The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
I’m just remembering that my second year in America, someone asked me to “validate their parking,” which was my first time hearing the phrase, and after blinking stupidly in silence for a full five seconds I said “Well parking is really hard but I’m sure you did it really well”
— Iva Dixit (@ivadixit) October 15, 2021
why does Timothée Chalamet remind me of this kind of medieval shoe pic.twitter.com/TdaGho9Wlq
— Eleanor Margolis (@EleanorMargolis) October 11, 2021
Lifeguard is the weirdest job. It’s like hey, you’re 16 years old, make sure no one dies.
— Missy Baker (@TheMissyBaker) October 13, 2021
when the microwave does the passive aggressive double beep when you forget your food .. i just wanna know which bills you pay to be taking that tone with me
— i praydalor my sodakeep (@almondtiddies) October 10, 2021
That’s my emotional support months long opened Google chrome tab
— Fiona Applebum says #BlockShaunKing 🍎 (@WrittenByHanna) October 11, 2021
Greg and I have to stand in these spots every mealtime for the dog or he won’t eat. He looks at Greg who says MORE then he looks at me and I say MORE and this lasts til he’s done. We used to have dignity pic.twitter.com/dnKAPfIrG9
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 13, 2021
You telling me this foam has memories?
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) October 11, 2021
my brain when someone else talks for 2+ minutes straight: wow love this story they’re telling!
— trash jones (@jzux) October 12, 2021
my brain when i talk for 2+ minutes straight: everyone in this room wants to set me on fire
Me when I have to tinkle at a gala 🏃🏿♀️😂 pic.twitter.com/0Lhr9sF7yW
— Viola Davis (@violadavis) October 12, 2021
*The Olsen twins make a cameo in The Little Rascals*
— Maggie? Winters? (@saggiesplinters) October 12, 2021
Me at 4 yrs old: mom get in here something fucking insane is happening
Was thinking about horror with structure-as-antagonist (the shining, house of leaves, the grip of it) and would read one set in a Cheesecake Factory, the most architecturally menacing place I have ever encountered
— hannah whitten is mostly on IG (@hwhittenwrites) October 10, 2021
bf is being hunter (ordering the bagels) I am being gatherer (asking ppl if I could please steal one of the chairs from their table if they’re not using it, no problem if not)
— Maeve (@maevedunigan) October 10, 2021
“Are you crying ? “
— 🦚 (@3dLooks) October 12, 2021
Me: no
“Look at me”
Me: pic.twitter.com/KSY66PbJc3
I hate when people tell plus size girls they can't “pull something off” like honey I'm trying to buy white jeans not steal the Declaration of Independence
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) October 11, 2021
all the video games my bf plays are like "would you like to Search Beehive?" and he'll say yes and it'll be like "you have found: A Bee"
— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) October 14, 2021
my mom has a great movie recommendation! she doesn’t remember the title, but she said it stars “jake something”
— sam i am (@hisamwelch) October 14, 2021
pinterest is so fucking crazy because i'll be saving an innocent photo of someone's sweater only to find out that the pin description is Kneel 🔪🚬 | TOM RIDDLE X READER | WATTPAD
— knivsBong (@femalelobotomy) October 13, 2021
it’s not that i want to be skinny it’s that i want to be able to dress like shit and still get compliments
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) October 11, 2021
Google Docs told me I should replace “less teeth” with “fewer teeth,” and i was like, oh honey, we are talking about two completely different things
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) October 9, 2021
More sandwiches should be married (croque madame/monsieur)
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 13, 2021
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