Before You Medicate A Child And Before You Don't - A Few Thoughts

I'm worried now after reading Arianna's blog. I'm worried that parents who tortured themselves over whether to let their child take medication are going to feel, well, like shit!

Yes, it's quite possible, highly plausible, that too many children are being medicated. But how does a parent know if his or her child is one of the ones who shouldn't be, who is naturally lively like my daughter, who hasn't taken medications, or like one of my sons who couldn't read until he did?

This is a very tough area. When one of our children had potentially disfiguring acne, we were faced again with a decision. For years he suffered socially. We tried various remedies and worried that he'd slip into a deep depression despite our efforts to love him to pieces. It was a long haul staying away from medications. And I'm not sure he came out stronger and better able to deal with life for us having waited. Did he endure too much belittling? I wonder. Eventually we allowed him to have the only medication that worked and he benefited.

As a professor of preventive medicine for many years while also a professor of business, I'm familiar with the medical and business sides of this issue. No one should feel pressured by the newest fad or pharmaceutical advertising. And I know that's what Arianna was saying. Often there are other options. Yet, it's terribly wrenching for parents to decide what's right. Especially challenging is deciding to finally give your child a medication like Ritalin only to have him years later learn from research articles that your choice may have caused him to lose sleep, not grow as tall and that you may have messed up his life.

The truth is that every child is different. Parents shouldn't rush into giving their children medication. Sometimes a change of school is the answer. Sometimes home school works. New friends are an option. More aware teachers are a plus. And try not to have friends with only perfect, quiet children who color and never bother anyone. Second medical opinions, third even, are imperative too. And we should research all sides of an issue no matter how highly recommended the doctor.

Keeping children in sports or whatever they enjoy and helping them, in whatever way you can, to feel loved and appreciated is what parents can do whether they ultimately go the route of medication or not. Also, we need to learn to appreciate liveliness. It sure beats moping about - though there are normal periods of that too. And there's an awful lot to be said for keeping open lines of communication, taking special time with each child, and knowing what's on their minds. Frankly, it's often the quietest ones who never get that benefit. So take the quiet child out for a special day now and then too. We have a quiet child and he only really takes off talking when his livelier brother and sister aren't around. I like when he stays at the dinner table longer than they do so we can talk. He has a marvelous sense of humor behind that quiet exterior.

Someday they're going to find out that the treatment I had for breast cancer, experimental radical radiation, was barbaric. At the time, though, it seemed the best choice among unattractive ones. We need to keep this in mind about children too. We make our choices at the time. Most parents do their best and still end up feeling responsible for anything that goes wrong. The main thing is to recognize that medicine is a practice, not an exact science. Leave no rock unturned, no question unanswered, and always be ready to tell the doctor, "This isn't working." If he or she doesn't listen, get another doctor.

It's tough being a parent. My heart goes out.