I loved Mary. And Phyllis, Sue Ann Nivens and Georgette... but I was, I am, a Rhoda. Through Rhoda, Valerie Harper gave me and countless other girls permission to be outspoken, opinionated, talk with a funny accent and dream of shining in a supporting role so brightly as to become a leading lady and a star, while remaining true to her essence.
A woman of grace, she's garnered nothing but praise, not only for the talent and the funny, but also for the person she is and has always been.
For a bossy yet sensitive Jewish girl from the Bronx, it's what I aspired to.
I met Valerie and her husband Tony Cacciotti last year right around the time her memoir, I, Rhoda, was dropping. I was immediately struck by the love, care and respect they share. I wanted what they were having. Warm and gracious, they patiently listened as I made my pitch for her to read at Women Who Write. Which takes place in my living room. On the other end of LA. Right in the middle of her fancy schmancy book tour.
Lest you judge, Carl Reiner, Garry Marshall, Micky Dolenz, Kevin Pollak, Jackie Collins, Marlee Matlin and Robert Morse are a few who've made the pilgrimage.
I continued my pursuit on The Facebook. But we weren't friends and you know where those messages go...
Fate stepped in to lend a miracle.
Pamela Cameron, a Women Who Write regular who works part time as a salesgirl, waited on Valerie a month or so ago and reconnected us. A few weeks and emails later, sans fanfare, Valerie and Tony arrived at my home in time to cheer on singer-songwriter, Cynthia Carle and writers Wendy Lawless and Judi Hollis. Cause that's the way they roll.
If I were told that my time was limited, how would I spend it? Dinner in Paris? Seeing every play on London's West End? Begging Ryan Gosling to sleep with me? What the hell was she doing readying to read to a roomful of mostly middle-aged women on a Tuesday afternoon, a schlep-and-a-half from civilization?
Valerie isn't living her bucket list. She's living her life.
Defying age and any inkling of illness, Valerie took to the podium with the feisty passion, enthusiasm and good humor of Rhoda Morgenstern. I swear there were moments she looked exactly like she did in the '70s and sounded precisely like one of the tribe.
She noted something specific and special about each of the performances, a gracious act of generosity, which dispelled any notion that her organ in question was firing on fewer than all cylinders.
She read a bit from her charming, funny, informative, I, Rhoda, something she doesn't usually do, but she wanted to honor our forum. She encouraged us to ask questions. She answered them dispassionately, rationally and without censor, about her symptoms, illness, diagnosis and spiritual beliefs.
She was calm and measured. We were a mess.
In spite of the only six day advance booking, and being packed to the kishkas, it was an almost effortless event. It flowed and was drenched with love. Just like Valerie.
They say we reap what we sow.
For the past two weeks people have been sharing their stories, one more extraordinary than the next. What's come through from all of them is Valerie's consistent, extreme kindnesses when no one's looking. Typified this day.
Not only was she determined to sign every book, she made sure to date each one as well, so they would have more value for the owner. She shared a hug, a few words, and took a picture with each and everyone... never stopping to eat, or drink, sitting in the most uncomfortable chair in my house to be more accessible, and staying way past her allotted time, causing her to have to rush like crazy to her next appointment.
What Valerie did for just about every woman in the room as Rhoda was magnified a gazillionfold that day... showing up for us, deeming us that important, exemplifying the true power of now, of sheer will and grace, and filling our hearts to overflowing. The day was a collective treasure. Goddess energy at its best. Valerie our queen. Long may she reign.
Valerie Harper is teaching me how to live.
I'm a Rhoda. I aspire to be... a Valerie.
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To watch Women Who Write celebrity readings and performances click here.
