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What Happens When Sex Changes?

Your sexuality will change. What turned you on before, may not anymore. Your body may change either through aging, accidents or disease. Death and taxes are not the only thing guaranteed as a human being. Your sexuality changing is a given.
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Sexuality and RelationshipInternationally Known Sex Educator for Women, Author, Founder, Back to The Body: Sensuous Retreats For Women

Sexuality and RelationshipInternationally Known Sex Educator for Women, Author, Founder, Back to The Body: Sensuous Retreats For Women
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Your sexuality will change. What turned you on before, may not anymore. Your body may change either through aging, accidents or disease. Death and taxes are not the only thing guaranteed as a human being. Your sexuality changing is a given.

One day we may wake up and our genitals may respond differently then they used to. They may not get hard when we want them to or get wet. Our genitals may develop quirky things and get sore in places that never got sore before.

Our relationship with life such as accidents or illness may bring us scarring, or changes in our anatomy such as the loss of breasts or organs. How we feel about our body erotically may be really challenged, and our sexuality may feel broken or disrupted.

Then what? Is the sex game over? I don't think so. I don't buy it. And I really don't want you to buy the sex over story either. The first thing that may need to happen is that you may need to grieve the change, whatever that change is. You may need to cry, rant and be furious. You may need to tell the story of your sexual change a lot of times over before you are ready for your sexual evolution. Finding a good sex therapist or sex coach could be very helpful for moving all of that emotional energy.

When you feel like you have moved a lot of the angst out of your body, you will be ready to begin your sexual evolution of finding some new and wonderful ways to express and enjoy the erotic pleasure that is in your body. I promise you that it is still there. You just need some support and practice to uncover it and work with it.

1. Leave behind the story that you are broken. You are not. End of story. You are different and different can open up tons of potential.

2. Go experimenting. I bet you don't even really know what is out there when it comes to all the different ways that you can have pleasure in your body? Go to sex shops, shop on line, go to various workshops and retreats that focus on sexual pleasure. There are lots of options, all over the world, to find professionals who will work with you privately or in group settings to help you uncover and explore the way into your evolving sexual pleasure.

3. Look at smart smut! That's right. I love "Lady Cheeky: Smut For Smarties". or The Pleasure Mechanics. Both these sites are run by women and they are different and excellent. Check out both of them.

4. Experiment with touch. Buy a massage table and invest in lots of coconut oil and lube. Touch each other for pleasure and attention without being "goal orientated."

5. Read sexy books that you would not normally read and see if you can feel any arousal going. What is in the book that is turning you on. Pay attention to your bodies clues. Perhaps some things that might turn you are may have been blocked by shame. Maybe it's time to open Pandora's box?

6. Seek out centers in your community that offer sexuality workshops. In Seattle there is there is "The Center for Sex Positive Culture", in Columbus Ohio there is "The Space" and in San Francisco there is The Center for Sex and Culture. And there are many more. Just Google it. Sometimes, your local sex store will host authors and sexperts too. Go! See what is happening past your old tired sex stall. You will find lots of people of every age, size, shape, disability, sexual orientation, as well as folks all over the gender spectrum. In other words, you will find other people crawling out of their box to find sexual pleasure in their lives. It's all going on, The only way to find it is to go explore.

Remember that you are not alone with your ever changing body and sexuality. No matter how your body is changing or how you libido is bouncing all over the place. See yourself as a sexual evolution in process. There is so much pleasure potential in your body, if you will only allow yourself to get out of your old stories. Once you are ready to reclaim your sexuality, you will find yourself on a brand new path to pleasure. Perhaps even, the best pleasure of your life.

Really.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

5 Ways Post50s Can Improve Their Sex Life
It's Not Over(01 of05)
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Everything in our culture makes people, and women in particular, feel that after the age of 40, they're no longer sexually attractive, and this belief gets internalized. But researcher Gina Ogden, in conducting her famed Isis study (a national survey of sexuality and spirituality), found that women in their 60s and 70s were having the best sex of their lives -- people need to understand that the brain is the most important sex organ in the body! (credit:Alamy )
Hardware vs. Software(02 of05)
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Men and women get into sexual patterns in their teens, 20s and 30s that never change. So in recognizing this, we need to say, "the hardware is going to stay the same, but we can update the software." And you can update the software by trying different things, but mostly by getting to know yourself. (credit:Alamy)
Practice, Practice, Practice(03 of05)
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If your body is an instrument, then you're only going to get better by practicing. And quite frankly, from a health standpoint, there isn't a better use of your time. Men take erection-enhancing drugs to increase nitric oxide in the penile blood vessels, but they can increase nitric oxide themselves by improving their sex lives either on their own or with a partner. Orgasms trigger a huge burst of nitric oxide, which balances the neurotransmitters in your body -- the same neurotransmitters that people take drugs to balance. It's a shame because antidepressants lower one's ability for full sexual expression, so the one thing that could really decrease depression is the one thing that the drugs quiet down. People don't realize that you can turn on chemicals in your own body without importing unnatural drugs to do it for you. (credit:Alamy)
Get Fit(04 of05)
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If you're fit, you're much more likely to have a satisfying sex life. Being and feeling healthy and being and feeling sexy are synonymous. I just spoke to a 70-year-old friend of mine -- a total fox -- who's trying his luck on eHarmony. So we talked about what people in his demographic are looking for, and we both agreed -- health! When you're healthy and your hardware is working the best it can, you can focus on downloading new software. (credit:Alamy)
Take Your Time(05 of05)
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Women need to understand that they are far more complicated sexually than men are. For men, the focus is in the genitals. But with women, sex is like a martial art, and women need to master that art and have the ability to move sexual energy around, manipulate sounds and focus on certain areas. The beauty of being over 50 is that you have more time to practice this. Women need 45 minutes to get fully turned-on. Do you know how long the average couple spends making love? 15 minutes. Slow down! Take time! (credit:Alamy)

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