The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this weekโs great tweets from women, and then visit our โFunniest Tweets From Womenโ page for past roundups.
I'm the butch in this household, but when it's time to stick a snake down a drain to unclog it, I'm standing up on top of the table screaming, like a cartoon '50s housewife who saw a mouse.
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) July 13, 2023
is Timothee Chalametโs Wonka movie going to include the scene where influencers were invited to the factory on a brand trip
— lea chin-sang (@bigfatmoosepssy) July 12, 2023
me at 16: i am going to be so successful when i grow up
— trash jones (@jzux) July 12, 2023
me now: maybe someday i will have enough energy to start a hobby
Guys, Iโm seeing peplum tops and statement necklaces in downtown DC with alarming frequency. Stay safe out there.
— hayleyยฎ (@hayleyalex) July 12, 2023
ur home should have at least one tiny table that is cluttered with items that have no relation to each other yet manage 2 tell a story
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) July 12, 2023
I'm sorry if I have trust issues and seem skeptical most of the time, it's just that the world was supposed to end in 2012 per the ancient mayan calendar
— inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) July 13, 2023
Me opening the Google Doc while the editor is in there pic.twitter.com/6FFWq6Jbw9
— J'na Jefferson (@jnajefferson) July 12, 2023
boss: your coworker is concerned you don't like them
— ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ (@frigginfrench) July 10, 2023
me: oh, I don't.
boss:
me: anything else?
I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 13, 2023
hey chatgpt, define a โhot girl summerโ pic.twitter.com/qLTnqFRpIO
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) July 9, 2023
I hope this email finds you not cutting your own bangs.
— Kellalena (@topaz_kell) July 11, 2023
?? Why would I have wanted a 4 x 6 mm print? Like why even have that option lol @cvspharmacy pic.twitter.com/Kr1wpPAUTf
— sixers smasey (@SMASEY) July 13, 2023
back in wisconsin for the first time in 6 months and i just said โope sorry im gonna just squeeze past yaโ to a ROOMBA. itโs like i never left.
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) July 13, 2023
Last night I found out what happens when you drink six margaritas.
— Cardi B (@iamcardib) July 12, 2023
My friend Dave before a festival pic.twitter.com/MMpMZVacM1
— Hilary Agro ๐ (@hilaryagro) July 13, 2023
Is 7am too early to start gnawing on a block of sharp cheddar?
— ๐๐๐๐ (@Vathighna) July 13, 2023
eating my girl dinner, taking my hot girl walk, listening to my sad girl music, reading my feral girl books, going out dancing with my girlianas, getting bevvies with my girlipops, every day a slow march towards death (Womanhood)...
— emma kupor! (@EmmaKupor) July 10, 2023
Best excuse to miss a meeting ever pic.twitter.com/y8xj8af4Yp
— Carly Anne York, Ph.D. (@BiologyCarly) July 10, 2023
My bed is worth more than my car, just in case youโre curious what my priorities are
— Tada (@krystaunclear) July 13, 2023
I have this routine where I make loud yawny sounds and announce Iโm going to bed at least 10 times before I actually go to bed. Itโs like a cute little pep talk to myself and everyone loves it.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 13, 2023
What if Neapolitan ice cream just dumped strawberry for caramel, no one would be mad at that
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) July 13, 2023
If I die and they find my vibrator I'll be more embarrassed about the duct tape
— ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐น๐๐ธ๐ฒ (@im_all_id) July 13, 2023
nobody:
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) July 10, 2023
my brain: I transferred from Los Angeles your school has no gymnastics team this is a last resort
The Wi-Fi is out so I guess Iโll have to go harvest DVDs from the field the way my grandmother used to do.
— Kelly (@kelly__le) July 10, 2023
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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