Post 50 Female Legends And Icons
The Disney Princess(01 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Ann Sweeney (53)Why: In a world where young girls dream of being like Cinderella, Snow White, and Jasmine -- we can't help but think how cool it is that there's a new Disney princess to look up to: Ann Sweeney. As the co-chair of Disney Media Networks and President of Disney-ABC Television Group, she is a woman in a predominately male business. Sweeney uses this platform to work in organizations such as Cable Positive - a group of CEOs that work with the media's resources in the fight against AIDS. Photo: Getty (credit:Getty)
The Fashion Icon(02 of20)
Open Image ModalThe Philanthropist(03 of20)
Open Image ModalThe California Girl(04 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Dianne Feinstein (78)Why: In many ways, it seems the San-Francisco born Feinstein has been a heavy-hitter since the day she was born. The former (and first-female) San Francisco Mayor is a California girl thru-and-thru who has survived divorce, death, and even representing the Democrats in the Senate.Photo: Getty (credit:Getty)
The Empowerer(05 of20)
Open Image ModalThe Zen Master(06 of20)
Open Image ModalThe Resilient Author(07 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Joan Didion (76)Why: After the literary icon behind "Slouching Towards Bethlehem" and "Play It As It Lays" endured the deaths of both her husband and daughter - she gave us the gift of "The Year Of Magical Thinking". "Blue Nights," Joan Didion's memoir about her daughter, Quintana, will be released on Nov. 1, 2011.Photo: Getty
The Reinventor(08 of20)
Open Image ModalThe Go-To Girl(09 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Barbara Walters (82)Why: She's undeniably the queen of interviews having questioned the likes of Monica Lewinsky, Hugo Chavez, Anna Wintour, Katherine Hepburn and Anwar Al Sadat -- to name a few. Now holding the reigns on The View she's as strong as she's ever been.Photo: Getty
The CEO(10 of20)
Open Image ModalThe Funny Girl(11 of20)
Open Image ModalThe Rockstar(12 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Bonnie Raitt (61)Why: The best-selling, classic blues-playing rockstar follows in rebel music history with her long-standing political activism. She frequently speaks out against politicians she doesn't support and just as often she praises those she admires. In 2000, she was inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame - for a game that mostly men play - but we aren't knocking her dad, John, because we loved him too.Photo: Getty (credit:Getty)
The Academy Queen(13 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Meryl Streep (62)Why: Not only does she have 16 Academy Award nominations and 25 Golden Globe nominations, but she often has won these accolades playing roles that defy the gender roles assigned to women. Streep plays Margaret Thatcher in the upcoming film, "The Iron Lady". Photo: Getty
The Peacemaker(14 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Hillary Clinton (63)Why: The current Secretary of State is no stranger to gossip. She has always risen above adversity with dignity and style. Not only was she an active First Lady, but she did as we know, run for President herself. No shame in that!Photo: Getty
The Power Player(15 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Diane Sawyer (65)Why: The former host of Good Morning America and current anchor of ABC World News has interviewed famous people such as Robert McNamara, Nancy Pelosi, Richard Nixon, Nancy Reagan, Madonna, and Roman Polanski. She was one accused of being "Deep Throat" and has fought the "Mommy War" rumors with ease.Photo: Getty (credit:Getty)
The 'Leading' Lady(16 of20)
Open Image ModalThe Pioneer(17 of20)
Open Image ModalThe Helper(18 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Condoleezza Rice (56)Why: The former Secretary of State and National Security Advisor did not forget the importance of strong educational roots. After her time concluded at the White House, Rice returned to Stanford as a Political Economy Professor in the Graduate School of Business. Rice has been prolific in female society roles. She is on the Board at both the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts and the Boys and Girls Clubs of America.Photo: Getty (credit:Getty)
The Girl's Girl(19 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Gloria Steinem (77)Why: As the leader of the Women's Liberation Movement, Steinem has been at this for a while -- and she's not backing down. She co-founded the Women's Media Center, the Coalition of Labor Union Women and Ms. Magazine. She is writing a book about her activism, with the working title of "Road to the Heart: America As if Everyone Mattered."Photo: Getty
The Movie Star(20 of20)
Open Image ModalWho: Michelle Pfeiffer (53)Why: The one-time Cat woman has shied away from press in the past, but her recent cover for Elle Magazine's "Women In Hollywood 2011" issue has reminded us all that she never really left the limelight. Photo: Getty
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