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Kim Gordon, Thurston Moore Divorce: Is It Ever Okay To Shame The 'Other Woman'?

On Shaming The 'Other Woman' In Sonic Youth Split
By 

Christina Huffington

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NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 14: Sonic Youth members Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore attend the Rodarte Spring 2011 fashion show during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week at Dia:Chelsea on September 14, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Will Ragozzino/Getty Images)

We all know that having an affair with a married man is an awful (really, really awful) thing to do. But does that make it okay for the media to publicly shame the "other woman"?

On Tuesday, Jezebel published a piece stating that they had "confirmed" the identity of the other woman musician Kim Gordon alluded to in an ELLE interview on her split from husband of 27 years (and Sonic Youth bandmate) Thurston Moore.

Under the headline, "Is This the Woman Who Broke Up Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore?" and a blown-up close up of book publisher Eva Prinz, Tracie Egan Morrisey gives a quick rundown of the public's attempt to discover the identity of the "other woman" Gordon mentioned -- including several names bandied about on message boards -- and then digs into Prinz's personal history, including her two marriages (the current one is supposedly "open"), the fact that her child was conceived out of wedlock and her alleged affair with a different Sonic Youth band member.

The piece didn't emphasize that it takes two people to have an affair; that if Prinz is in an open marriage, she didn't necessarily cheat; that she has an actual career and is not just a band-aid; or that it's impossible to ever know what went on in someone else's relationship.

Many Jezebel commenters expressed distaste for the piece and for the fact that it was published on a feminist site that is usually vehemently opposed to slut-shaming:

"I'm really disappointed that Jezebel would slut shame this woman, who now lives in internet infamy as a home wrecker. ugh ugh ugh."

"A huge picture of her with an article about her breaking up a marriage is hardly appropriate for a feminist website."

"I was just scrolling down to rant about this - the 'other woman' trope is just bloody tired."

"THIS!! I'm pretty dissapointed too. it seems that Kim Gordon is handling this pretty gracefully so why do WE feel the need to research this woman and slut-shame her on the internets?!?!"

"I saw this headline link at another blog and was all, "oh no they didn't!" but then nearly had a heart attack when I saw where the link lead to."

"I wasn't okay with the title, clicked on it anyway to see if it was some sort of joke. Nope. Didn't read the whole thing because it kinda grossed me out."

"I was really surprised to see Jezebel, of all websites, to out her and play into the fallacy of her being a 'home wrecker'. Is there anyone living in the 21st century who still thinks some woman can "steal" someone's husband? Shame on you Jezebel for the slut shaming. Please tell me that is not a picture of this poor woman plastered on your website."

"Seriously, Tracie? You're blaming the other woman? She's not the one who made the vows with Gordon. This woman isn't the most awesome of people, but she's not the one who was unfaithful in the marriage. How about holding the man who did the cheating accountable? This article is so disappointing on a number of levels."

"I can't quite articulate why, but I don't like this post. It seems like such mean-spirited petty gossip, and I don't like the whole 'she broke up their marriage' thing. Thurston Moore was married, he had a prolonged affair with her, and then left his wife. If anyone broke up Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore, it looks to me like that person as Thurston Moore."

Amelia McDonnell-Parry, editor of The Frisky, echoed the Jezebel commenters' concerns in a post of her own. "Let’s leave blaming the other woman out of it," she wrote.

What do you think? Is it okay to call out the "other women" in a celebrity (or any) breakup? If Gordon had cheated, would the "other man" get the same treatment? Let us know in the comments.

