By Amy Shearn
Your friends say, "No one's perfect." Your mother says, "Keep an open mind." But we've learned the hard way that seemingly small, easily ignorable offenses are beacons of trouble to come.
Dating Deal Breakers: 8 Signs We All Overlook
The 14.5 Percent Tip (01 of08)
Dinner was lovely, and he made you laugh and, as promised, the chicken mole was nothing short of revelatory. But then, as you noticed and tried not to notice you were noticing, he was snippy to the waitstaff and left an underwhelming tip. Yes, you can spin this into a playful little debate about whether tips ought to be performance-based, and maybe it will be amusing in a "Seinfeld"-y way. Still. Think it through. He might have made charming conversation and looked meaningfully into your eyes, but if this relationship progresses, sister, someday you're going to be the one bringing him a plate of spaghetti and getting the stink eye. (credit:Thinkstock)
Bertha, His Pet Boa Constrictor(02 of08)
If life were a movie, a pet boa constrictor would read as "quirky." But this is no Wes Anderson film; this is a life you have to live. And boa constrictors live up to 30 years and keep growing that entire time. That's three decades of feeding a snake live rodents. In your home. This is someone who did not think things through, who was not able to reconcile in his imagination, when he bought old Bertha after sophomore-year finals, the possibility of his future children and how they might not enjoy watching the daily devouring of rodents. You're a grownup. You need someone who can think like a grownup, which sometimes involves looking 30 years into the future. (credit:Thinkstock)
He Can't Hook Up The DVR(03 of08)
We all like to believe that we have no gender-based expectations. We are modern people, of course we are, and we don't need any man to build us a fire or change the flat tire anymore than we need someone else to bring home the bacon! But you do have to be honest with yourself. What do you really, really expect of your life partner? Like, I think of myself as someone who is independent in most factions of life, but let's be real, I need someone else to be the one who knows how to tame the technology-cord-snake-Medusa. If it weren't for my husband, I would live in a house without Internet, cable, music or, probably, working electric lamps. (credit:Thinkstock)
Sulking At Cousin Sandy's 60th Birthday Party(04 of08)
We've all heard that you can tell a lot about a man by how he treats his mother. But what about your mother? Or, for that matter, your great-aunt? When he sulks with a teenager's intensity every time you want to hang out with your family, he's revealing a great deal about his relative philosophy. If you wear your great-grandmother's cameo brooch and named your cat after your uncle, you probably need someone who gets it. This is assuming you actually do enjoy hanging out with your family; if they are total loons and you know it, consider cutting him a break. (credit:Thinkstock)
He Thought Your Dental Floss Was Fishing Line(05 of08)
Eyes may be the windows to a person's soul, but teeth are a pretty good indicator of where his head is. If he doesn't take good care of his teeth, he's probably pretty cavalier about his health in general. I think this should be part of any responsible first-date diagnostic: close you eyes for a moment and imagine convincing this person to get a colonoscopy. Romantic? No. Important, if you want to connect with someone who is going to live a long, healthy life and encourage you to do the same? Yes. (credit:Thinkstock)
He Thinks You're A Masseuse(06 of08)
So you're at a party, and you go to get another mini-quiche, and you overhear him talking about you in glowing terms. You flush a bit and, of course, stop to listen. "She's so great," he's saying. "And how cool is it that she's a professional masseuse?" But you're not. You're a licensed physical therapist -- a job you described in extensive detail on dates Nos. 2 and 3. That explains why he's always demanding backrubs. But also, it indicates some deeper trouble: If he can't even be bothered to find out what it is you actually do, is he really interested in you? Even if he's memorized your job title, though -- does he care? Did he listen at all? Or was he too excited about the idea of free massages to hear what you were trying to tell him? (credit:Thinkstock)
He Won't Put His Face In The Water(07 of08)
If he can't wholeheartedly commit to swimming a lap, one is forced to wonder if he can ever commit to anything at all. (credit:Thinkstock)
You Don't Huff His Sweaty Shirts(08 of08)
A recent study published in Lake Forest College's publication Eukaryon found that "a person chooses a mate with advantageous genes through odor." If his taste in music makes you swoon and you share a favorite restaurant but you don't thrill to the smell of his neck, perhaps you've found a mate with DISadvantageous genes. (credit:Thinkstock)
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They Dated?!
