The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
change my password??? but that’s my emotional support same password I’ve used for everything since i was 15
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) July 16, 2022
every book is called 'the tiny things we know to be small' or 'the darkest wife'
— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) July 16, 2022
(someone says something nice about me)
— all the time mais (@maisondecris) July 18, 2022
me: I don’t think my mother, the inventor of making me feel bad about myself, would be too pleased to hear about this
Every Beastie Boys song is like “three little piggies, egg-fried rice, I spy some girlies and they all look nice”
— 𝙎𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙝 (@SarahAJCleary) July 17, 2022
My school taught square dancing in the 4th grade because you never know when a Hoedown will break out.
— Aunt Chelle 🏳️🌈✊🏽☕️ (@ravenswng_) July 18, 2022
if we're in a relationship, your clothes are my clothes too. don't ask me why I have your shirt on. this is our shirt
— Temmy🥺 (@milkydrop_) July 18, 2022
microdosing vacation by dissociating at work
— trash jones (@jzux) July 20, 2022
I'm glad it worked out for lilo but stitch absolutely doesn't resemble a dog, there was no reason for that mixup . I googled what the other kids from my high school do and theyre doctors or hedge funds now
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) July 19, 2022
Screaming into a pillow is therapeutic but it also gets you kicked out of Target.
— Kella_lena (@topaz_kell) July 20, 2022
buying edibles in LA: this is a nice little pomegranate-basil 7.357 mg sativa gummy calibrated for a relaxing sense of self-actualization
— molly mary o'brien (@missmollymary) July 17, 2022
buying edibles in amsterdam: this is an unmarked chocolate muffin. we don't know the dose. enjoy outer space
i don’t have a gym membership. my neighbor works out in his front yard and if i’m high enough i just copy everything he does in my living room
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) July 18, 2022
Being left wing is great until you have to move and not one of your friends has a goddamn truck
— Siobhan Thompson, mysterious European heiress (@vornietom) July 18, 2022
i think we are only months away from the return of sky tops pic.twitter.com/LKRe2bQblb
— Carrie Wittmer 🦇 (@carriesnotscary) July 20, 2022
If I say, “It’s not for me” that actually means I don’t think a worse thing has ever existed.
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) July 19, 2022
I would be sooooo good at not having a job ... like okay this week im going to make strawberry rhubarb pie next week we're working on our posture
— rebecca jennings (@rebexxxxa) July 18, 2022
deeply disgusted to discover that in order to get good at a thing I have to do it badly first
— Meg Elison (@megelison) July 20, 2022
it is 91 degrees outside put that natural deodorant DOWN
— megan (@chismosavirus) July 19, 2022
Me: "I love eating fruits and vegetables."
— kelsey mckinney (@mckinneykelsey) July 19, 2022
The fruits and vegetables: pic.twitter.com/pKpA5ooyCU
I consider myself to be a very rational person but I also refuse to use the spoon rest because I don’t want it to get dirty
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 18, 2022
for some reason men on dating apps are obsessed with wanting you to be spontaneous. too bad im a girl and not a bush fire
— anne (@codinghater) July 19, 2022
one thing a french impressionist gonna do is give a buxom woman a fucked up face
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) July 17, 2022
People who forget to eat are amazing to me. I miss one meal and I’m burning bridges with immediate family members. I miss two that’s organ failure, total body and mind shutdown by the end of one calendar day
— cate (@catekitchen) July 19, 2022
She is a 10 but every time you die in a video game she says out loud ' You died '
— Jade-Anh (@itsjadeyanh) July 18, 2022
why does garlic have to wear so many little jackets
— ✿ emma ✿ (@emmahoneyyy) July 19, 2022
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