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Why You Must Lower Your Expectations When Dating Someone Over 50

Dating 50-year-olds. Most of them aren't really that hot. It's a monumental adjustment. And you don't get that rush you get when you date in your youth. It feels so very different.
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Dog walking makes an informal, low-key first date. What could possibly go wrong? High50's dating columnist Louisa Whitehead-Payne soon finds out.

Last week in my online dating escapades I made an assessment of which women over 50 get dates with men, and discovered that it's the ones who look most feminine in their photos. So, riled as I was, I changed my profile pic.

It's getting better results. Nevertheless, to up my odds, I decide to message anyone who has favorited me back, and anyone who I really like the look of even if they haven't.

The best-looking farmer over 50 replies. So does a handsome widower. Both have pictures of themselves in their swimsuits so I know they're fit. (Well, they can at least swim, I suppose.)

After a little messaging they both suggest a phone call. A fairly standard first step when moving from the virtual to real world, I later discover.

Phone Call With A Real Live Potential Date

Muddy Farmer sounds nice. Yorkshire accent, deep voice. Good sense of humor. A free-flowing effortless 40-minute chat bodes well. He lives in the Midlands so near enough and far enough. I don't want a lovesick fool on my country cottage doorstep.

He says he has spent the day de-bollocking bullocks and rehearsing for a forthcoming role as a fairy in his local panto. Yes. I have hooked myself a six-foot-five castrator fairy. Do I really want a date with a cross-dressing farmer? Yes, actually, I do.

Islington Widower has a fruity, plummy voice. Sexy. Wife died six years prior and he is auditioning for a replacement. He is in the same field of business as I am and we know a lot of the same people.

When you meet most people in real life, you know something about them. You get a perspective from people who may have introduced you ("The thing about Peter is, his wife was a selfish cow," that sort of thing). On the Internet, people have no context but the one they create. They can be anything that they want to be.

So despite the appeal of getting a third-party review on Islington Widower, his closeness to my business network fills me with dread. I don't want a professional gossip. So although we have a lovely chat, and he invites me out for a glass of wine when I'm next in town, I decide not to call him.

Walking The Dogs For Our First Date

The Muddy Farmer it is, then. He proposes we walk our dogs together at Stowe, a beautiful National Trust property halfway between us. Classy then, I think, for a farmer.

I go into complete flap at the prospect and tell him how anxious I feel about a first date with someone. He is lovely, steady and calm. The worst thing that can happen, he says, is that the dogs will have had a good walk. I really like the idea of a very low-key first date.

The day of the date comes. It is a difficult wardrobe call: can't really do sexy on a dog walk. I go for tightest jeans, big baggy sweater, Dubarry boots and a Barbour. And as much make-up as I would ever wear on an evening out. I am trembling as I drive towards Stowe.

The Reality Of A Man In His Fifties

The mind's eye is a strange thing. We somehow imagine dating as it was when we last did it, when we were 20 or 30, and our sense of how a date will look and feel is shaped by that.

So I look round the car park for a tall, slim, handsome guy. Nothing. But there is an oldish chap with a terrier in the distance... Oh my god, that is him. He's old! He comes over and we introduce ourselves and shake hands.

He's 55-years-old. Younger than me, actually. Tall, slim. A bit weather-beaten. But inside I am screaming, "Oh my god, I'm on a date with my dad."

Realistic About How I Look?

Is he thinking the same? Am I kidding myself about how young I look? Does my mind's eye trick my self-image too? I just don't want to rip his clothes off... and I do really want to feel that kick in the loins again.

He looks at me and smiles and I notice he has the most amazing, twinkly, bright bright bright cornflower-blue eyes...

Dating 50-year-olds. Most of them aren't really that hot. It's a monumental adjustment. And you don't get that rush you get when you date in your youth. It feels so very different.

But make the date low key and lower your expectations. It's not a bad idea to do something you'll enjoy even if the date doesn't work out. The worst that can happen is that you will still have had a nice time.

