The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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i bought a beyonce christmas ornament with absolutely no thought of buying a christmas tree.
— king crissle (@crissles) December 18, 2017
Tbh watching clueless bros try to navigate Sephora is one of the most pure holiday traditions.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) December 16, 2017
this guy walked by me and asked “why you smiling at your phone for? is he that important?” and i said “yeah he is” but i was looking at this picture pic.twitter.com/fF0ngVyA1C
— cardi t (@radioheadass) December 18, 2017
man: hi
— steph (@stephsstone) December 21, 2017
me: yeah right like i’m gonna fall for that again
If I was on The Bachelor instead of roses I'd give out pizza slices and whoever blotted theirs with a napkin has to go home
— Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) December 15, 2017
I think we should ban the word President until further notice
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 17, 2017
[explaining New Years Eve to an alien]
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 20, 2017
It's when you don't want to be invited to anything, but you're upset if you aren't.
Just gave my first ukelele lesson. Spent a hour convincing this girl why she should not be learning ukelele. feels good to help others.
— Luwanda (@LuwandaJenkins) December 18, 2017
vegan and affordable makeup remover hack: cry!!
— Marissa Miller Kovac (@Marissa__Miller) December 18, 2017
The only good thing exercise has going for it is that Donald Trump does not do it.
— porochista khakpour (@PKhakpour) December 18, 2017
The outburst I had at JoAnn’s Fabrics is not reflective of who I am.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) December 16, 2017
me: "life is short, always tell people you love them and how you feel about them"
— farwz (@farwzz) December 18, 2017
also me: *would rather die than talk about my feelings*
Wait who the fuck is going big when going home is an option? I love home.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) December 20, 2017
I've given up sleep and replaced it with big curly hair and a strong red lip.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) December 19, 2017
I didn’t sexually harass anyone today. I’m going to celebrate by drinking some mulled cider.
— Imani Gandy Canes (@AngryBlackLady) December 19, 2017
You can all PayPal me cookies.
God grant me the confidence of people who play music on their phones in public and don’t wear headphones
— Allison Kilkenny (@allisonkilkenny) December 18, 2017
You become an adult when you open a carton of eggs to check it before buying.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 19, 2017
MILLION DOLLAR IDEA DO NOT STEAL: two-player spin the bottle
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) December 17, 2017
I’m gonna get a cup of tea and enjoy my Saturday morning.
— wikipedia brown (@eveewing) December 19, 2017
[realizes it’s Tuesday]
oh
well have a great Tuesday everyone
ME: I know a good amount of things
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) December 17, 2017
CROSSWORD PUZZLES: lol
