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'Heads You Lose': 10 Things Not To Do When Writing A Novel With Your Ex (PHOTOS)

We agreed to write alternating chapters and to include our notes to each other at the end of each one. In case that sounds too straightforward, he's also my ex-boyfriend.
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After writing four Spellman Files novels, I wanted to try something new and challenging for my next book. I might have overshot the mark. I had the perverse idea of collaborating on a murder mystery with David Hayward, an obscure former poet whose creative sensibilities are vastly different from my own. We agreed to write alternating chapters and to include our notes to each other at the end of each one. In case that sounds too straightforward, he's also my ex-boyfriend.

The result is Heads You Lose, published April 5 by G.P. Putnam's Sons. While we're pleased with how it turned out, finishing it just about killed us. So we thought we'd share some tips for anyone who might be considering a similar leap. If we'd known this stuff going in ... well, if we'd considered any of it, we never would have gotten started.

In keeping with the format of our novel, David and I will provide alternating tips followed by the other author's commentary.

Lisa: DO NOT expect the project to heal old wounds(01 of10)
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Lisa: Whatever went wrong before will go wrong again. David: Agreed. Think of your collaboration as a loveless marriage that exists solely for the benefit of your child--that is, the book. The goal is to get through it and keep the kid off meth. (credit:Flickr/Ed Yourdon)
Lisa: DO NOT compare your book to a child you're parenting together. (02 of10)
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Lisa: There's a reason you (hopefully) didn't have kids together. A creative collaboration can become a nasty place. Child Protective Services would be at your door in a week. David: I think a child is an okay metaphor as long as you both have clearly defined visitation rights and a fundamental respect for the other parent. On second thought, "hostage" may be more apt. (credit:Flickr/_Nezemnaya_)
David: DO NOT go on a writing retreat together. (03 of10)
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David: Take a moment to remember your last vacation as a couple. Now remove any enjoyable parts, such as sex, adventure, or civility.Lisa: I don't remember the civility part. But I wholly agree that writing retreats for two are a bad idea. (credit:Flickr/nannetteturner)
Lisa: DO NOT create a character who is a thinly veiled version of your coauthor. (04 of10)
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Lisa: For instance, if your ex loves bowling, creating a bitter, emotionally stunted lawn bowler will only inspire retaliation.David: If you do accidentally create such a character, save that material for your next solo project. (Watch for my forthcoming e-book Hack Job: The Last Days of Lucy Litz.) (credit:Flickr/jon_a_ross)
David: DO NOT respond immediately to the other author's work. (05 of10)
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David: Give yourself some time to absorb the new material, consider the person's intentions, and frame a thoughtful response.Lisa: I disagree. Some people are able to quickly assimilate information and respond intuitively; others suck the joy out of everything by analyzing it to death. (credit:Flickr/TheCreativePenn)
Lisa: DO NOT speak more often than necessary.(06 of10)
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Lisa: Remember that communication is not your friend. If it didn't work in your relationship, why would it work in an ego-charged creative endeavor?David: Agreed. Silence and geographical distance are essential tools. Bonus tip: Keep your cell phone battery barely charged. (credit:Flickr/Bright Meadow)
Lisa: DO NOT split the money 50/50 unless your partner is as well known as you are. (07 of10)
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Lisa: Aim for 80/20 or so. Better yet, propose a reasonable hourly wage. David: I can't disagree with this one. If you're the less established partner, ask yourself how much irritation the extra money is worth. You're going to be hearing about your coauthor's generosity for the rest of your life. (credit:Flickr/The.Comedian)
David: DO NOT rely on a "safe word" to end intense arguments. (08 of10)
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David: It'll be worn out by the second chapter. Just accept that you're both in for a lot of abuse. I recommend The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chödrön.Lisa: Haven't read it. Apparently it's about cultivating sanity and saying "yes" to life. Whatever. (credit:Flickr/ben pollard)
Lisa: DO NOT belittle your coauthor's favorite characters. (09 of10)
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Lisa: Remember, they're your characters too.David: I disagree. Some good-natured ribbing keeps things lively. Real problems arise only when one collaborator loses her mind and starts serially murdering the other's characters. (credit:Flickr/Erik Charlton)
David: DO NOT leave the matter of who writes the book's last chapter to a coin toss.(10 of10)
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Lisa: Or if you do, make sure it's your coin. (credit:Flickr/ICMA Photos)

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