool?!" —my son anytime he's about to show me something that isn't really that cool
— The Daddy Complex (@thedaddycomplex) September 23, 2015
The Girl: Why would someone dress like a hamster? Me:.... Do you mean hipster? Girl: What's the difference?
— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) September 24, 2015
There are at least a dozen buzzards circling around the soccer field this morning. Just waiting to pick off a tired kindergartner.
— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) September 20, 2015
Files kid's school fundraising info safely in the trash.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) September 22, 2015
My 5yo knows how to make 100 different mods in Minecraft, but can't cut his own waffle.
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) September 23, 2015
Parenthood is like a roller coaster: Vomit. Lots of vomit.
— Li'l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) September 25, 2015
I seem to be in a Fate's Funniest Home Videos, where in I get kicked in the nutsack every ten minutes and the audience laughs uproariously.
— The Wind Cries Meh (@TheAlexNevil) September 22, 2015
Me: I'm headed to the Eye Doctor. 7: Oh, is he going to fix all the red cracks in your eyes? Me:
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) September 23, 2015
Me (to others) "I want my daughter to grow up to be inquisitive" Me (to my daughter) "Will you stop asking so many $@!# damn questions!"
— The Walking Dad (@RealDMK) September 23, 2015
My 4yo said he could buckle his seatbelt without help this morning. We are still sitting in the driveway & it's starting to get dark.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) September 22, 2015
As a parent, sometimes I get to pee alone in silence. It might be 2:15am. But I’m still alone.
— Court (@Discourt) September 23, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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