The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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"Why Can't It Be Bedtime Yet" and other tales from middle age
— Susan Spooky (@susanemoney) September 30, 2018
If only women’s incandescent rage could replace fossil fuels.
— ana marie cox (@anamariecox) October 3, 2018
According to my DNA results I'm 100% over this shit
— beth, a ghost👻™ (@bourgeoisalien) October 2, 2018
just ordered a turkey sandwich and a pot of coffee like the grizzled old detective that I am
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) October 1, 2018
let's stop asking KANYE and start asking....SHOULDYE
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 1, 2018
lady got a turtle out of the road and the woman in the car next to me yelled “yes bitch turtle power” and that is all i needed from today, thank you v much
— Kristen Arnett of the Living Dead (@Kristen_Arnett) September 29, 2018
"you spend yo time drinking wine in yo living room" is the most relatable lyric i've heard from a man since nice for what dropped.
— king crissle (@crissles) September 29, 2018
Sure, sex is great, but have you ever had someone genuinely laugh uproariously at a funny thing you say in person?
— In Nicoled Blood (@Nicole_Cliffe) October 3, 2018
One of my top five intriguing human inconsistencies is when someone agrees with you but sounds like they're mad at you PICK A LANE
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 2, 2018
bears are forest puppies i don’t want to hear another word about it
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) September 30, 2018
Me finding my friends in the club after wandering off for two hours pic.twitter.com/Oi6EmRlltz
— sophie (@sophxthompson) October 3, 2018
Isn’t it weird that you have one hand that can do all kinds of shit and the other one is like “fuck! How do I hold a pencil?”?
— DawnyDarko (@d_danger76) September 30, 2018
When I can't stop thinking about a guy I just imagine a witch put a spell on me to like him, and that I'm defeating a witch if I switch focus.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) September 30, 2018
Society: "DO YOU WANT TO BE NICE, OR DO YOU WANT TO WIN?!"
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) September 30, 2018
Me: "As I have repeatedly tried to make clear, I would like to be nice, please."
My definition of a bar fight is the verbal back and forth of "I love you so much" "no I love YOU so much" "no, no, I love YOU so much" with a random girl in the line for the bathroom, in this essay I will
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) October 2, 2018
If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) September 30, 2018
"15 miles to the pic.twitter.com/OD2Aewqavo
Man next to me on the subway fell asleep and his head dropped onto my shoulder for a sec and anyway I have a husband now
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 2, 2018
"you'll see! you'll all see!!!!!" screamed the confident optometrist.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) October 3, 2018
Coming to terms with the fact that I’m not “outdoorsy”
— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) October 3, 2018
captain’s log, day 947: the coffee shop added sugar to their house made almond milk and they’re lying to me about it
— Jessica Blankenship (@blanketboat) October 4, 2018
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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