Owen Wilson, Sheryl Crow(01 of40)
The couple broke up in 2002, but there were no hard feelings. "I love Owen. He's so talented, and a great, great person," Crow said about the actor the same year. (credit:Getty)
Johnny Depp, Ellen Barkin(02 of40)
Before his two-year relationship with Kate Moss, Johnny Depp briefly dated Ellen Barkin in 1994. (credit:Getty)
Lance Armstrong, Ashley Olsen(03 of40)
In 2007, then 21-year-old Olsen was spotted making out with Armstrong, 15 years her senior, at Rose Bar in New York. Yeah, we don't really get it either. (credit:Getty)
Ryan Gosling, Sandra Bullock(04 of40)
The hunky heartthrob and funny girl were together from 2002 to 2003. "I had two of the greatest girlfriends of all time. I haven't met anybody who could top them," Gosling told Us Weekly in 2011 (about Bullock and Rachel McAdams, whom he dated afterward). We wonder what current amour Eva Mendes might have to say about that? (credit:Getty)
Roger Ebert, Oprah Winfrey(05 of40)
Roger Ebert and Oprah went on two dates way back when the two were just starting out in Chicago -- and Ebert counts himself as her mentor. "Yes, it is true, I persuaded Oprah to become the most successful and famous woman in the world," Ebert wrote in 2005. (credit:Getty)
Andre Agassi, Brooke Shields(06 of40)
Nowadays, it's hard to imagine that one of the most high-profile couples in the '90s was tennis star Andre Agassi and actress Brooke Shields. The couple dated for six years before marrying in 1999; they divorced just two years later. (credit:Getty)
George Clooney, Talia Balsam(07 of40)
George Clooney may be the ultimate bachelor, but he did get married, just once, to actress Talia Balsam. (Balsam is now married to John Slattery of "Mad Men").
"I was married, so I gave it a shot," Clooney told Piers Morgan in 2011. "I've proven how good I was at it, and I just...I'm allowed one." (credit:Getty)
"I was married, so I gave it a shot," Clooney told Piers Morgan in 2011. "I've proven how good I was at it, and I just...I'm allowed one." (credit:Getty)
Winona Ryder, Jimmy Fallon(08 of40)
Winona Ryder and Jimmy Fallon were reportedly linked in 2002, though she denied a relationship in W magazine that same year: "I do date once in a while, and I've gone out with wonderful people in the past. Although not with Jimmy Fallon, who everyone thinks is my boyfriend. We're just great friends." (credit:Getty)
Courteney Cox, Michael Keaton(09 of40)
The "Friends" star and "Batman" actor dated from 1989 to 1995.
(Getty) (credit:Getty)
(Getty) (credit:Getty)
Helen Hunt, Matthew Broderick(10 of40)
Helen Hunt and Matthew Broderick gave love a shot in 1987 and although happily every after wasn't in the cards for the pair, the couple did forge a lifelong friendship. Hunt and Broderick are even comfortable enough with their relationship that they filmed a sex scene together for 2008's "Then She Found Me." (credit:Getty)
Conan O'Brien, Lisa Kudrow(11 of40)
These two funny people dated when he was a writer for "Saturday Night Live" and she was working as a comedian in Los Angeles. "He was really smart, really funny and he thought I was funny, but found we were better as friends," Kudrow said of their brief romance. (credit:Getty)
Sarah Jessica Parker, Robert Downey Jr.(12 of40)
By his own admission, Robert Downey Jr. was less than a model boyfriend to Sarah Jessica Parker, whom he dated from 1984 to 1991. "I liked to drink, and I had a drug problem, and that didn't jibe with Sarah Jessica, because it is the furthest thing from what she is," Downey Jr. said of their relationship. (credit:Getty)
Drew Barrymore, David Arquette(13 of40)
These two Hollywood staples were briefly linked in 1991 -- eight years before they starred together in 1999's "Never Been Kissed." (credit:Getty)
Carson Daly, Tara Reid; Katie Holmes, Chris Klein(14 of40)
Cutest -- and weirdest -- double date ever? Carson Daly/Tara Reid and Katie Holmes/Chris Klein are the epitome of the '90s here. (credit:Getty)
Moby, Natalie Portman(15 of40)
According to Moby, his fling with Portman caused a lot of nerd wrath. "You don't date Luke Skywalker's mom and not have them hate your guts," he said about their romance. (credit:Getty)
Ashton Kutcher, January Jones(16 of40)
Long before Ashton Kutcher married and divorced Demi Moore and January Jones gave birth to her baby boy (whose father she refuses to reveal), these two gave it a go in the romance department. (credit:Getty)
Jack Nicholson, Lara Flynn Boyle(17 of40)
The unlikely couple had an on-again, off-again relationship from 1999-2006. (credit:Getty)
Gary Oldman, Uma Thurman(18 of40)
How did we miss this? Gary Oldman and Uma Thurman were married from 1990 - 1992. (credit:Getty)
Jennifer Love Hewitt, Joey Lawrence(19 of40)
Jennifer Love Hewitt and Joey Lawrence were a match made in teen icon heaven from 1995 - 1996. (credit:Getty)
Scott Baio, Pamela Anderson (20 of40)
Scott Baio and Pamela Anderson called each other sweetheart in the late '80s and early '90s. (credit:Getty)
Emilio Estevez, Demi Moore(21 of40)
Emilio Estevez and Demi Moore were romantically entangled from 1985 - 1987. After starring in 1985's "St. Elmo's Fire," the pair became engaged but never made it to the church. (credit:Getty)
