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The Straight Dope

I don't know what "completely Heterosexual" means but maybe we can look to the folks who make Snickers ads for some guidance on that.
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If you need anymore proof that meth can totally destroy your brain, look no further than Teddy Rumpskin Haggart.

Apparently it allows you to believe you can go from 3 years of paying a gay prostitute for er, um whatever it is gay prostitutes do, to believing that after 3 weeks of evangelical counseling, you can become "completely heterosexual."

Well, if by completely you mean except for that 3 years of forking out cash for gay sex then I guess Ted is "completely heterosexual."

I don't know what "completely Heterosexual" means but maybe we can look to the folks who make Snickers ads for some guidance on that.

But in all this "completely" talk, I didn't hear any mention about meth.

Maybe that's because Haggart admitted to buying meth, but didn't use it.

Kinda like if you buy a blow-up doll but didn't use it...

But for the sake of argument, let's say he did buy the meth and didn't use it.

Maybe he just likes the look and the lifestyle of a meth addict, but isn't attracted to meth, which would technically make him completely "Methro" Sexual.

As history has proven time and time again, anyone who declares themselves "completely" anything, quickly proves they are completely full of it.

So Ted my dear, your claim of being "Completely Heterosexual", is far from a fait accompli-tly

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