Well color us late to the party. Apparently since Valentine's Day is all about the ladies in relationships, men have decided they need a romantic day (March 14) especially dedicated to them.
And while shopping for a wife or girlfriend is full of present pitfalls (chocolate or flowers? Jewelry or dinner?), men only want two things: steak and a BJ.
We're not exactly sure how a night of red meat and oral sex on March 14 is any different from what couples end up doing on Feb. 14. But if you want to actually celebrate the big night, the Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood is offering a free class Wednesday on oral sex techniques, complete with a chance to win free steaks and gifts cards from butchers Lindy & Grundy, reports LAist.
Called "Head of the Class: Blowjobs 201," the workshop is for people who feel "confident in giving head, but [want] to take their skills to the next level." The class will help students perfect "grip and mouth movement," as well help tailor BJs to specific partners.
Be warned: classes fill up fast.
Think steak and oral sex is crude? They're probably not as bad as these 17 Valentine's Day gifts that will definitely ruin your relationship.
Valentine's Day Gifts That Will End Your Relationship
Sex Checks(01 of17)
The description boasts, "Who says money can't buy you love?" which we're pretty sure was the original slogan for prostitution. (credit:<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Checks-Maintaining-Balance-Bedroom/dp/030745052X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1328813486&sr=8-2&tag=vglnkc7210-20" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Amazon" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Checks-Maintaining-Balance-Bedroom/dp/030745052X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1328813486&sr=8-2&tag=vglnkc7210-20" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="13" data-vars-position-in-unit="19">Amazon</a>)
Gym Membership(02 of17)
Everyone wants a gym membership, but no one wants to be told they need one. (credit:Alamy)
Porn(03 of17)
While one generally wants Valentine's Day to culminate in sexual congress, the gift of porn most likely strikes the wrong tone. (credit:Alamy)
Sleepwalk With Me on DVD(04 of17)
This is a great movie, and we could not love it more. But Mike Birbiglia's directorial debut is so painfully honest about a relationship that isn't meant to be, it's inspired several break-ups. Save this one for any other holiday. (credit:Amazon.com)
The Tandem Glove(05 of17)
This just screams codependence. You don't want your partner re-evaluating your relationship with his/her therapist on Valentine's Day. (credit:<a href="http://i.imgur.com/UZfI0.jpg" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Imgur" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://i.imgur.com/UZfI0.jpg" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="12" data-vars-position-in-unit="18">Imgur</a>)
The 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Toy Collection(06 of17)
This Valentine's Day, only one gift says, "I have terrible taste and I'm even worse in bed." (credit:<a href="http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/love/Fifty+Shades+Of+Grey-259865.html" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="femalefirst.co.uk" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/love/Fifty+Shades+Of+Grey-259865.html" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="11" data-vars-position-in-unit="17">femalefirst.co.uk</a>)
Sex Scratch-Offs(07 of17)
At this point, actual scratch-off Lotto tickets would be more desirable. (credit:<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Scratchers-Lottery-Tickets-Scratch/dp/B003BVK2Z8/ref=sr_1_33?ie=UTF8&qid=1328814124&sr=8-33&tag=vglnkc7210-20" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Amazon" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Scratchers-Lottery-Tickets-Scratch/dp/B003BVK2Z8/ref=sr_1_33?ie=UTF8&qid=1328814124&sr=8-33&tag=vglnkc7210-20" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="10" data-vars-position-in-unit="16">Amazon</a>)
Fresh Balls(08 of17)
"Honey... We need to talk." (credit:<a href="http://www.shopinprivate.com/fresh-balls.html" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Shop In Private" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.shopinprivate.com/fresh-balls.html" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="9" data-vars-position-in-unit="15">Shop In Private</a>)
Instructional TED Talk(09 of17)
Yeah, this isn't going to go over well. (credit:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Flickr" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="7" data-vars-position-in-unit="13">Flickr</a>:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/44124348109@N01/3282177021" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="jurvetson" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/photos/44124348109@N01/3282177021" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="8" data-vars-position-in-unit="14">jurvetson</a>)
Visa Gift Card(10 of17)
Remember that moment in "The Apartment" when Fred MacMurray said he didn't know what to get Shirley MacLaine and then he gave her a $100 and said to go buy herself something nice? Yeah, that didn't end well. (credit:Alamy)
A Snake(11 of17)
A snake can be an amazing pet for the right person, but as a Valentine's gift it probably sends the wrong message. (credit:Alamy)
The Complete Saw Collection On Blu-Ray(12 of17)
Sorry, Patrick Bateman, this just isn't working out. And it's definitely not me, it's you. (credit:Amazon.com)
Massage Chair(13 of17)
Buying a gift that's clearly for you will be just another example of your failure as a partner. (credit:Wanelo.com)
A Bible(14 of17)
Even if you're devoutly religious, we can't see how this would satisfy anyone's Valentine's Day wishes (even if it did come with the accompanying graffiti). (credit:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Flickr" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="4" data-vars-position-in-unit="10">Flickr</a>:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/52859023@N00/2340887495" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="karindalziel" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/photos/52859023@N00/2340887495" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="5" data-vars-position-in-unit="11">karindalziel</a>)
Bliss Fat Girl Six Pack(15 of17)
Pretty sure this one is a no-brainer, but just in case.
Name Tattoo(16 of17)
This one depends entirely on how long you've been with the person, but chances are, it hasn't been long enough to not completely freak out your significant other. (credit:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Flickr" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="2" data-vars-position-in-unit="8">Flickr</a>:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/tupwanders/200141627/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Tuppus" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/photos/tupwanders/200141627/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="3" data-vars-position-in-unit="9">Tuppus</a>)
Nothing(17 of17)
Everyone likes to say they don't care about Valentine's Day, but the bottom line is that no one wants to feel forgotten or unappreciated by the person they're with, especially not your soon-to-be ex. (credit:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Flickr" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="0" data-vars-position-in-unit="6">Flickr</a>:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/89585333@N00/5445886932" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="marctasman" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5be2bffbe4b028402f7d972e" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/photos/89585333@N00/5445886932" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="1" data-vars-position-in-unit="7">marctasman</a>)
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