A Donald Trump-Curt Schilling 2016 Ticket Makes Way Too Much Sense

The odds are 12,000-to-1 that it happens, but that seems low.
These two men have just as much in common as you'd think.
These two men have just as much in common as you'd think.

Many, many people dislike Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump and former MLB pitcher (and now disgraced MLB analyst) Curt Schilling. They're really perfect for each other.

Trump, the presumptive Republican nominee for president, has yet to select a running mate for his campaign. Ohio Gov. John Kasich and South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley have been mentioned as potential picks for Trump, but honestly, those choices don't jumpstart an apathetic voter's heart. 

Schilling, however, would excite the hell out of Trump's voter base. One of MLB's great pitchers, Schilling's recently become a leader on social media in spreading conservative-slanted disinformation, and a quick scroll through his Facebook page pulls up posts and offensive memes spewing hyperbolic right-wing rhetoric. Just what Trump does! It's such a creative and fitting match that SportsBettingDime put 12,000-to-1 odds on Trump selecting Schilling as his running mate. And we'll take those odds.

One hiccup, though, between the United States and a Trump-Schilling 2016 campaign: Schilling criticized Trump in July 2015 and again in March 2016. He says he’s a registered independent and despises both parties, but he hates Democrats more than he loathes the GOP, because he donated to former Republican presidential nominee Ben Carson's campaign. Can Schilling reconcile with Trump?

Yes. With Carson going down along with everyone else in the Republican race, like many other conservatives, he’s coming around to Trump as his choice for president. As a primer to a prospective Trump-Schilling campaign, here are 12 controversial, horrible opinions Schilling and Trump can make their peace on. We're betting this happens. 

1. Both agree about making abortions illegal 

Schilling was really pumped when he shared a link from a pro-life news website on April 30:

Just a month before Schilling's cheer, Trump said that “you have to ban” abortions to MSNBC's Chris Matthews on March 30. He followed that up by suggesting that women who abort should be punished. On such a polarizing, long-running national issue, both of these men have found common ground: Women shouldn't decide what to do with their bodies -- the government should! 

2. Both agree undocumented Mexican Immigrants are ruining the United States

When Trump declared his candidacy for the Republican nomination last June, he found room in his announcement speech to call Mexicans "criminals," "rapists" and "killers." He wants to build a "serious wall" across the U.S.-Mexico border in an expensive, dumb attempt to keep Latinos from coming into the United States.

Naturally, Latinos have responded with outright opposition to Trump's candidacy, but in Schilling's mind, those people are all probably illegals, so Trump's definitely the "right guy" for the Oval Office. 

3. Both agree Americans need more guns, because guns are good

Guns are bad. They kill people. When a bad person uses a gun, it's unfortunate that they had access to one in the first place, but a "good guy with a gun" isn't an effective response. It's a myth. Trump doesn't see it that way though, saying last October that armed teachers could've stopped the mass shooting at Umpqua Community College in Oregon.

Schilling's Facebook bio pegs him as a "Conservative pro-life pro 2nd amendment American," which sums up all you need to know about how he feels about guns. After all, the more Americans kill each other with guns, the more gun-related job opportunities there are, and the United States is clearly a proud vessel for opportunity through death. The main point: Guns are good for American jobs, hoo-rah! 

4. Both agree American soldiers need more weapons to fight our haters

Every other Facebook post on Schilling's page has something to do with the military. When he's not collecting Nazi memorabilia, he clearly draws his patriotic strength from supporting the troops via his Facebook page. The picture he shared below is from a page called "Save The A-10 Warthog." If you didn't know, the A-10 Warthog is a four-decade-old Air Force staple that's been repeatedly used to provide air support to American soldiers on the ground in the Middle East. Government plans to retire the warplane were criticized by military pundits, but considering the U.S. spends more on its military than the next seven countries combined ($596 billion), does it really even matter? 

Trump would totally be down to save the A-10 though, and in general, beef up military spending. 

