The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
so we have ice (water) hockey, field (earth) hockey, and air/table (air) hockey…. folks I believe it is time for fire hockey
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) June 22, 2023
there is something so satisfying about using ellipses like a boomer... im in a perpetual state of ponderance... ruminating... my mind a mere cow chewing grass in an open field...
— lola 🌷 (@lil_gods_fave) June 18, 2023
Screen time down 10% this week pic.twitter.com/GlSgVJexeN
— Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) June 18, 2023
me: *falling asleep*
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) June 22, 2023
brain: cheese is just a loaf of milk.
If cis is a slur why haven't I ever heard 8 year olds shouting it into their mics on Fortnite
— merritt k (@merrittk) June 21, 2023
Me pestering my coworkers today pic.twitter.com/DGRzczR972
— Rafa Sales Ross (@rafiews) June 20, 2023
one time in college i got so mad at this girl i went thru her depop likes and started buying stuff so i could wear them around her
— annalise 🦢 (@organicbimbo) June 22, 2023
i went glasses shopping with my beautiful friend to help me pick out a pair. every single one i tried on she said, "those look kind of nerdy"... i dont know if she knows what glasses do to a person's vibe
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) June 21, 2023
me after someone mentions the square footage of a space and i have to pretend i have any sort of concept of what size that could be pic.twitter.com/a4xsZ6EeAz
— m’arty (@maddiewazowski) June 21, 2023
Hey, did you hear about the missing submarine? It's crazy how it went no contact. Kind of makes me think about you, and how we went no contact a few months ago, too. Anyway, hope you're doing well. I'm around if you ever want to hit me up.
— Shannon (@shannonhillmc) June 21, 2023
guy next to me on the plane today was reading myth of sisyphus and was on page 4 when we took off and when i glanced over an hour later he was on page 8
— annika💒 (@femaleweezerfan) June 21, 2023
recommending stuff to ppl visiting nyc like “the taco bell near my apartment is great if you’re in a taco bell mood” and “the rite aid across the street from my apartment is probably the best spot in the city to pick up my prescription”
— chase (@_chase_____) June 20, 2023
What I look like home alone playing with skincare and a curling iron vs what I look like running into a dozen people I know in public: pic.twitter.com/XO5rogEng7
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) June 18, 2023
Would you call this
— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) June 22, 2023
[lowers sunglasses]
Orcanized crime https://t.co/HAOGxX640P
glassdoor and linkedin be like, you’ve been a copywriter for 4 years? you’d be a great fit for this Facilities Maintenance role at Arby’s
— shannon 🐛🦋 (@floppywriter) June 21, 2023
Well obviously not he literally just died pic.twitter.com/0NZ2aAyrQM
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) June 20, 2023
I’ve been on Twitter for like 3 hours today and just went to a real party and watched in horror as I felt the phrase “the submarine lost communication at 11:45am and the coast guard was notified at 6:35pm” leave my lips
— Kylie Brakeman (@deadeyebrakeman) June 21, 2023
OK her quote followed by the price of her tank top has me so 💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/3jWWJu9hUC
— Katie Camero (@camerokt_) June 21, 2023
in the taylor swift show, there's a part where she "dives" under the stage and then the floor plays a video that makes it look like she's swimming from one end to the other. two women sitting behind me in pittsburgh believed this was real
— Kaitlyn Tiffany (@kait_tiffany) June 20, 2023
I don’t want to practice mindfulness. If get any more aware of what’s going on around me I’m gonna start blacking out and speaking in riddles
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) June 20, 2023
This one is Anne Hathaway at the Ella Enchanted (2004) premiere https://t.co/9CRIFO220M pic.twitter.com/PZCbl2TzAU
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) June 20, 2023
i don’t usually tell ppl how to parent but i was at a wedding once and saw a toddler walking around drinking a pabst blue ribbon and i had to step in because craft beers are so much better.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) June 22, 2023
im saving money which means im spending the same amount of money i usually do i just feel extremely guilty about it
— sami (@womenlovebot) June 22, 2023
It’s wild to me that it took so long for women to start getting proper autism diagnoses. They invented quilting. QUILTING. “Whatcha doing, mom?”
— Eliza Skinner #wgastrong (@elizaskinner) June 19, 2023
“Just making very exacting intricate designs out of geometry and tiny perfect fabric squares.”
“Seems normal.”
“ I’m so sorry I’m late, the traffic was crazy….”
— Invis🍒 (@invis4yo) June 17, 2023
The traffic : pic.twitter.com/krbECBm3Ni
Me looking at married people like ok there’s no way you all learned to love yourself first
— Hope Rehak supports all striking labor (@HopeRehak) June 21, 2023
What am I? A child bride? https://t.co/rfDHJB9lrl
— bruja (@graxemeda) June 22, 2023
A club where you sit in silence and untangle necklaces
— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) June 23, 2023
I hate that I’ve aged out of people gifting me saucy little shot glasses that I would never buy for myself.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) June 21, 2023
me leaving my body when someone's reading me directions to a board game: pic.twitter.com/AaroBzL4zI
— You Will Find Your People is out now📚 (@hellolanemoore) June 17, 2023
Just found out my boyfriend doesn’t put his photos on the cloud and when he gets a new phone he loses all his old photos from the last phone because— and I quote— “why would I need to see an old picture?”
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) June 21, 2023
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