Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Googling Literally Everything: A New Mom's Story
— Lori Fradkin (@LoriFradkin) December 11, 2015
I never feel more like a hypocrite than when I'm scolding my son for refusing to get out of bed on a Monday.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 7, 2015
My daughter wakes up with SO much to say.
— Cara (@Carabee) December 8, 2015
When you're a parent, your bucket list looks like this: 3. Drink hot coffee 2. Take a nap 1. Pee alone
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 11, 2015
Life was much easier before my kids had opinions
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) December 7, 2015
I have never been good at math but I really can't figure out how having 2 kids ages you by 10 years in 4 years. Figure that one out Suzy.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) December 11, 2015
Adrian thinks it goes, "Baa baa, black sheep, February wool" and I refuse to correct him.
— Backpacking Dad (@BackpackingDad) December 8, 2015
A 1st grader on the playground: "Hey Mrs. Bernier, you got a big haircut!" Me: "I did! Thanks for noticing." Her: "It looked better long."
— Nichole Bernier (@NicholeBernier) December 8, 2015
Sorry we were late but I was busy explaining why we don't wear our June clothes in December for the 10th day in a row.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) December 11, 2015
YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME EACH & EVERY ONE OF YOUR 174 POKEMON CARDS CATEGORIZED BY THEIR ENERGY TYPES
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) December 9, 2015
Me: *gets baby down for a nap* Neighbor: *revving leaf blower* oh hell yeah, let's do this!
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 9, 2015
Me: All the kids are asleep at the same time. Wife: Do you know what we can finally do? Me: Hell yes. *we both take naps*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 10, 2015
Last night I heard my my son telling The Elf on the Shelf we had 6 people in our family but 2 of them were cats.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) December 7, 2015
"There's A Pancake In The Hallway: and other mysteries of parenting" - a memoir
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) December 10, 2015
Riddle. How many family members does it take to clean up cat vomit? Answer: All 5. 4 to run around yelling GROSS & one to clean it up--Me.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) December 7, 2015
If there's one thing children have taught me it's how to count down from 5 while pretending there's a huge consequence if I ever reach zero.
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) December 11, 2015
If you break it, you buy it. If your kids break it, it's probably something you can't afford. -ParentNormal Law of Predictability
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) December 10, 2015
I know I'm on top of my parenting game when I break out into the Toopy and Binnoo theme song while sitting at my desk.
— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) December 9, 2015
Friend: Have you read any good books lately? Me: What's a book?
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 7, 2015
One thing I definitely underestimated when I first became a father was the great amount of joy embarrassing my kids would bring me.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 10, 2015
We've hit the part of the holidays where the amount of gifts I've threatened to take away is more than the amount actually under the tree.
— The Dose of Reality (@TheDoseTweets) December 11, 2015
Don't let the laundry win.
— Skinnie Talls (@SkinnieTalls) December 8, 2015
Me: "I swear. You argue more than anyone on the face of the planet!" 6yo: "THE PLANET DOESN'T HAVE A FACE!" #PointMade
— Brent Almond (@DesignerDaddy) December 8, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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