Donald Trump's 19-Point Plan To Make America The Best

WASHINGTON -- A serious man uniquely suited to these perilous times, Donald Trump announced on Tuesday that he will indeed run for president in 2016. Our country is collectively indebted.

The announcement, made at Trump Tower in New York City, featured the real estate mogul coming down an escalator and delivering a rambling, jingoistic, 50-minute speech. At one point, Trump was briefly interrupted by exit music. Undeterred, he hushed it and spoke for another half hour. It was just as outlandish as you’d expect from someone who treats the election as a vehicle for self-promotional performance art. And the highlights included an amazing array of policy suggestions that veered into and way outside of the conservative mainstream.

Below is Donald Trump’s formula -- 19 points in all -- to make America great again, as culled from his Tuesday remarks.

• Sell junk to Saudi Arabia, since the goods we send them are blown up anyway;
• Repeal Obamacare “and replace it with something that benefits everybody”;
• “Turn off that spigot” of sending money to China (in the form of debt payments) by taxing them “until they behave properly”;
• Renegotiate our foreign trade deals;
• Call up the head of the Ford Motor Company and tell them they are going to be taxed at 35 percent for every car coming from Mexico until they decide to nix their plant in Mexico City;
• End President Barack Obama's executive actions on immigration;
• End border crossings from Mexico because some of those border-crossers are “rapists”;
• To do that, build a “great, great wall” on the U.S.-Mexico border;
• Have Mexico pay for that wall;
• Don’t appoint a secretary of state who rides bikes and breaks his leg;
• Avoid riding bikes himself;
• Work hard on the Islamic State problem;
• Stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons;
• Find the General Patton or General MacArthur from within the U.S. armed forces to “make it really work” in the Middle East;
• Rebuild the country's infrastructure -- “nobody can do that like me";
• Create jobs -- “I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created”;
• Save Medicaid, Medicare and Social Security “without cuts”;
• Protect the Second Amendment;
• Take the brand of the United States “and make it great again.”

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