The Moment I Understood What My Mother Meant By 'La Sangre Llama'

When I was 12, I visited Cuba for the first time. This mysterious place that was so close and yet so far. I was going to meet my family for the first time. And it was the first experience that opened the door to truly understanding what my mother had been saying all those years.
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"La sangre llama", is something I heard my mother say countless times as a child. She would say it by way of explaining why her American born children, growing up in the middle of The Bronx in New York City, loved "our" food, moved instinctively and with seemingly no self-awareness to "our" music, and spoke "our" language with the same rapid fire Cuban cadence of those born there.

Then, when I was 12, I visited Cuba for the first time. This mysterious place that was so close and yet so far, shrouded in intrigue and innuendo and that glorious cold war term, "propaganda." None of which had anything to do with me.

I was going to meet my family for the first time. It was going to be the first time my mother had wrapped her arms around my grandmother in 22 years. And it was the first experience that opened the door to truly understanding what my mother had been saying all those years.

We arrived at Jose Marti airport quite late at night. I was so excited. My 12-year-old brain was spinning. All I was thinking was that I was breathing Cuban air, and walking on Cuban soil, and there were Cuban palm trees (which incidentally was my nick name in junior high. "Cuban Palm Tree". Kids are so clever) and the workers at the airport were Cuban, and I was surrounded by Cubans in CUBA!!

We were to go directly to my grandmother's house. It was years later when I could only begin to understand what that ride must have been like for my mother. When we finally arrived, what I witnessed was a love of singular category. A ferocity of nature, that momentarily wiped out everything around them. It seemed like forever before my mother called me and my sister to her.

My abuelita, Juana -- how was I going to fit 12 years of kisses and hugs into a week? I managed. After all, I still had all those aunts and uncles and cousins on my father's side! But a funny thing happened right around day three. All of that excitement and emotion had morphed into peaceful contentment.

My mother was right. Mi sangre, my blood, quite unbeknownst to me, had been calling out towards Cuba with the hope of merging once again and becoming whole. And there I was -- skipping through the streets of Havana with my cousins, hearing family anecdotes, ducking flying water bugs (those suckers are epic) and dreaming in Spanish. There was this other place now, where I belonged, that I understood and understood me.

I would love to spin a technicolor homage to Latin Heritage, the likes of which would conjure the kind of imagery reminiscent of old MGM musicals. After all, we can do pageantry and parades in our sleep. But I can't, because it wasn't pageantry that got my parents through language barriers, racist employers and cold New York winters.

They left a pre-Castro Cuba, because they saw a future in a country they believed in, never expecting the door would be slammed shut behind them for more than two decades. And so it was. They worked hard and sacrificed and thrived! They pieced together family, created their own and passed on their customs, language, history and of course, that precious blood, in which there is all the stuff you won't find in a book.

A lot has happened in the 34 years since my first visit to Cuba. I lost my mother to cancer, the Soviet Union collapsed, the Berlin Wall came down, and I grew up and left that magnificent Cuban cocoon of my parents' making -- and became an actress (my father still doesn't know where he went wrong).

Nevertheless, I happily became a willing participant in an industry that has a really hard time seeing me as a Latina woman. This Business of Show that has an incredibly unapologetic history of eradicating ethnicity, changing namesand hairlines and, well... history.

I honestly didn't see it coming. Much like the Cold War, Hollywood's past had nothing on me. Has it been challenging? Even heart breaking? At times, yes. Soul crushing? Por favor! Ignorance doesn't get to define me! And pretending all this deliciousness isn't Cuban, doesn't make it so. And so, like my parents before me, I saw a future in a world I believe in, and I continue to make space and create realities that are truer reflections of the world we live in.

I'm married now and have a daughter of my own. My husband is not Cuban, although he'll tell you over the years, he's become Cuban enough. And then one day, a brilliant discovery. My daughter was two months old when she became particularly fussy and unhappy. For my own sanity, I turned on some music. Albita's "Valgo el Brillo de Tus Ojos" began to play. And before the first percussive 8 bars were over, she was quiet. More than that, she was happy.

I thought it was a fluke. But time and again, Salsa music was the magic bullet to her discomfort. She's 8 now, and runs into the kitchen and says, "I smell picadillo!" and she's right. She doesn't ask me to bake cupcakes for her class birthday party. She wants a flan. And proudly announces to her confused non-Latino peers, "It's a Cuban dessert, like me."

She swings her hips to salsa music, and blasts Celia Cruz on her iPod while brushing her teeth. And as I stood in my kitchen with tears streaming down my face, as President Obama announced the ban was lifted, my daughter came to me and said, "Mommy, does this mean I'm going to finally meet my people?"

She, like her mother, is a happy, well-adjusted American girl with a heart that beats to a clave rhythm and blood that calls out to an ancestry of singular category. And, somewhere, my mother is smiling.

In honor of Hispanic Heritage Month, The Huffington Post asked celebrated figures in the community to write about Hispanic heroes who have shaped their lives and/or how their heritage has made an impact on their lives and careers. We will be sharing their stories throughout the month. But we know they're not alone. If you'd like to share your own story, email us at latinovoices@huffingtonpost.com.

Also on HuffPost:

Latino Historical Events Every American Should Know
Cabeza De Vaca(01 of17)
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What Happened: Hispanics, including mestizos, indigenous and Afro-descended people from the area today known as Mexico, explored North America almost a century before the British first founded Jamestown.

Why It Matters: Hispanics aren't foreigners in this country. Latinos, particularly those with Mesoamerican roots, have deeper roots in North America than those with other European backgrounds.
(credit:MPI via Getty Images)
Los Angeles Founded in 1781(02 of17)
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What Happened: A group of Spaniards, Afro-Latinos, indigenous people and mestizos setting out from colonial-era Mexico traveled into California and founded the city of Los Angeles.

Why It Matters: Today Los Angeles is the city with the country’s largest Hispanic population, at nearly 6 million in 2011.
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José Martí Lived In New York City(03 of17)
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What Happened: Poet, revolutionary and Cuban nationalist José Martí spent four years in New York City, where he wrote for both English- and Spanish-language newspapers, developing ideas that would influence his thinking about the often tense relationship between the U.S. and Latin America.

Why It Matters: Martí was one of Latin America's greatest intellectuals, earning him a statue in front of Central Park in Manhattan.
(credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
U.S. Extends Citizenship To Puerto Ricans In 1917(04 of17)
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What Happened: Perhaps not for the most altruistic of reasons, the United States extended both citizenship and, shortly after, military conscription to Puerto Rico in 1917, as World War I raged in Europe.

Why It Matters: Puerto Ricans are American just like anyone born in the 50 states.
(credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
First Hispanic U.S. Senator(05 of17)
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What Happened: Octaviano Larrazolo of New Mexico became the first Hispanic elected to the U.S. Senate. As a politician, he pushed to boost Hispanic representation so that the political system would reflect the state's population. He also helped write portions of the state's constitution guaranteeing that people of Mexican descent wouldn't be disfranchised.

Why It Matters: Because score Team Latino!
Mendez v. Westminster Decided (06 of17)
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What Happened: Before Brown v. Board of Education in 1954, the courts ruled it unconstitutional to segregate students of Mexican heritage into inferior schools. The plaintiff, Sylvia Mendez, sued after being turned away from a "whites only" public school in California.

Why It Matters: The 1947 decision from the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals helped pave the way for Brown v. Board of Education and played a key role in making school segregation illegal. This undated image provided by the U.S. Postal Service shows a 41-cent postage stamp, to be released Friday, Sept. 14 in Santa Ana, Calif., commemorating the 1946 court decision, Mendez v. Westminster School District, that paved the way for the nation's school desegregation. (AP Photo/USPS)
(credit:AP)
The Longoria Affairs Shook Texas Politics In 1948(07 of17)
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What Happened: Private Felix Longoria was killed in the Philippines as World War II came to an end. When his body was recovered and returned to his hometown of Three Rivers, Texas, the director of the funeral home forbad the family from using the chapel because he feared white residents would disapprove.

The G.I. Forum, a civil rights organization led by Hector P. Garcia, organized a campaign that caught the attention of then-U.S. Sen. Lyndon Johnson. He arranged for Longoria to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery.

Why It Matters: This repudiation of anti-Mexican-American sentiment stands as a milestone in march toward the guarantee of Latino’ civil rights.
(credit:AP)
The Cuban Revolution Comes To Power In 1959(08 of17)
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What Happened: Following the triumph of the Cuban Revolution in 1959 and its sharp leftward turn toward Communism within the next two years,

Why It Matters: More than one million Cubans left the island as the Revolution became more radical, with most of them settling in Miami, Fl., a city they transformed. Subsequent waves of Cubans migrated to the United States in the 1980s, with the Mariel boatlift, and the 1990s, after the fall of the Soviet Union upended the island’s economy.
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Delano Grape Pickers Strike Of 1965-1970(09 of17)
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What Happened: In 1965, Filipino and Latino farmworker unions joined in a strike, and latter a boycott of grapes in the Delano area of California to protest poor conditions. The five-year campaign ultimately succeeded in forcing the grape producers to sign union contracts.

Why It Matters: This early victory helped secure the place of the United Farm Works and its leader Cesar Chavez key players in the Latino civil rights movement.
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Zoot Suit Riots(10 of17)
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What Happened: In the 1940s, tensions in California rose between Chicanos and Anglo sailors living there. Authorities viewed many young Chicanos, who favored baggy zoot suits, as criminals. Sailors went around beating them up. The tensions eventually erupted into a week of rioting in June of 1943, when some 200 sailors descended upon Los Angeles and severely beat several "pachucos," at times stripping the suits from their bodies. The violence was met with indifference from police.

Why It Matters: The Zoot Suit Riots stand as a prominent example of the discrimination faced by the Mexican-American community that offers context for the Latino civil rights movement.
(credit:(AP))
The Killing Of Ruben Salazar(11 of17)
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What Happened: During a riot in 1970, police shot prominent journalist Ruben Salazar with a tear gas canister while he was drinking a beer at the Silver Dollar Bar and Cafe in Los Angeles, killing him.

Why It Matters: Salazar was one of the great Mexican-American journalists of his time, who covered local politics with the same vigor as he covered foreign wars. His killing is viewed by many as a symbol of the injustices committed against the Chicano community in California.
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Roberto Clemente Helps Change MLB History(12 of17)
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A champion of black and Hispanic rights who began his career before the end of segregation, Roberto Clemente was the first Latino in professional baseball to reach 3,000 hits. He played in two World Series, winning MVP in the 1971 games.

"My greatest satisfaction comes from helping to erase the old opinion about Latin Americans and blacks," Clemente said toward the end of his career. He died in a plane crash in 1972 while delivering supplies to Nicaragua after an earthquake.

Why It Matters: The trailblazing Puerto Rican-born ballplayer not only built a stellar career, but also acted as politically conscious representative of the Latino community at a time when professional sports included few Hispanics. Score Team Latino!
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1986 Immigration Reform(13 of17)
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What Happened: In 1986, President Ronald Reagan signed an immigration reform into law that legalized the status of some 3 million people.

Why It Matters: It proves that passing comprehensive immigration legislation is possible.
(credit:Former President Ronald Reagan (AP))
NAFTA Signed In 1994(14 of17)
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What Happened: The countries of Mexico, the United States and Canada signed a free trade agreement in 1994 that reduced trade barriers between the three countries.

Though money was allowed to cross borders more freely, people were not. Millions of Mexican farm workers lost their jobs as cheap U.S. imports put Mexican farms out of business. Many of those migrants eventually wound up in the United States.

Why It Matters: Many Americans think that Latinos leave their countries of origin in order to pursue the American dream. In fact, economic policies that dry up Latin American jobs drive illegal immigration more than the intangible lure of a foreign lifestyle.
(credit:AP)
Prop 187(15 of17)
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What Happened: California Gov. Pete Wilson (R) championed this draconian referendum that would have made it illegal to provide public services, including schools and hospitals, to undocumented immigrants. Challenged in the courts, the law never went into effect.

Why It Matters: Prop 187 paved the way for a long series of anti-immigrant legislation championed by nativists generally allied with the Republican Party. These laws, that many Latinos view as an attack on their communities, help to explain why the GOP consistently underperforms among Hispanic voters.
(credit:AP)
Mexican-American Studies Banned In Arizona(16 of17)
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What Happened: Following allegations that an experimental Mexican-American Studies curriculum in Tucson, Ariz., politicized students, Republican politicians passed legislation to shut it down. Under pressure from state officials, the local board of education dismantled the program, credited by independent researchers with boosting student achievement and fostering critical thinking skills. A lawsuit challenging the legislation has been appealed to the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.

Why It Matters: There are those in this country who feel so threatened by Hispanics that they refuse to let us learn our history.
(credit:(AP))
Largest Ethnic Group In The Most Populous U.S. State(17 of17)
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What Happened: This year, Latinos became the largest ethnic group in the state of California, overtaking non-Hispanic whites.

Why It Matters: Latinos constantly deal with the misperception that we're somehow more foreign than the other immigrant-descended people who live here. In fact, about two-thirds of U.S. Hispanics were born in this country. In places like California or New Mexico, where Latinos are the largest ethnic group, it's become increasingly impossible to deny that Latinos are as American as everyone else.
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