We’ve come a long way, baby, for diversity within the U.S. military and inclusion for LGBT service members, however a “controversial Pentagon directive that would allow transgender men and women to join the military beginning this summer now faces indefinite delay” according to Military Times.
The ‘T’ of LGBT might be the last frontier in terms of the military’s acceptance for LGBT. It was just one year ago, in June of 2016, that the military abolished the rule that said transgender people could be involuntarily discharged or denied continuation of service just for being transgender. This opened the way for the inclusion of all members of LGBT.
Secretary of Defense James Mattis “made clear he had no intention to dismantle Obama’s changes in our armed forces to support LGBTQ service personnel during his confirmation hearings” according to LGBTQ Nation in their piece on June 2, 2017, in which they attempted to calm rumors that the Trump Administration would pull out on the directive set to be implemented July 1, 2017, saying, “But could this be fake news, spread by anti-transgender forces within the military establishment?” (But wait, what about LGBTQ? What about ‘Queer’? Perhaps we’ll save that for a different story.)
Yet, indeed the Trump Administration had its reservations and Friday Defense Secretary Jim Mattis approved a six-month delay in allowing transgender recruits to join the U.S. armed forces.
So here we are. Let’s all take a deep breath, stop thinking and worrying and judging, and just listen.
The voices of two brave U.S. Air Force airmen—members of the military’s LGBT community—tell a very human story. It’s a story of our times and a sincere plea to open hearts and minds…and to never, ever go backwards. And because, as of today, we still can’t hear fully from the trans voice in military service, let’s listen to the experiences of those who forged before them—LGB…
This is a story of our times, one that juxtaposes the experiences of U.S. Air Force Tech Sergeant Martin Rodriquez (right), 34, who remembers Don't Ask, Don't Tell, with those of Senior Airman Kayla Betts (left), 26, who never experienced DADT, and says she's always been "out" and accepted by her Air Force colleagues.
When U.S. Air Force Tech Sergeant Martin Rodriquez, began his military career in 2001, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) was the military’s official policy, barring openly gay, lesbian and bisexual service members, because their presence “would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability” according to the language within the policy. Yet, this Clinton Administration Department of Defense directive was an upgrade at that time, and frankly, the best that they could do given the popular culture in America in 1994 when it was made law.
Yet, now we must ask: Who was deviant to the U.S. military’s morale, good order, discipline and cohesion?
“Man, I’d really like to take you out. I bet I could make some good money with you if I take you down to San Francisco to a nice corner. I could put a nice little skirt on you and make some good money.”
TSgt Rodriguez will never forget the abuse from a superior who outranked him and had taunted him daily. “As a young airman I didn’t feel comfortable coming out and saying that I got sexually harassed. What if I get questioned, will they question my sexuality as well? That’s going to jeopardize my job. So I didn’t say anything. I felt overwhelmed,” he explains adding, “I definitely couldn’t tell anybody. We had great airmen kicked out of the military because of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. People who gave a big contribution were kicked out because of their sexual orientation.”
Many lesbian, gay and bi people in the military had been victimized, bullied and rejected from service and social circles until President Barack Obama signed the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Repeal Act on December 22, 2010.
There are eight years between TSgt Rodriquez, 34, and his Air Force colleague Senior Airman Kayla Betts, 26. Just eight years bridge a divide between isolation and independence. SrA Betts is an openly gay woman who entered the military in 2012 and never experienced DADT.
“Coming into to the military, after Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed, I’ve always been accepted. My first base was in Montgomery Alabama—Maxwell Air Force. I was out on Facebook and whenever you have a new airman coming in, everyone goes to Facebook to see who they are, learn about them. So that’s how my first base found out about me, through Facebook. When I got there I was accepted. I never had any issues. I was able to talk about who I was dating. I would bring that person to functions. So it was very easy for me,” says SrA Betts.
In 2015, sexual orientation was added to the Military Equal Opportunity policy, which meant that LGBT servicemen and women would be protected from discrimination that prevents them from rising up to higher levels in the military.
SrA Betts (nee Klasing)—who is a newlywed, thanks to the legalization of same sex marriage nationwide in the U.S. on June 26, 2015—admits that as a woman and a millennial, being gay is easier, in terms of societal pressures; than being a gay man, bisexual or transgender individual in any era. After all, it’s not a new concept that many men fantasize over the idea of two women having ‘relations’. She says, “I think that’s very true. Being a female, it’s almost looked on as attractive to some people.” (Certainly, Katy Perry’s No. 1 hit single, “I Kissed A Girl,” had an affect on popular culture and popular opinion, topping the Billboard Chart for seven consecutive weeks.)
December 23, 2016, was wedding day for SrA Kayla Betts (nee Klasing, left) and Lauren Betts (right). The ceremony in Enid, Oklahoma, was officiated by Kayla’s brother, Ryan Klasing (center). “The way I explain it is that it’s all personality for me. She’s a great person,” SrA Betts says of her wife Lauren.
