As we go through midlife, we may wonder whether we're permanently stuck with the personality we've had since our youth. Once you reach that certain age, you may worry that you'll be an eternal extrovert or, conversely, forever locked in the introvert's shell you've come to resent. There's a tendency to believe that personality is set in stone, especially if you believe the argument that it's our genes that create that permanent edifice that forever dooms us to be static over time.
We also become discouraged by the behavior of public figures who show no ability, if not inclination, to redefine themselves. This is exactly what happened in April 2016, when presidential candidate Donald Trump announced that he would become more "presidential." Political analysts were skeptical, and indeed, only a few days later the promised change evaporated. So much for personality transformations.
Reinforcing that view of personality as stable is the general gist of one of the most well-known theories in the field of personality known as the "Five Factor Model." This model proposes that you are born with a particular combo of highs and lows on the magic five dispositions known as "OCEAN" (or "CANOE"): openness to experience, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.
Fortunately, the view that personality is unchangeable is changing. In a pair of experiments conducted by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign psychologists Nathan Hudson and Christopher Fraley (2015), undergraduates were coached in changing the traits that bothered them the most. Over a 16-week intensive intervention, students were helped to complete an action plan directed at increasing or decreasing their target trait. In four of the five traits, the IU undergrads actually were able to transform themselves.
The key to change, as noted by Hudson and Fraley, is to make a specific plan to change specific behaviors. Don't just say you're going to be "more outgoing and sociable." Instead, decide that on this particular day, you will make the effort to initiate an interaction with someone else. Call that person you've just met and set up a chat over coffee. You have to commit to making these small changes if you want to see the big changes you desire.
The great thing is that once you start to tinker with the behaviors that bother you, you'll start to change the way you think about yourself. Your narrative goes from "I've always been a worrywart" (high on neuroticism) to "I can feel relaxed if I want to." Seeing yourself as in charge of your personality rather than being run by it may be the key to having your personality suit instead of define you.
Although the personality change study involved undergrads, there's no reason you can't take a page from their playbook. You can change, at any age, especially if the change is one that you truly want.
Reference:
Hudson, N. W., & Fraley, R. C. (2015). Volitional personality trait change: Can people choose to change their personality traits?. Journal of Personality And Social Psychology, 109(3), 490-507. doi:10.1037/pspp0000021
7 Ways To Make Friends Post 50
Geography Counts, So Stay Local(01 of07)
Open Image ModalWhat you want is someone to hang with near where you live. Approach this scientifically. Having a friend who lives an hour's drive away will mean you won't see them as much as the person who lives closer. So think global, but stay local. That means your local coffee shop, the local branch of the public library, they local chapter of the Sierra Club, or the local college that offers evening courses. (credit:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Flickr:" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb676afe4b05271530b12e6" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="8" data-vars-position-in-unit="8">Flickr:</a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/coffeepartyusa/" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name=" CoffeePartyUSA" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb676afe4b05271530b12e6" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/people/coffeepartyusa/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="9" data-vars-position-in-unit="9"> CoffeePartyUSA</a>)
Follow Your Interests(02 of07)
Open Image ModalIf you play tennis, join a club or take a few lessons at the community center. If you like to throw parties, volunteer to run the annual fund-raiser at your synagogue or church; when the board thanks you publicly at the dinner, everyone will learn your name. If you hike, join the Sierra Club. If you bicycle, join a biking group or enter a race in your age category. Here's the one caveat about following your interests: Nobody ever met anyone while watching "American Idol" from the couch. (credit:Alamy)
Friends Come In Various Packages(03 of07)
Open Image ModalBe open to the idea that it's OK to have friends who are older or younger. The fact that they are in different stages in life just means they bring a different perspective to the table. While a 14-year-old won't be interested in socializing with a toddler, that 10-year age gap dissipates when they get older. Why not say yes to the 30-somethings who invite you to join them for drinks after work? Invite them over for dinner with their families and get to know their kids. Their views on the world may not match yours precisely, but variety is the spice of life. (credit:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Flickr:" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb676afe4b05271530b12e6" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="6" data-vars-position-in-unit="6">Flickr:</a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/virovets/" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name=" Yuri Virovets" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb676afe4b05271530b12e6" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/people/virovets/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="7" data-vars-position-in-unit="7"> Yuri Virovets</a>)
Travel With Strangers(04 of07)
Open Image ModalBecome A Joiner(05 of07)
Open Image ModalEven if you've never been a joiner, now may be the time to get yourself out there. Got a new puppy or an old dog who needs some new tricks? Find a community dog-training class. If you like to cook, take a cooking class. Participate in the 5K run for charity, even if you walk the final three. (credit:<a href="http://www.flickr.com/" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Flickr:" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb676afe4b05271530b12e6" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="0" data-vars-position-in-unit="0">Flickr:</a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/vastateparksstaff/" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name=" vastateparksstaff" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb676afe4b05271530b12e6" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.flickr.com/people/vastateparksstaff/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="1" data-vars-position-in-unit="1"> vastateparksstaff</a>)
Be Pushy(06 of07)
Open Image ModalKeep your smart phone with you and ask for numbers. Sure it may feel a little awkward to say to someone you just met "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you on this Sierra Club hike but the next one isn't for two months. Would you like to get together for a hike before that?" Worst they can say is no. (credit:Alamy)
Keep Up With Old Friends(07 of07)
Open Image ModalWith Skype and apps like FaceTime, it's easier than ever to have face-to-face visits. Don't assume your old friends are too busy to talk to you on the phone. Most cellphone plans include free long-distance calls and for those that don't, there's Skype. Invite friends who live a great distance to come and stay with you. Show them your city. Friendships are like gardens; it's often easier to tend to an existing one than grow a new one from seeds. (credit:Alamy)
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