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Before You Go

Cheating Survey Trivia
QUESTION: According to an online study, women with what color hair are more likely to cheat? (01 of14)
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a) Black b) Blonde c) Redd) Brown (credit:Alamy, Shutterstock)
ANSWER: Blondes (02 of14)
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Apparently, blondes really do have more fun. According to a recent online survey conducted by Cheaterville.com, a support website for those who've been cheated on, a whopping 42 percent of users said female cheaters had blonde hair, while 23 percent cited red hair, 20 percent cited brown and 11 percent cited black.For men, it's brunette spouses you have to worry about. According to the site, 40 percent of male cheaters had brown hair. (credit:Alamy )
QUESTION: According to a 2011 study, men are more likely to interrogate their partners about the sexual nature of an affair, while women question this:(03 of14)
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a) How long the affair lasted b) If the other man or woman was someone they knew c) If the cheater was in love with the other man or womand) If the cheater initiated the affair (credit:Alamy, Shutterstock )
ANSWER: If the cheater was in love with the other man or woman(04 of14)
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According to evolutionary psychologist Barry Kuhle's 2011 study, men who've been cheated on are more likely to grill their partners about the sex itself, while women were more likely to ask whether their partner was in love with his mistress. So how did Kuhle and his team go about collecting the observational data for the study? They watched the television show "Cheaters" to observe how partners in 75 different affair confrontations reacted. (credit:Alamy )
QUESTION: Men who hold this occupation are most likely to cheat, according to a 2012 online survey.(05 of14)
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a) Lawyers b) Teachers c) IT engineersd) Doctors (credit:Alamy, Shutterstock )
ANSWER: IT/Engineer(06 of14)
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What's the typical profile of a cheating husband? In 2012, AshleyMadison.com -- a dating site for married people looking to have affairs -- surveyed 11,453 fathers with accounts on the site and found that the largest percentage of would-be cheaters work in the IT/Engineering field. Those in the financial industry (8.2 percent) and education (6.5 percent) came in second and third, respectively. (credit:Alamy )
According to recent studies, what percentage of women have had affairs?(07 of14)
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a) 30-35 percent b) 15-20 percentc) 5-10 percentd) 2-5 percent (credit:Alamy, Shutterstock )
ANSWER: 15-20 percent (08 of14)
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Fifteen to 20 percent of women have had affairs, according to studies from Indiana University and Manchester Metropolitan University, while a comparative 20-25 percent of men have cheated on their partners. (credit:Pinwords)
According to an online survey, mothers who cheat had been married for an average of this many years: (09 of14)
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a) One yearb) Five years or lessc) 16 years or mored) 25 years or more (credit:Alamy, Shutterstock )
ANSWER: Five years or less(10 of14)
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In May 2012, infidelity-based matchmaking site Ashleymadison.com polled 2,865 of their married female members and found that the typical cheating married woman was married for five years or less, in her 30s, and had a daughter under three years old. (credit:Alamy )
A recent online survey showed that 66 percent of Americans believe that people cheat on their spouses while...(11 of14)
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a) At the officeb) In Las Vegasc) At work conferences and trade shows c) At bachelor and bachelorette parties (credit:Alamy, Shutterstock )
ANSWER: Work Conferences And Trade Shows(12 of14)
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Yep, a surprising 66 percent of Americans believe that people cheat on their spouses at work conferences and trade shows, according to an August 2012 online survey conducted on behalf of ON24, a webcasting and virtual events company. (credit:Alamy )
QUESTION: Infidelity-based matchmaking site AshleyMadison.com has recently seen an influx of married women signing up for its services on the day after this holiday.(13 of14)
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a) Valentine's Dayb) New Year's c) Mother's Day d) Christmas (credit:Alamy, Shutterstock )
Answer: Mother's Day (14 of14)
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For the past four years, AshleyMadison.com claims to have seen a rush of married women signing up for its services the day after Mother's Day.In fact, according to the site's founder, Noel Biderman, more married women sign up for the site on that day than on any other day of the year. Why? Biderman said he thinks the women feel especially under-appreciated on Mother's Day. "If that day comes to pass, and once again what [women] experience is a lack of appreciation, affection and respect, that is when the idea of taking on a potential lover takes full form," he said. (credit:Alamy)
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