And still, interestingly, she has been accepted even more readily within the Air Force than often in society at large. She gives this example, “We (SrA Betts and her spouse, Lauren) were in Taco Bell the other day. We ordered and then both turned around and there was a straight couple just staring at us. It was pretty obvious that they were looking at us for who we are. My wife has short hair and dresses like a guy, but you can tell that she’s a female. And so we just felt really awkward in that moment. We thought let’s just let our food come out so we can get out of here. That’s still pretty common.” She adds, “My wish is that we would not be threatened so much. A month ago I went to the Pulse Night Club memorial. Just being there and thinking about what happened—it was so outrageous to me that someone would have that much hate in their heart.”
“It’s important for people to realize that we’re just like anyone else. I think people just need to start seeing people rather than color and gender. I might not like onions and you do. I like girls and you don’t. It’s not that complicated. People are people,” says SrA Betts, who is a Mental Health Technician at the base.
It calls to mind the interrogation scene from the 2014 movie, The Imitation Game, when actor Benedict Cumberbatch, playing legendary cryptanalyst and outed homosexual Alan Turing, says, “You like strawberries, I hate ice-skating, you cry at sad films, I am allergic to pollen. What is the point of different tastes, different preferences, if not, to say that our brains work differently, that we think differently?” Just imagine the brilliant asset that the Brits at Bletchley Park—rather, the world—would have missed out on if Turing had been criminalized for his sexual orientation before he helped win World War II.
This year, TSgt Rodriguez initiated, and is the President of, the first-ever LGBT committee at Tyndall Air Force Base, Fla., where both he and SrA Betts—a committee member—are currently stationed. The club’s purpose is to provide fellowship, support and education about diversity. (But, what about the ‘T’ of LGBT?)
Technical Sgt. Martin Rodriguez (right), 325th Logistics Readiness Squadron Travel Center section chief, and Senior Airman Kayla Betts (left), 325th Medical Group mental health technician, hold up the banner of the Tyndall Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Committee at the Tyndall Air Force Base chapel, June 26, 2017. The LGBT Committee is the first of its kind at Tyndall and was founded to give its members a voice to promote diversity.
“I didn’t choose to be gay. I was born this way,” says TSgt Rodriguez.
He explains, “I knew since I was 5 years old that I was attracted to guys. I never saw anything wrong with that. Yet, growing up being of Mexican background, I had to stay within boundaries of what I said and did so that I wouldn’t get teased.”
He adds, “When a person comes out, the family tends to stay closeted. There are times when it takes time for the family to also come out and feel proud of having a gay child. It’s not just the person who comes out but the family as well. Same as with transgender individuals. When they transition, family and friends transition as well. Everyone has to adapt to the new sex and it can be challenging changing pronouns.” (See PFLAG, support for families of LGBTQ.)
That’s where the two airmen have similar backgrounds—the genesis of their sexual orientation. SrA Betts says, “Growing up I always felt some sort of attraction to my best friends. When I got older I dated males, but I never really felt an attraction to them. I dated them because that’s what you do. It was more of a friendship. I think I really started to make that distinction around the age of sixteen or seventeen. I said (to myself)—I think I might be a lesbian.”
TSgt Rodriguez—who is also a single father—adds, “I’m gay. I like men. But I also have strong family values. I’m Latin based and we have strong family values, it’s been ingrained in me as I grew up. People have to take into consideration your religion, your family values, your ethnic values and background, all that plays into who you become and how you mold yourself.”
Until very recently, TSgt Rodriguez had verbally identified to others as being bisexual rather than gay. “It’s hard to tell people that you’re gay and you want kids. Just like some straight people want kids and others don’t. There are gay couples who do want kids and gay couples who don’t want kids. Many people don’t understand that LGBT is complex. It really depends on each person. There is no rule that applies to everybody. Everybody is different, it’s not cookie cutter. But, I think telling people that I’m bi, they can swallow that a little bit easier than me saying that I’m gay and I have a kid. Because if I’m gay “How did you have a kid?” they will ask.”
Understanding his responsibility and leadership role with the LGBT community, TSgt Rodriquez now proudly says, “I am gay and I have a child. I am gay and I want more children.”
“I’m private, but I have to push myself to share. I was alone when I came into the military and I don’t want others to feel alone. My greatest fear, now as a father, is that my son be teased because his father’s gay, that he is not welcomed somewhere. I want to make sure that he has a bright future, that he is accepted. I do this not just for me, but also for everyone around me and so that when my son grows up that he is accepted as well. So it’s not just for my generation, I am doing this for people who aren’t even born yet. It’s okay to be different. Diversity makes the Air Force stronger.”
TSgt Martin Rodriquez and his son, Elijah, 7. “Being a single parent, I’m protective of my child. Don’t hurt my child,” TSgt Rodriquez says to bullies on social media.
He continues, “Still in 2017, not everybody is comfortable. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell has been repealed since 2011, almost six years ago, and people are still not able to come out all the way because they don’t want to hear that negative stuff.”
Tyndall Air Force Base’s LGBT Committee is new, so it meets at the only venue that can be booked by clubs at no charge—the Chapel Annex. The committee has a Facebook page for information and sharing and periodically they get critical and sometimes very hurtful posts to their platform.
“They said we shouldn’t meet in God’s House.”
