O'Reilly Puzzle Price Slashed...and Other Signs of the Apocalypse

We're pretty sure that America's time as top dog is coming to an end.

Personally, we can't complain too much. This year we had two more books published. Joe bummed around Europe for a month. Tom lived vicariously through the antics of Kevin Nealon's Councilman Doug on Showtime's Weeds. All in all, we've led comfortable lives.

Still, we see signs of a dark future looming.

The Canadian dollar is currently worth more than the American dollar. (Now we know how Blair felt on The Facts of Life when her retarded cousin Geri's stand-up comedy career took off.)

And the crunch is being felt by middle America. The housing market is still crumbling. Retailers are doing anything they can to spur sales. Even Bill O'Reilly has had to slash prices at his online store. The Bill O'Reilly 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, once the glittering jewel of the Factor Gear crown, has seen its value plunge from $14.95 to $3.95. Is there any better evidence that the current economic woes have now hit "the folks"?

We have seen the signs. Tom has been buying up commodities ever since he read James Howard Kunstler's The Long Emergency, and now he lives in constant fear of peak oil. If it all goes to hell, he'll be stocked up on bullion (both gold and veggie chicken) and Bolivian tin just as the U.S. dollar dips below the value of an old AOL CD.

Joe has not been as pragmatic and spent much of the year acquiring antique paintings: two from the estate of the American consul to Spain and a third by British artist Walter Duncan, dated 1904. Those should come in handy when he's fending off "feeders."

And now we are starting to see the first signs of rioting. A former summer home of poet Robert Frost was vandalized this week "with intruders destroying dozens of items and setting fire to furniture..." And so it begins.

Now we could sit back and patiently watch at is all unravels before us. Or we can say "screw it" and fly to Amherst, Mass., and take out Emily Dickinson's homestead before we torch e.e. cummings' old boat.

Anarchy!