The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
I would love to go to sleep but I simply CANNOT until I figure out if this girl I barely know got divorced or not
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 16, 2023
Was in Paris on Friday night and a handsome French man was flirting with me and I asked him what his name was and he said (very Frenchly) “Ah you will be disappointed” and I thought what a silly thing to say and then he said “it is Kevin” and you know what? I was disappointed.
— molly (@mollyEatsTofu) January 15, 2023
sorry can't hang today, i (62 inches tall) am lying down along various walls of my apartment to see where a loveseat (62 inches long) could fit. and having the time of my life
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 16, 2023
These are MOOD RINGS respect your ELDERS pic.twitter.com/edCXYiMzR9
— Laura Spitalniak (@LauraSpitalniak) January 16, 2023
i love when vets knock before they come into the room. like yes my dog is naked but she also arrived that way
— a goose (@nikkifranki) January 17, 2023
The girls (my necklaces) are fightttinggg (are tangled)
— huma (@humahasit) January 15, 2023
I love saturdays because I get to play my favorite game: how do I sleep in enough that I feel refreshed but not so much that I feel a creeping existential dread and the feeling that I’m wasting my youth
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) January 14, 2023
Not this cartoon French peasant summarizing grocery shopping in 2022 pic.twitter.com/ik6fC38LQC
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) January 16, 2023
you want me to find a husband? The person who is statistically most likely to murder me?
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) January 15, 2023
the TSA agent held up my bin as an example to the rest of the line on how to go through security correctly. this means I got an A in airport travel, which is a completely normal thing to strive for and attain
— katie (@katie_moats) January 15, 2023
when a hot person at work emails me i’m like this email could have been a meeting
— trash jones (@jzux) January 18, 2023
i hate when i’m trying to show my frens an amazing show and it starts off slow asf , like why are you embarrassing me ??
— ? (@aliyahInterlude) January 17, 2023
i’m not really an astrology girly, but I do know that when I tell someone I’m a gemini and they respond with “that makes sense“ it means they don’t really like me very much
— shelby wolstein (@ShelbyWolstein) January 15, 2023
My dad seriously sent this to our family groupchat im crying pic.twitter.com/em70wVKHti
— snakel3t (@snakel3t) January 17, 2023
January is a test run, we go for real in February, unless February is also bad in which case it is a rehearsal for March
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) January 16, 2023
me: today i’m going to be quiet and mysterious
— flamin nora (@katierpacker) January 15, 2023
me 5 seconds later: pic.twitter.com/6yTGxuUTUp
timothée chalamet being older than paul mescal is wild because paul mescal playing a dad of an 11yo girl in a movie is totally believable, but if i saw timothee with a baby i'd be like oh a teen parent
— via (@lusthighway) January 15, 2023
i was sooooo dumb when i was younger (5 months ago)
— The Notorious J.O.V. (@whotfisjovana) January 16, 2023
i see so many ppl on tiktok use so many harsh cleaning products for the simplest tasks… why are you making mustard gas to clean your floor
— yasmin (@ycsm1n) January 18, 2023
A girl at the bar last night complimented my pants in the bathroom and asked where I got them and I said the thrift store and she said “I hate that” and then she came up to me an hour later to clarify that she did not actually hate that she just never finds stuff at the thrift
— lifeless wig (@licoricewhip) January 15, 2023
The Real Housewives of Inisherin
— raina (@quakerraina) January 19, 2023
i need being a preteen to come back so bad why am i fighting a 13 y/o for the last fenty heat lipgloss. what happened to lipsmackers 😐
— sarah lugor! (@sarahlugor) January 19, 2023
My bestie just had her 4th baby and she did a full on announcement complete with a lil wooden tag. If I have 4 children, that 4th child will be introduced like a soft-launch boyfriend. They will simply start appearing in instagram stories.
— emily petrini (@emilykmay) January 18, 2023
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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