Technical Sgt. Martin Rodriguez (left), 325th Logistics Readiness Squadron Travel Center section chief, and Senior Airman Kayla Betts (center), 325th Medical Group mental health technician, speak to journalist Penelope Hayes (right) at Tyndall Air Force Base, June 26, 2017, in the Chapel. Both Rodriguez and Betts are part of Tyndall's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender community and shared their perspective on their journey going through the military during a time of social change.
TSgt Rodriguez explains that the haters are probably from within the military community, as well as the public, “They are social media bullies. Those are the people that we want to welcome and educate. We even embrace people who don’t like us. We want them to understand that whatever you have in any community we have in the LGBT community. It’s not just one ethnicity, one religion, or one sex. We’re a melting pot. We come from different backgrounds, but our values are the same as your values, just our sexual orientation might be different. Diversity exists for a reason. Embrace the diversity that we have. Eventually, if you’re going to be in the military, you have to accept us because the military is so diverse and we cannot discriminate.”
“I’m not afraid to lose my job, anymore. I’m more worried that someone would try to threaten me. Our brothers and sisters who might not like it should step back and think about it and say, “These are my brothers and sisters.” When we’re deployed, I don’t ask, “Hey, are you gay or lesbian? Because I might have to lay down my life for you.””
“There are more people that support us than don’t, I would say. I think that having that support from high ranking all the way down is what we need. Having our supervisors come to a meeting and spread the word so we can actually have that support. Because you saying that you have my back is one thing, but you showing me is another. Your actions speak loudly by actually attending a meeting. Even sharing the information—on social media and at work centers—about when we have guest speakers, because we have great guest speakers. Whether you agree with it or not, just sharing the information for those who might want to go, to have that choice.”
Today, there is support of LGBT service members from the leadership within the military. TSgt Rodriguez says, “In many ways the military is leading the country in LGBT support.” And yet, with Friday’s news from the Trump Administration, we know that there is still work to be done.
In granting permission to the airmen for this interview, the Base Commander at Tyndall showed great care and concern. It was discussed with Public Affairs at the base and there was discussion about possible “backlash on social media” and action-reaction in that event. Decidedly, the airmen will be “protected” and very negative posts will not be allowed to linger.
When asked to provide a comment for this story, The Department of Defense’s Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute (DEOMI) said that they “can’t pass up an opportunity like this to support.” Army Col. Mary L. Martin, Commandant of DEOMI told us, “Diversity is not founded in statistics, percentages, or quotas; it’s about achieving peak performance from our teams—it’s about having the ability to draw from the vast experiences of everyone in this great nation.” DEOMI was established in 1971 as the Defense Race Relations Institute (DRRI) based on lessons learned from the Civil Rights Movement, and later became an educational tool for all diversity within the U.S. military service. (See Official DEOMI LGBT 2017 Pride Month Poster)
“We are more diverse today as a nation, and in the Department of Defense, than we’ve ever been in our history. We must continue to embrace our diversity and our differences as they are what make us who we are as a people and a country,” adds Col. Martin.
It’s a good time to think about our evolution as a peaceful and loving nation—what we can’t go back to, where we are now and where we go from here (#JustShowLove). “We’ve come such a long way from Stonewall,” says TSgt Rodriguez of the events of June 1969 in New York known as the Stonewall riots, which are largely regarded as the beginning of the LGBT rights movement. “And not just for gays but for women and minorities and people of color. We’ve come such a long way. In the Air Force I’m glad we’re moving towards the direction of acceptance. We have to lead in that diversity and be able to say, hey you know what, we’re stronger as an Air Force having and showcasing diversity. Having diversity in the Air Force helps the Air Force become a better unit, making us a stronger group. Letting people know that diversity exists in the military shines a light.”
“Today, I have straight friends that say, “I don’t care if you’re gay, I’d take a bullet for you.” That’s how you know your true friends—if you can hang with gay, bi, straight, religious, non-religious and be able to really be you. And that’s what I’ve been yearning for,” TSgt Rodriquez says, “It’s the basic needs of belonging. We’re all people. Diversity exists for a reason; embrace the diversity that we have. LGBT is just a subculture of our society. Accept us like we accept you. Come to our committee meeting, educate yourself. It’s okay to be different. Difference makes us better and stronger. Together we’re stronger than being divided.”
SrA Betts sums it up with this, “We’re being liberated right now. Independence means being able to be yourself. Being proud to be an American and proud to be gay.”
And so this story hasn’t reached its end. What will be the future for trans people in the U.S. military? The delay in moving forward in welcoming trans people is a delay in diversity, and it’s a delay in President Donald Trump’s campaign promise when he said this, referring to himself in the third person, during Pride Month 2016, “Ask yourself, who is really the friend of women and the LGBT community, Donald Trump with his actions, or Hillary Clinton with her words?”
Actions indeed speak louder than words, and yet, there are different concerns as they apply to the military—logistically—in implementing such bold and intrepid changes. Perhaps time will heal all?...
Author’s Note: This article is Part Two of a six part series on the United States Military as an effort to help heal the divide between the political left and right, showcasing human stories without a political agenda.