The BlogTed Cruzeconomic policyslidepollajax

GOP Logic: These 9 New Laws of Reality Explain Everything

Wake up, Aristotle, logic is over! Now we have GOP Logic, and it explains everything. Just learn these nine new laws, and all will become clear.
Open Image Modal
By 

Managing Partner of Boots Road Group, a marketing firm for people making the world a better place

Managing Partner of Boots Road Group, a marketing firm for people making the world a better place
|
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

I'm so tired of liberals complaining that conservative policies are illogical.

Of course they're illogical.

Wake up, Aristotle, logic is over! Now we have GOP Logic, and it explains everything. Just learn these nine new laws, and all will become clear.

GOP Logic: The 9 New Laws that Explain Everything
1. If a Republican uses government to push people around, he's a 'masculine guy's guy...'(01 of18)
Open Image Modal
According to Fox News' Brit Hume. (credit:AP)
...But if a Democrat uses government to protect people, it's "slavery."(02 of18)
Open Image Modal
And Nazism and death, too. (credit:AP)
2. Freakishly COLD weather proves global warming is a hoax...(03 of18)
Open Image Modal
Despite climate science predicting extremes of cold as well as heat. (credit:AP)
...But freakishly HOT weather is just weather - we shouldn't read anything into it.(04 of18)
Open Image Modal
And 97% of climate scientists are wrong.
3. If gas prices go UP, the president did it*...(05 of18)
Open Image Modal
*Somehow. And only if he's a Democrat. (credit:AP)
...But if gas prices FALL, that's the free market at work.(06 of18)
Open Image Modal
(credit:AP)
4. A rumor you were born in Africa means you can't be president...(07 of18)
Open Image Modal
And a birth certificate, in your case, proves nothing. (credit:AP)
But interestingly, being born in Canada is not a problem.(08 of18)
Open Image Modal
Because the Constitution says so. (credit:Flickr:jbouie)
5. The deficit soars under Bush, and plummets under Obama...(09 of18)
Open Image Modal
Top sources of deficits: Bush tax cuts, wars and economic collapse. Now falling at the fastest rate since World War II.
Therefore the debt is Obama's fault.(10 of18)
Open Image Modal
(credit:AP)
6. Taxes are historically low, and stocks are at record highs...(11 of18)
Open Image Modal
Federal taxes have seldom been lower, and on Wall Street it's been one peak after another. (credit:AP)
Obviously, we're being taken over by Communists.(12 of18)
Open Image Modal
(credit:Flickr:Fibonacci Blue)
7. If the banks blow up the economy and people need help just to survive...(13 of18)
Open Image Modal
(credit:AP)
We must save the makers from the takers.(14 of18)
Open Image Modal
Oh, the humanity.
8. The government is completely incompetent...(15 of18)
Open Image Modal
(credit:Flickr:HarshLight)
...Except when it's masterfully concealing the evidence of endless dark conspiracies!(16 of18)
Open Image Modal
The less evidence there is, the more that proves it.
(17 of18)
Open Image Modal
9. Down is up, and up is down.(18 of18)
Open Image Modal
That's the simple explanation for this chart.

Our 2024 Coverage Needs You

As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.

Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.

to keep our news free for all.

Support HuffPost
Suggest a correction
|
Submit a tip