Cameron Diaz, Matt Dillon(22 of40)
The telegenic "There's Something About Mary" co-stars dated for three years before splitting in 1998 -- the same year the hit comedy hit the big screen. (credit:Getty)
Macaulay Culkin, Mila Kunis(23 of40)
It seems like ages ago, but Kunis split from rumored fiance Culkin only last year, in September 2011. They began dating in 2002. (credit:Getty)
Madonna, Dennis Rodman(24 of40)
There are a lot of crazy rumors surrounding this unlikely pair, among them that Madonna desperately wanted to be impregnated by the former basketball star in the early '90s. (credit:Getty)
Billy Corgan, Tila Tequila(25 of40)
The romance between the Smashing Pumpkins frontman and the reality star came out of nowhere, and left just as quickly as it arrived. (credit:Getty)
Shia LaBeouf, Hilary Duff(26 of40)
LaBeouf and Duff, who just gave birth to her first child, went on an epically bad date -- according to LaBeouf himself. "Probably the worst date either of us have ever had," the "Transformers" star told Details of their failed connection. (credit:Getty)
Emma Stone, Kieran Culkin(27 of40)
After meeting on the set of 2009's "Paper Man," Stone and Culkin were rumored to be dating. Stone is now currently dating "The Amazing Spider-Man" co-star Andrew Garfield. (credit:Getty)
John Stamos, Marlee Matlin(28 of40)
John Stamos and Marlee Matlin reportedly dated in 1989 -- but romantic or platonic, the pair remain good friends and at least carry on a Twitter relationship. (credit:Getty)
Whoopi Goldberg, Ted Danson(29 of40)
You better believe it: In 1992, Danson was apparently so smitten with Goldberg during the filming of "Made in America" that it led to a divorce with his then wife-of-16-years, Casey, the next year. "I'd walk in Whoopi's shadow for the rest of my life--I adore the woman," Danson said about Goldberg. (credit:Getty)
Sean Lennon, Leelee Sobieski(30 of40)
John Lennon's son and Sobieski were spotted canoodling during a Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame induction in 2004, when the former teen star was just 20 years old. (credit:Getty)
Jake Gyllenhaal, Natalie Portman(31 of40)
These teen stars were linked twice: first, in 2006 (pictured, strolling in New York); and in 2008, shortly before co-starring in "Brothers." Gyllenhaal and Portman remain pals -- the latter offered a friendly roast of Portman in January 2011, when he said: "She is elegant, graceful, has amazing eyebrows... is talented, really short, funny, smart, dedicated, incredibly kind." (credit:Getty)
Ryan Reynolds, Kristen Johnson(32 of40)
Before Blake, before Scarlett, before Alanis, Reynolds dated yet another famous face: Kristen Johnston, of "Third Rock from the Sun" fame (pictured together here, in 1999). (credit:Getty)
Matthew Morrison, Kristen Bell(33 of40)
Bell and Morrison both attended New York University, where they "dated very briefly." Also, Bell calls the "Glee" star "Matty." Everybody say awww. (credit:Getty)
Edward Norton, Courtney Love(34 of40)
This unlikely couple dated for three years in the '90s after co-starring in "The People vs. Larry Flynt" together, and they were even rumored to be engaged. Years later, in 2010, Love would blast Norton on Twitter over an alleged $300,000 she said the actor owed her. (credit:Getty)
Minka Kelly, Donald Faison(35 of40)
Before she got together with Yankees star Derek Jeter, Kelly dated the "Clueless" actor for a year, from 2004-2005. (credit:Getty)
Brad Pitt, Robin Givens(36 of40)
A pre-fame Brad Pitt dated Givens in 1989, when she was in the midst of a nasty breakup with ex-husband Mike Tyson. "As I go to my car she drives up with the handsome Brad Pitt," Tyson recalled in April 2012 on "Conan O'Brien." "It just totally overwhelmed me... I had no energy to fight." (credit:Getty )
Al Pacino, Diane Keaton(37 of40)
Keaton dated her "Godfather" co-star Al Pacino in the '80s; the relationship dissolved after Keaton pushed a marriage ultimatum on Pacino. She told People: "He's charming, hilarious, a nonstop talker. There was an aspect of him that was like a lost orphan, like this kind of crazy idiot savant. And oh, gorgeous! I was mad for him. I worked hard on that one." (credit:Getty)
Meg Ryan, Russell Crowe(38 of40)
Hollywood's sweetheart and the Australian heartthrob enjoyed a jet-setting romance from 1999-2001, to much controversy: Ryan was still married to actor Dennis Quaid when the future lovebirds met on set of "Proof of Life. "Dennis was not faithful to me for a very long time, and that was very painful," Ryan told InStyle. "I found out more about that after I was divorced ... Russell didn't break up the marriage." (credit:Getty)
Seal, Tyra Banks(39 of40)
Seal sure has a thing for telegenic supermodels! Seal and Tyra confirmed their budding romance when they stepped out to the Essence Awards in 1996, but broke up shortly thereafter. (credit:Getty)
Enrique Iglesias, Sofia Vergara(40 of40)
It's strange to think of now, but Vergara was once more commonly referred to as Iglesias' ex before she hit it big with the ABC sitcom "Modern Family." (credit:Getty)