The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
Just saw a headline about McGraw-Hill which reminds me that when I was a kid I thought Tim McGraw and Faith Hill made textbooks when they weren't on tour
— T Kira Madden (@tkiramadden) May 4, 2020
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a fish a man and he eats for a week.
— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) May 3, 2020
someone told me I need to “get out of my head,” and like okay but where else am I gonna go? All the bars and restaurants are closed.
— Allison P Davis (@AllisonPDavis) May 5, 2020
guys from high school will message you on Facebook and be like “seems like you’re really killing it! congrats on killing it”
— grace spelman (@GraceSpelman) May 2, 2020
Toxic Shock Syndrome ended up being way less of a thing than Seventeen Magazine led me to believe it would be
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) May 3, 2020
ppl b like “it’s gonna get better on season 8!”
— telyani (@somalidolly) May 4, 2020
Whenever I get sad I think about the time my mom called Harry Potter “Pottery Barn” by accident
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) May 3, 2020
I miss touching things I’m not going to buy.
— carla ciccone (@cciccone) May 4, 2020
maybe today's the day when the cat will finally tell me how he got so handsome
— Kelli María Korducki (@kelkord) May 6, 2020
When letters are like “to whom it may concern,” they’re for ME!!! I’m always concerned!!!!!!!
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 2, 2020
did not expect the sequel to "hot girl summer" to be the "fall of man"
— caroline twine 🐋✨ (@carolinetwyman) May 6, 2020
Ugh I saw so many people out today when I was out today!!!!!
— Sudi Green (@Sudi_Green) May 3, 2020
I used 6,000 N95 masks to spell out "THANK U HEROES!!!!!" on the beach then lit them on fire so nurses all over the world could see ♥️
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) May 7, 2020
I love texting “hold on let me take one for you 👀” waiting exactly 6 minutes then sending a nude I took 8 months ago for the last guy I was into
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) May 6, 2020
"One box of murder hornets, please. And yes, it's a gift."
— Cathryn 🦝💚 (@AngryRaccoon2) May 3, 2020
I don’t care what weight adele is, I just want her to know I would murder her ex husband for her if she asked
— arabelle sicardi (@arabellesicardi) May 6, 2020
for once, i’d just like to spiral into control.
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) May 5, 2020
When Beyoncé said “I’d rather die young than live my life without you”, I did not feel that.
— Zora Neale Hustlin’ (@MarsinCharge) May 2, 2020
Is it spelled titties or tiddies? I want this family newsletter to be perfect.
— Girl on the Hill 🦉 (@Mom_Overboard) May 5, 2020
I wanted to blame quarantine for my constant oily hair till I read the shampoo bottle this morning and it said conditioner.
— Kristen Schaal (@kristenschaaled) May 7, 2020
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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