Thanks to Hollywood and nostalgia, the idea of “the great American road trip” occupies a warm place in many people’s hearts.
But the reality is far less glamorous. From the monotony of highways to the frustration of traffic to the seemingly constant need to stop and pee, there are many unpleasant aspects to this kind of travel.
We’ve rounded up honest and hilarious tweets about road trips. Enjoy the ride!
When can we stop and eat?
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 13, 2017
-me, 10 minutes into an eight-hour road trip
Road trip rules
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 21, 2016
1) I control the radio while I'm driving
2) I control the radio while you're driving
IMPRESSION OF A ROAD TRIP:
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 2, 2016
min 7 - WE ARE ALL BESHST FRANDZZZ
min 52 - i wonder if i could roll out of a moving car
min 111 - who killed jfk
road trips are the best vacations because they combine my two favorite things: air conditioning and sitting down
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) May 28, 2016
The first 30 minutes of any road trip is spent mentally cataloging everything you forgot to pack.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) June 27, 2018
No one is full of more false hope than a parent organizing car ride activities before a long road trip.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 3, 2018
when we'd go on a road trip, my dad would see a sign that said "the best burgers" and be like, oh we have to stop there, they have the best!
— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 22, 2016
Mumford and Sons: because the "beginning of road trip" scenes in movies need music
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) May 24, 2015
Friend: We should go on a road trip.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 30, 2017
Me: Absolutely. Let's do it.
Friend: You could bring your kids.
Me: I'm busy that weekend.
Going on a road trip is basically the art of finding a place to buy coffee followed by finding a place to pee in a loop forever.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) May 7, 2018
Road trip mixtape. Girl from Ipanema and Waze on same phone: “ That when she passes, each one she passes goes TURN RIGHT IN 100 FEET!
— John Dickerson (@jdickerson) November 21, 2018
Headed out on a road trip with my husband so if I’m never heard from again he probably got us lost because he “doesn’t need directions.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 27, 2019
An easy way to add 45 minutes to a road trip is to let your kids pick out a snack when you stop for gas.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 26, 2014
friend: got all 5 kids loaded in for the road trip. where do u want to sit
— beth who supports impeaching the dipshit president (@bourgeoisalien) August 26, 2016
me: pic.twitter.com/nD8mxhb5xO
Road trips are great until your butt falls asleep and starts screaming at you to fix it.
— Garrett Jacobs (@garrett_jacobs_) May 16, 2018
A harmonica is a perfect thing to send with your kid if they are going on a long road trip with your spouse.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 27, 2018
The most shameful thing a dad can do is be the one who has to pee on a road trip.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 2, 2016
Road trip through the mountains reminds me how lovely thWHAT THE HECK IS 2G SIGNAL???!!! HOWISTHATEVENATHINGANYMOREWTF
— Marl (@Marlebean) June 20, 2017
Me, to my kids: Fast food is disgusting and unhealthy. We don’t eat that junk.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 29, 2018
Me, to my kids, five hours into a road trip: YOU’D BETTER EAT THOSE MCNUGGETS BEFORE I COME BACK THERE AND PUKE THEM INTO YOUR MOUTHS LIKE A MAMA BIRD!
No road trip is complete until my husband goes off on rant about people who don't understand concept of passing lane. #check
— sarahdessen (@sarahdessen) June 17, 2015
My wife's is clearing out her car for a road trip.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) November 18, 2017
She just came in with so much stuff I asked if she was shopping.
Saw 8 vasectomy billboards on my 4 hour road trip through Florida yesterday. It's like Florida knows what has to be done to Florida.
— beth who supports impeaching the dipshit president (@bourgeoisalien) September 26, 2015
Nobody's more mad with power than whoever's controlling the radio on a road trip
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 12, 2014
*spends 5 hours packing & loading the car for family road trip
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) August 31, 2017
*child forgets to wear shoes
The worst part of stopping during a road trip is knowing all the idiots you've passed are once again getting ahead of you.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) September 27, 2014
On a road trip passing a billboard that says live girls dancing daily.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 21, 2019
My daughter’s voice from the backseat, “wow, that’s a lot of recitals.”
{Road trip hour 12 ½}
— Marl (@Marlebean) July 5, 2018
Husband singing along to the radio: "🎵This is what it it sounds like,
when dogs cry.🎵
Man, George Micheal is great."
Me: "We should get a divorce."
Dads on a road trip have to pee sometimes too we just know if we can outlast one of you we can blame you for stopping
— The Dad (@thedad) April 1, 2018
You're not truly a parent until you've yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 28, 2016
I can’t tell if you’re my soulmate until I know what snacks you bring for a road trip.
— ℳ (@Love_bug1016) September 22, 2019
If pop culture’s taught me one thing it’s that a road trip is meaningless unless someone brings along an urn filled with ashes.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 6, 2019
I'm taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 1, 2016
We've already had 2 major tantrums.
We haven't even left yet.
Avenge my death.
i have never gone on a road trip without peeing in a plastic cup at some point it’s inevitable
— emma (@emmachamberlain) April 11, 2019
[on a road trip]
— Indy OGV (@IndecisiveJones) September 17, 2019
Me: Crap, I think that was our exit, did anybody see the sign?
Them: Sorry I missed it.
Ace of Base: I saw the sign!
(Leaving for a road trip)
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) August 8, 2017
Me: Let's buy snacks for the road!
*Buys $20 worth & finishes them before crossing city limits.