The Blog post50MoneyPlastic Surgery

Beauty And The Zen Of Capitalism (How They All Lied And I Ate It Up)

Something funny happened as I matured and had money to spend. When my dental hygienist commented on my 'great' teeth, I was baffled at first. They didn't seem at all to resemble the ones in the Colgate commercials, but when I looked closer, I noticed that they weren't cracked or wildly uneven. Maybe that constitutes beauty?
Open Image Modal
By 

Film Producer

Film Producer
|
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.

Before you judge me, know that it's not my assessment, but the collective conclusion of my manicurist, hair stylists, and all the other good people who provide me with their services.

It wasn't always like that. When I was growing up, I made the same observation as the great Cate Blanchett when describing her looks on '60 Minutes': 'Not particularly beautiful, not too ugly'. (Hey Cate, while I continue to hear from people that I remind them of you -- our selfie, unfortunately, proves otherwise -.. haha.)

Since money, plastic surgery and sex tapes were not an option when I grew up, I bravely chose a more conventional, if optimistic, road to upward mobility: with good education, hard work, sense of humor and a dash of style, I will somehow make up for the limited God-given dazzling physical attributes.

Indeed, the compliments I received along the way reflected that approach. Yes, sometimes I heard that I was beautiful but that usually involved candles and a liquored agenda ... True, sometimes I wished it was so, as it seemed the easiest way to get what one wanted, but I knew better ... Suck it up, girl!

But something funny happened as I matured and had money to spend.

It started in a small way. My manicurist complimented me on my delicate, 'pianist' fingers. Frankly, I never thought of them as special, but now that I looked, they seemed rather nice. Wasn't it lovely of this lady to notice them? I made a mental note to give her a generous tip so she could continue the good work.

When my dental hygienist commented on my 'great' teeth, I was baffled at first. They didn't seem at all to resemble the ones in the Colgate commercials, but when I looked closer, I noticed that they weren't cracked or wildly uneven. Maybe that constitutes beauty? While I did previously considered moving to a cheaper hygienist, it now seemed a petty and ungrateful maneuver on my part.

When my hairdresser admired my 'good' hair, my initial reaction was that of disbelief. She couldn't possibly mean the same hair I struggled with all my life? mmm ... I wonder if Albert Einstein had received and wholly accepted compliments on his hair from his barber? But seriously, what possible motive would my professional, successful hairdresser have to lie to me?

I scolded myself for my skepticism and paranoia and continued to roll with the compliments. From my massage therapist to my trainer and dermatologist -- they kept coming, and I ate it up. After all, didn't some Cosmo survey conclude that we think less of our appearances than others do? If it was so apparent to all these professionals who knew their business, maybe it was not lost on the rest of the world just because I was blind to it?

It wasn't until I was 50 and had to do my first routine cardiac stress test that I finally had a rude awakening.

As I was being hooked up to the monitor, nervous about the outcome, the technician turned to me from the monitor and smiled, "You have such a pretty heart!"

What? They are complimenting my organs now?

My young assistant was not surprised. She once went to see her gynecologist about a problem and he told her, "You have very hospitable ovaries". She walked out of his office proudly holding her stomach for the world to see, although in reality she has no plans of having a baby ... She just felt very special for that day.

We had to laugh. The enormity of the conspiracy was finally exposed. It was business 101: Always compliment the clients as they will give their money to anybody who would make them believe they are prettier, younger and healthier than they really are.

We were embarrassed that we let ourselves be roped in by that make-believe capitalist plot ... Never again, we vowed. We got your number now.

Recently, my doctor insisted it's time for colonoscopy. I looked at the prep days of brutal diet and bathroom torture and all I want to do is bail. And yet, secretly, I just can't wait to hear: "You have such a gorgeous rectum".

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

8 Items That Slow The Aging Process
Pomegranate Juice(01 of08)
Open Image Modal
Studies show that a glass of pomegranate juice a day could keep the wrinkles at bay. Pomegranate has previously been linked to the prevention of heart disease and stress relief, but now researchers have found that the fruit juice also slows down the natural oxidation ("wear and tear") of DNA. (credit:Getty Images)
Berries(02 of08)
Open Image Modal
Blueberries and blackberries and other berries are packed with antioxidant compounds known as anthocyanins, which have been shown to reduce the growth of certain cancers while also helping with brain function and muscle tone. (credit:Shutterstock)
Green Tea(03 of08)
Open Image Modal
Green tea has all sorts of health benefits including the ability to quell inflammation with its strong antioxidants. Chronic inflammation has a part in diabetes and other diseases. In addition, researchers have found that green tea can inhibit oxidative stress and the potential inflammation that might result from it. (credit:Getty Images)
Olive Oil(04 of08)
Open Image Modal
Studies have shown that olive oil's strong antioxidants may help prevent age-related diseases. In addition, the low rates of heart disease and cancer on the Greek island of Crete are attributed in large part to olive oil's monounsaturated fats. (credit:Getty Images)
Vitamin C(05 of08)
Open Image Modal
Many studies have illustrated the benefits of vitamin C in boosting cell renewal. Indeed, vitamin C helps form collagen, which smooths fine lines and wrinkles. (credit:Getty Images)
Fish(06 of08)
Open Image Modal
Studies have even shown that people who eat loads of fish live longer. One study of middle-aged American men found that those who ate fish two to three times per week boasted a 40 percent lower mortality rate than those who did not. (credit:Getty Images)
Orange Veggies(07 of08)
Open Image Modal
Orange veggies such as carrots, pumpkin and squash are packed with alpha-carotene. And studies show that people whose blood levels measured highest for alpha-carotene were least likely to die of cancer, heart disease or any other cause over an 18-year period. (credit:AP)
Sunscreen(08 of08)
Open Image Modal
Australian researchers have found that people who applied a daily dollop of sunscreen had fewer wrinkles on their skin than those who didn't use sunscreen regularly. (credit:Getty Images)

Our 2024 Coverage Needs You

As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.

Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.

to keep our news free for all.

Support HuffPost
Suggest a correction
|
Submit a tip