Related Articles from High50

My Husband Left Me For A Younger Woman, So I Went Online To Find Sex

When Is A Date Not A Date? Or, Is 'Dinner' Just Dinner

Online Dating Over 50: How To Protect Yourself

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

25 Celebrities Who Are Aging Gracefully
Diane Keaton(01 of25)
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The actress told Huff/Post50 that with age has come more clarity and focus -- attributes she said she didn't necessarily have in her 20s and 30s."I think it gets more difficult as you get older because you're facing the end and endings are ... unbearable. Our lives are basically about facing that tragedy. And I think the sooner we face that we're going to die, the easier it is to appreciate the moments in life... When we realize that our lives will end, we take less for granted. That is what I've learned from loss. The whole thing is a fantastic mystery so all we can do is appreciate each moment." (credit:AP)
Susan Sarandon(02 of25)
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When it comes to aging and beauty, Sarandon takes an admirable "to-each-their-own" mentality, telling The Independent she would never weigh-in on what people do to make themselves happy.Her best advice?Sarandon has said: "The only thing I'd say is that learning how to forgive yourself for not being perfect is probably a really positive step." (credit:AP)
Tina Turner(03 of25)
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The legendary crooner has a straightforward, make-no-apologies take on age."That number doesn't mean a thing," she told Oprah in 2008. "It just doesn't." (credit:Getty)
Clint Eastwood(04 of25)
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"I think you have to enjoy getting older. That's the most important factor. If you sit around and think, 'Well, at 21, I was doing this,' or 'at 31' -- or what have you ..." Eastwood told CBS news back in 1997."A lot of people maybe do their best work when they're 40 and then tail off. But I think that's a mental attitude. I've done my best work, I think, now," he said. (credit:AP)
Helen Mirren(05 of25)
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Modesty and a healthy dose of humor are keys to Mirren aging so gracefully. When a gym recently gave her Body of the Year, she told the women of The View that she just sucked in her stomach."It was a beautiful thing that these fitness people did, I have to say," she said. "I think it was recognition of the fact that you don't have to be perfect." (credit:GF/bauergriffinonline.com)
Sheryl Crow(06 of25)
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The cancer survivor told Health.com that she is enjoying the aging process:"I definitely am embracing aging. When you shoot your face with Botox and stuff, you rob yourself of your ability to have youthful expressions, and that's why sometimes people look a lot older." (credit:Getty )
Sting(07 of25)
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In addition to maintaining a healthy love life with his wife Trudie Styler, the musician throws himself into yoga and embraces a positive outlook on life, telling USA Today:"When you reach a certain age, you realize that life is finite. You can be depressed by that, or you can say, 'I'm going to appreciate every minute to its maximum potential.'" (credit:bauergriffin)
Kim Cattrall(08 of25)
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"I consider 50 to be young. People are living so much longer, and besides, I don't think I look 50. I take really great care of myself," the actress told BlackBook magazine.Which is not to say Cattrall's afraid of her wrinkles. According to BlackBook,when the actress was asked if she wanted to have some photos heavily retouched she said, "F*** it. Leave it all in." (credit:Getty)
Iman(09 of25)
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When it comes to aging well, the stunning supermodel embraces kindness in its many forms."For me, skin care rituals are a form of meditation -- they keep me balanced. I am kind to my skin. I remove my makeup as soon as I get home and I apply moisturizer," she told O, The Oprah Magazine. "But just as important as being kind to my skin is being kind to younger women," she continued. "Kindness is a lovely quality to nurture as you get older. It makes you feel good about yourself." (credit:Getty)
Meryl Streep(10 of25)
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Often known as the great actress, Streep has embraced her age -- and recently being a rom-com leading lady -- with admirable glee."I'm 60, and I'm playing the romantic lead! Bette Davis is rolling over in her grave!" she joked with Vanity Fair in 2009. (credit:Getty)
Julianne Moore(11 of25)
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Julianne Moore is a natural beauty, and plans to remain one. When asked about Botox, Moore told Allure magazine that she, herself, is not a fan."I hate to condemn people for doing it, but I don't believe it makes people look better. I think it just makes them look like they had something done to their face," she told the magazine. "When you look at somebody who's had their face altered in some way, it just looks weird." (credit:DISCIULLO/bauergriffinonline.com)
Denzel Washington(12 of25)
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The actor has been refreshingly candid about both his accomplishments and his struggles as he ages. When Reader's Digest asked him what one thing he'd change about himself, he answered:"My weight! Mind, body and spirit. It's a discipline, and the body has been lagging. Mind's really good right now. Spirit is strong, but body's been lagging. And the body helps the mind. I feel better today having worked out." (credit:AP)
Michelle Pfeiffer(13 of25)
