Health And Its Affect On Intimacy
"The foundation of success in life is good health. It is also the basis of happiness." (P. T. Barnum)
It's an undeniable fact! As we age, generally, our bodies change and can present us with a smorgasbord of health challenges. Some might be more serious than others. Many of us face problems usually the result of disease, hormonal shifts, disability, addiction to prescribed drugs and the like. In women, lower levels of estrogen during and after menopause can cause a decline in their desire for sexual intimacy while in men reduced levels of testosterone could dampen their desire.
Obesity, diabetes and heart disease can also create havoc on intimacy and sexuality. We know that regular exercise, a healthy diet coupled with annual physicals, are the keys to good health. Our desire for intimacy tends to increase when one feels healthy.
However, unexpected, unpredictable, and untimely health challenges can place a huge obstacle in one's path. Since October is Breast Cancer awareness month, I'd like to share a journey my wife and I experienced that surfaced without warning.
We have been on many trips together -- Paris, Rome, Russia, Dubai, China and Thailand to mention a few. We've always planned, anticipated, and carefully prepared for each trip. In August of 2014 we embarked on a totally unplanned trip when Bonnie was diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer. This sudden and unanticipated journey of fear and anxiety was un-welcomed and there was no way we could have planned for the outcome. We certainly were not prepared for what lay ahead.
NOTE: Our entire journey can be found in our free e-book at: www.bonnierossparker.com/discovery-and-recovery
While cancer strengthened our love, at the same time, it challenged my own belief system and faith. Not knowing what to expect, frightened me. The thought of losing my wife was simply unfathomable.
Bonnie handled our journey with openness, honesty and dignity while sharing it with thousands through social media. I was still feeling uncertain and apprehensive. I felt helpless knowing what she was about to go through. She was frightened, vulnerable and self-conscious. I knew that the best I could do was to be totally supportive, understanding, extremely patient and show her my consistent love. This was to become a true test of our intimacy.
The diagnosis, the MRI's, chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, and the constant driving back and forth to Georgia Cancer Specialists for shots and blood workups was time consuming. I hated to pay those parking tickets but I was always happy to leave the lot. For both of us, sleep deprivation became our new normal. Bonnie's hair loss, constant fatigue, loss of appetite, the weigh-ins, and the unexpected weight loss took its toll. While our sexual intimacy was put on hold our emotional intimacy was put on steroids.
I learned a lot of new words, like Port, Taxol, Neulasta, Zofran, Oxycontin and others. These were not words I planned or wanted to add to my vocabulary. At the same time, I also came to know and love the cadre of medical professionals who took such loving care of my wife.
Bonnie's last radiation treatment was on April 20, 2015. It was a long and challenging eight months. She did great and I was so relieved. Her hair grew back a beautiful combination of snow-white color mixed with grey, her energy returned and she was able to get back in the pool to resume her normal daily aquatic routine.
Having reached the end of chemo, surgery and radiation, it's my firm belief that Bonnie's attitude and her unshakeable determination, coupled with the support and prayers of family and friends, lead to a positive outcome and optimistic view of our future together.
The gift and strength of our relationship, the honesty and ongoing trust we've established over the years, got us through this difficult time. It ultimately brought us to a higher level of closeness and intimacy. Please click here to view our journey and discussion on health and intimacy.
As Bonnie and I have come to the end of this stage in our life's journey, my greatest pleasure is, and will continue to be, loving my wife and keeping us both healthy for the remainder of our lives.
PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH US.
Earlier on Huff/Post50: