12 Questions You Should Never Ask Within 5 Minutes Of Meeting Someone

12 Questions You Should Never Ask Within 5 Minutes Of Meeting Someone
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Small talk is perhaps the most anxiety-inducing part of meeting new people. What do you say to someone you barely know without bringing up the weather or making petty observations of how strong your drink is or how you've never been to this bar before?

We get it, it's tough. Even so, there are certain questions that should never be used to fill this void... especially when the void has only lasted for about five minutes.

Save yourself the embarrassment of being written off as insensitive. The next time you're at a cocktail party surrounded by new people, steer clear of the following questions:

"What ARE you?"

Never, ever appropriate. The person you are talking to is human. Sorry, was that not clear?

Steer clear of this and its only slightly better cousin, "Where are you from?" If you want to know about somebody's ethnic background, try this: "Where did you grow up?"

This might not get you the information you were hoping for, but still, you're better off showing interest in a person's experiences than their ethnicity anyway.

"How are you still single?"

This just feels uh-ma-zing. People don't know why they're single, it's not like they've been sitting around doing studies on why they can't seem to find someone they're compatible with.

Let's talk about anything else in the world EXCEPT the reasons for being single.

"How old are you?"

Rude. So, so rude. Way to spotlight someone and make them feel like their age defines them, at least in your eyes.

This kind of stuff usually reveals itself later in the conversation more naturally anyway, so just wait it out.

"Are you seeing someone?"

Will someone's relationship status change the way you speak to them? It might, especially if you're fueling off an instant attraction to the person. Still, ease into it -- this just sounds aggressive in the first five minutes.

Also, avoid using the word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" specifically. On the off chance you "guess" inaccurately in terms of someone's sexual orientation, your incorrect assumption that someone is gay or straight probably won't endear you to that person.

"Do you vote Republican or Democrat?"

How on earth did we end up here? Nobody has got the time for the follow-up this will most likely spark.

Social decorum means no talk of politics at the dinner table/bar/brunch gathering/pretty much anywhere that is not a politics class -- at least not at the very beginning of the conversation. Read the room.

"Are you religious?

A bit heavy for a first meet, wouldn't you say? Some might consider the topic of religion is just as off limits as politics, TIMES ONE HUNDRED. Are you ready for the aftermath in case they do?

Assuming they answer this question honestly, then what? In the rare event that this could turn into a debate of "convert or be converted" (regardless of what ideology, or even lack thereof, that's involved), let's just not.

"Do you work out?"

Does it matter if someone works out? Are you really dying to know? What purpose will this information serve you at this moment? Plus, people likely can't tell if you're hitting on them purely on the basis of their physique, or if you're suggesting something about their own behavior.

"Where's your name from?"

You think you're smooth, but you're not, you're really not. This is just another ploy to find out more information about the other person's background.

Why the games? No one's going to get hurt if you simply ask the questions directly (we hope).

"What do you do?"

In life? For work? On Saturday mornings when the weather is nice?

The one asking is usually the one who wants to spill their guts and brag about their fabulous job. In a day and age where we essentially ARE our jobs, we urge you to dig into the depths of your socializing skills and talk about something else -- for the first five minutes at least.

"What's your name again?

Some people just aren't good with names, we get it. It's not too big of a deal, except for when you make the person repeat their name three times within five minutes.

Do the proper thing: Wait until they walk away and then go run and ask your friend what their name is again. Or at least give it ten minutes before you ask them to repeat their own. And when you do, assume that they've forgotten your name as well so you level the playing field.

"Oh I'm sorry, am I boring you?"

Where is this coming from? Who gets bored in under five minutes? Chances are they're just getting to know you and you're pretty great right? Right!

And if they are bored, they can walk away. You don't have to check on them, they're adults (unless they're not, in which case you should be asking this question, because the poor kid is probably indeed bored).

Honorable Mention: "When's the baby due?"

This one doesn't come up too often. But if you don't know for sure, steer clear. This is literally the WORST thing when it turns out someone is NOT, in fact, pregnant.

Wait until it becomes very, very obvious that the woman is expecting and then by all means, congratulate away.