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Pfeiffer is measured, but honest about how growing older makes her feel."Honestly, there's certainly a mourning that takes place," told the Los Angeles Times in 2009. "I mourn the young girl, but I think that what replaces that is a kind of a liberation, sort of letting go of having to hold on to that. Everyone knows you're 50. So you don't have to worry about not trying to look 50." (credit:Getty)
Angelica Huston(14 of25)
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"This great fear of laugh lines and wrinkles and getting old is really unnatural. It happens to the best of us -- what are we going to do? It's a matter of whether you want to go to war with that and have surgery," the actress told iVillage UK. "Ultimately it's a slippery slope. I think you wind up looking like a thing rather than a younger version of yourself. I think you have to make peace with what you have and keep it all in order," she continued. (credit:AP)
Pierce Brosnan(15 of25)
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After being dropped as James Bond because, according to some reports, he was "too old" for the role, the actor had a positive take on things -- embracing the unknown with gusto."Oh, it turned out very lucky," he told Parade. "Within the space of the punch and the pain of being passed over or rejected or the bottom of your world falling out, within that same breath came this liberation of, 'I'm free. I can do anything I want.' It's up to me to have the guts to make the next stage of my career as interesting and as exciting and unexpected as possible." (credit:AP)
Sigourney Weaver(16 of25)
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"Actors' faces have to move," Weaver once told ABC, weighing in on cosmetic surgery. "It's a personal choice. It depends on what you want. Yes, we probably want to see perfect people, too, but we also want to see people who look like us. It's just about skin care to me and maybe exercise."And her laugh lines? "I've earned them," Weaver said. (credit:AXELLE/BAUER-GRIFFIN.COM)
Bruce Springsteen(17 of25)
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AARP magazine put The Boss on its cover when he turned 60 a few years back, because the editors believed he exemplified aging well."He's one of these crop of 50-plus and 60-plus celebrities who are busier than ever in their older years and doing some of their best work," editor Nancy Perry Graham told The New York Times. "The message with Bruce Springsteen is that 60 rocks." (credit:Getty)
Lauren Hutton(18 of25)
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According to The Telegraph, the beauty loves her changing beauty, believing it reflects a rich life."Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life," she said. "They are what we have been through and who we want to be." (credit:Getty (For TriBeca Film Festival))
Emma Thompson(19 of25)
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The British actress has said that she, personally, is all about aging naturally. "I'm not fiddling about with myself," she told The Telegraph. "We're in this awful youth-driven thing now where everybody needs to look 30 at 60." (credit:Getty)
Jamie Lee Curtis(20 of25)
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The actress has been open about embracing her age-related changes, famously posing for a magazine shoot sans clothes and sans Photoshop. But she's equally candid about how building self-confidence is a gradual process -- one that's gotten easier as she has aged."I feel much more authentic," she once told More magazine. "I'm not saying I'm a spiritually perfect person. I'm flawed and contradictory and fraught in many areas. But I'm better. I'm growing, and that's all I really want. (credit:Getty)
Isabella Rossellini(21 of25)
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"In interviews, the first question I get in America is always: 'What do you do to stay young?'" Rossellini told O, The Oprah Magazine. "I do nothing. I don't think aging is a problem ... I'm so surprised that the emphasis on aging here is on physical decay, when aging brings such incredible freedom. Now what I want most is laughs. I don't want to hurt anybody by laughing -- there is no meanness to it. I just want to laugh." (credit:AFP/Getty Images)
Diane Lane(22 of25)
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Lane told Glamour magazine that aging has given her welcome perspective."I wouldn't go back to being 20. Because here's the thing ... there is something wonderful about coming to terms with time -- that it is finite," she said. "You want to have as much joy in your life as possible, and you take responsibility for your own joy." (credit:Getty)
Antonio Banderas(23 of25)
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"I do yoga every morning, then I run for half an hour and take a sauna," the actor told AARP magazine of his healthy-aging routine. "And I eat properly. I drink a lot of white tea -- it's a very powerful antioxidant. (credit:Getty)
Betty White(24 of25)
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Though people look to her as one of the top models of aging well, the actress said she's never given it much thought."I never thought about age much," Betty told AARP magazine. "I learned that at my mother's knee. Age was not important. It was where your head was." (credit:Getty)
Annette Bening(25 of25)
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The writer-director of The Kids Are All Right said she cast Bening in part because she wanted someone who was real and who would not shy away from showing her age on screen."We never had a wrinkle conversation," she told The Wrap. "I just said, 'I want the make-up to be super-modest,' and that was the end of it." (credit:Getty)

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