“I want to build up the military so nobody messes with us,” Trump said to Fox News last August. “I would bring it [military levels] back to where it was at the height because we’re in such trouble.”

Vote Trump-Schilling 2016 if you want to save the A-10 Warthog. You know you want to. 

5. Both agree it's okay to incite violence when political protesters act up against you

In February, Trump told a crowd he'd like to punch a protester who interrupted his speech, and then went on to encourage his supporters to fight dissenters. It's actually happened on a number of occasions inside and outside Trump rallies — scenes that Schilling doesn't mind.

6. Both agree the NFL has gone soft

Sign these two up on the NFL's side of the "war on football." Trump directed a warning at the NFL in a November 2015 Fox Sports interview, saying:

I hope they don’t soften the game up too much by the way, I must say. I was reading yesterday they might not do [kickoffs] anymore and eventually you’re not going to have the same game. They have to be careful with that. Don’t make it too politically correct. What we’re doing in the country is that everything has to be [politically correct]. It’s a violent game.

Schilling hasn't directly commented on the NFL's approach to player safety or the effects of the game's violence, but from this recent post, it's clear that he's gung-ho about football's brutality:

Football is a tough man's game and the NFL is making it soft by making it safer. Got it. 

7. Both agree Hillary Clinton is crooked for playing the “women card”

Both Schilling and Trump think Clinton's using her gender to gain favor with voters. It's something that men do all that time, but nobody notices because we've lived under a patriarchy for centuries.

Trump demeaned Clinton, a woman, for being a woman, in an April campaign rally, saying, “The only thing she’s got going is the women card." Ah, the "women card," the results-proven political tactic that has no actual results to prove its worth. Schilling has the same Trump-approved take:

8. Both agree Clinton's so crooked that she belongs in prison

Or actually, to use Schilling's exact quote from a March radio appearance when asked about Clinton's email controversy: "she should buried under a jail somewhere.”

So it's not technically "in" prison, but "buried under" one. That seems way worse unless you're a "Kill Bill" protagonist. To Trump's credit, he's already endorsed Clinton in the 2016 "prisondential" election.

Get it?! 
Get it?! 

9. Both agree Clinton would also be a crappy President

According to Schilling:

And Trump, who thinks Clinton, a former First Lady, Senator and Secretary of State, is "unqualified" for the gig. You can see where they're coming from too: A failed businessman and a former baseball pitcher are far more equipped to run the United States. 

10. Both agree Muslim refugees need to stay the hell out of their country

Trump called for a "complete shutdown" of Muslims entering the U.S last December. A xenophobist himself, Schilling would also like to prevent Muslims, particularly Syrian refugees, from coming to the U.S. Instead, he'd like hot Swedish women to immigrate over and hang out with him by a pool. 

11. Both agree Muslims want to kill me 

One of Trump's strengths is his ability to create statistics to back up his bullshit on the fly. Speaking to Fox News in March, he let those skills shine, declaring that 27% of the world's Muslims are "really very militant about going after things."

Schilling isn't too far behind Trump's Islamaphobic ideology. He was suspended by former employer ESPN in August for comparing Muslims to Nazis in a meme. Since then, he hasn't stopped pumping anti-Muslim, fear-mongering posts onto his Facebook page:

12. Both agree climate change is a myth

Don't let those liberal science people fool you!

Based on the circumstantial evidence above, Trump-Schilling 2016 makes plenty of sense. Both men are delusional political extremists who are afraid of the future and obsessed with the worst parts of the United States' history and current culture. Here's an overly simplistic breakdown of their political platform: Abortions, global warming "theorists," Mexicans, Muslims and Hillary Clinton are bad. Guns, bigger guns, beating up protesters, '70s NFL action and white men are good.

Trump-Schilling 2016: Make America Hateful, Again. 

CORRECTION: A previous version of this story said that Hillary Clinton was a former Secretary of Defense, but she was Secretary of State.

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