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Why I'm No Longer The Woman My Husband Married

This is true. I'm not the woman that my husband married 35 years ago. I have been sexually satisfied and terribly frustrated.
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Sexuality and RelationshipInternationally Known Sex Educator for Women, Author, Founder, Back to The Body: Sensuous Retreats For Women

Sexuality and RelationshipInternationally Known Sex Educator for Women, Author, Founder, Back to The Body: Sensuous Retreats For Women
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This is true. I'm not the woman that my husband married 35 years ago.

I have been many women since then. I have been a kindergarten teacher who worked with crayons, songs and picture books. I have been a newlywed who took delight in a spice rack at her wedding shower. I have been a journalist, published author, blogger and ghost writer. On top of all of it. I have been the founder of a fertility non-profit, an activist, and a lawmaker -- I have been a professional agitator of change that has been honored, pandered to AND fired.

I have been sexually satisfied and terribly frustrated; a submissive, a dominatrix -- both master and slave. I have been the woman who has both loved and hated her body. I have believed in love and I have felt betrayed by love. I have been the gift embraced and cherished, and the gift left half opened and discarded. Yes, I have known what it is to be the object of desire, the seductress and siren --- and what it is to be dumped on my ass.

I am not the woman that my husband married. I was a virgin bride that turned into some kind of pleasure revolutionary. I have been "Straight" and "Something Else."

I am not the woman who believed in monogamy. I am not the woman who has felt betrayed by the promise of polyamory. I keep turning into a different woman with each day.

Vows and promises are never good forever. A life well lived is a life full of renegotiation. Go ahead. Think that you are different. It's adorable like kittens,hearts and flowers. I'm not jaded. I have just been around. In truth, that's why people lie and cheat. It's why people leave each other. We don't allow for evolution. We think we can box someone in and capture them in time -- forever. But you're never who you are tomorrow.

Not if you look closely. Not if you are willing to be honest.

I am not the woman that my husband married.

I am some kind of garden. I'm constantly replanting myself. I am not a building or a fixed object. There is no brick. I wake up each day and I don't know what I'm going to write, who I'm going to talk to and what direction my path will take me in. I am my own mystery.

Notice the pattern and the expectation in your own life. Are you planting a garden or building a skyscraper? Are you making vows with the expectation of Elmer's Glue or Cryo-Preservation?

Or is there a possibility of creating an evolutionary life?

I'm not the woman that my husband married. I'm not the woman that someone dated. Or that a lover left.

I am in the midst of constant reconstruction.

I recommend it.

Pamela Madsen runs retreats around the world to help women re-connect to their bodies and sensuous nature and is author of the book; "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner" (Rodale 2011).

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

Natural ED Treatments
Arginine(01 of09)
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Nitric oxide is a key component in developing and maintaining an erection. The amino acid L-arginine -- found naturally in red meat, fish and wheat germ among other foods -- is known to boost the body's production of nitric oxide and has been used to successful treat ED in the past, according to WebMD. The Natural Medicines Comprehensive Database has also said the amino acid could be used to treat ED, Everyday Health reports. (credit:Alamy)
Spider Venom(02 of09)
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The toxin PnTx2-6 -- found in the venom of the Brazilian wandering spider -- was found to improve "erectile function in aged rats," according to a study published in August. (credit:Wikimedia Commons)
Pomegranate Juice(03 of09)
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Pomegranate juice has a number of health benefits; researchers recently found the tart drink was responsible for lowering blood pressure. A 2007 small-scale study that found promising results in using pomegranate juice to protect against ED called for a larger test to prove its efficacy, WebMD reports. (credit:Alamy)
Yohimbe(04 of09)
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Mmm, bark. Prior to Viagra hitting the market, doctors would prescribe the bark of the African yohimbe tree to ED sufferers. While its ability to improve erections is questioned, doctors are no stranger to its yohimbe's many scary side effects, including increased blood pressure and irregular heart beat, according to WebMD. (credit:Alamy)
Ginseng(05 of09)
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Live Science noted that ginseng was among one of the many natural aphrodisiacs that had the most potential to treat ED. (credit:ShutterStock)
Gingko(06 of09)
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A recent study found that ginko biloba extract does not prevent memory loss in those with Alzheimer's, but it may help ED sufferers by increasing blood flow to the penis, according to Mayo Clinic. (credit:Alamy)
Epimedium(07 of09)
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Also known by its snicker-inducing name horny goat weed, epimedium has traditionally been used in Chinese medicine to treat ED, according to the Mayo Clinic. However it warns that there has been little study into the herb's side effects, which include blood thinning and lower blood pressure. (credit:Alamy)
Zinc(08 of09)
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For men with zinc deficiency, taking the mineral may help with erectile dysfunction, according to Mayo Clinic. (credit:Alamy)
Acupuncture(09 of09)
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A recent survey of four studies found there wasn't enough evidence to prove that using the centuries-old practice to treat ED actually worked. But urologist Bruce Gilbert told Everyday Health acupuncture is worth a shot: "It probably works best to treat the psychological component of ED. There is very little downside to trying it." (credit:Alamy)

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