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Before You Go

6 Family Behaviors That Are Totally Dysfunctional
Dysfunction: Demanding or Dividing Time Disproportionately(01 of06)
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In an ideal world, you’d see your grandchildren every weekend (after all: you are the favorite!). Problem is, the other set of grandparents - also self-proclaimed favorites - feel the same way. “There starts the arguments of fairness in relationships,” says Martin Novell, Psychotherapist and Marriage & Family Therapist.Your Best ApproachOpen conversation with the other parties vying for visitation is key to reaching a compromise without forcing stress on your children. Communicate your priorities in time-sharing—such as preferring holiday time over more frequent visits—and listen to theirs. “That will alleviate a lot of guilt; that will stop a lot of fighting,” says Novell. Adds Jennifer Watanabe, a 16-year veteran parenting educator at Bellevue College, “I would encourage the parents to work with the grandparents on coming up with a year-long calendar.” (credit:Getty)
Dysfunction: Baiting for Reactions(02 of06)
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What is it with that family member who seems to be on a constant mission to get a rise out of you? Baiting, or deliberately soliciting an angry or emotional response, more often than not has very little to do with the topic at hand, and maybe even nothing to do with you. Instead, it is typically a reflection of internal negativity that the instigator has yet to process rationally, or an attempt to deflect attention from an issue they are not yet ready to deal with.Your Best ApproachWhen dealing with a family member in a baiting situation, your options are limited to fight or flight. Recognize that there is nothing to be gained from using logic in an irrationally provoked argument. Instead, retreat and save reasoning for later. “Emotions will run high,” says Watanabe. “If people can have calm interactions, they are more likely to say things that are less hurtful long-term.” Once the heated moment has cooled down, approach the antagonizer to defend yourself, and to find out what is actually on his or her mind. (credit:Getty)
Dysfunction: Fighting Dirty(03 of06)
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There are just some family members who always seem to be in the boxing ring! There is room for disagreements within families, but only if everyone learns to fight fairly. “Make your point and keep it simple,” says Novell. Becoming abusive, immature or obstinate during a disagreement eliminates the chances of the fight resulting in a productive outcome.Your Best ApproachKeep the focus on understanding the other person’s issues and perspective instead of on “winning” the battle. For fights you're not directly involved in, avoid donning the black and white-striped shirt to referee family members, and instead communicate how to fight fair from a place of experience. “Tell your children to give their partners a chance to express, and slow down, so it’s easier to repair a fight,” says Novell.Another tip: It's best to keep an argument between blood relatives, instead of involving in-laws in the communication, whenever possible. If you're upset that your daughter’s and her husband have arrived late to the past several family gatherings, bring it up with your daughter—even if you have a sneaking suspicion the root of the problem is your son-in-law. “Often times family will overlook if a blood relative has said something hurtful, but the reality is, with non-blood relatives, bad feelings are more likely to simmer.” (credit:Getty)
Dysfunction: Dependency-Driven Resentment(04 of06)
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Having cared for your children when they were young, you may hold the expectation that they, too, will care for you when you need it. Be wary of relying on your children to take you in, however, without fully hashing out details and any lingering issues or arguments between all parties involved. Even disagreements from the past you believe have blown over may come to the forefront with the topic of co-habitation—along with resentment and other emotions you may not even be aware of. “[Grandparents] may be taken by surprise at how their children feel toward them,” says Novell.Your Best ApproachEarly communication about long-term care is key, but even more so is long-term financial planning. “It’s important in terms of grandparent survival and grandparent well-being that they always remain somewhat financially independent of their children,” says Novell. In doing so, “they don’t have to be subservient to their children if that bitterness surprises them.” (credit:Getty)
Dysfunction: Relative Strangers(05 of06)
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Distance, limited time, family conflict, and any number of other factors have been obstacles in developing a strong relationship with your grandchild. Despite an increased effort to bond, your grandchild is treating you as a bit of an outsider. “It’s not rejection, but it’s a different developmental aspect of the child getting to know that grandparent,” says Novell.Your Best ApproachFocus on listening and getting to know the child, instead of talking about yourself and your beliefs. “If you start with your own story, you’re giving values that the grandchild hasn’t even heard about, much less understands,” says Novell. After taking the time to listen, approach this new relationship not from a position of authority, but instead as a two-way conversation. Small tokens of affection, such as candy or a small toy, can be helpful too, says Watanabe. “It’s something to share together, and it’s just a fun association.” (credit:Getty)
Dysfunction: Overstepping Boundaries(06 of06)
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Your children turned out just fine, yet their approach to parenting could not be more different from yours. Despite your best intentions, instilling ideas, values, and rules (or lack thereof) on your grandchildren, that contradict what they learn at home, compromises their parents’ authority.Your Best ApproachRemember: the child’s parents decide the rules and regulations of the home, including how their child will be raised. Talk to both parents as a unit about your concerns or ideas, but yield to their final decisions. “If you disagree, that’s fine, but [grandparents] are not supposed to voice that disagreement in front of the children, or act in such a way,” says Novell. (credit:Getty)

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