The Tiny House Dream Is Actually A Nightmare

Tiny homes seem like utopian living spaces -- where twee hipsters can lounge on handmade foldaway futons draped in quilts from Etsy, surrounded by four tiny walls of reclaimed wood.
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Credit: iStock/TobiasJo (Edited) / Jennifer Bui/Thrillist

Tiny homes seem like utopian living spaces -- where twee hipsters can lounge on handmade foldaway futons draped in quilts from Etsy, surrounded by four tiny walls of reclaimed wood.

Look on Instagram. Watch Tiny House Nation. Check out Pinterest. Stream a movie on Netflix. Hell, visit Thrillist. But after speaking to people who have spent time in tiny spaces -- everything from tiny homes, to RVs, to converted buses, to shipping containers -- the truth comes out. Sadly, these aren't the utopian living spaces that are going to save you from paying exorbitant rents or 30-year mortgages. There are plenty of unique problems that come with every kind of pint-sized living space, turning them from cute little dream homes into compact nightmares.

What tiny houses get right
There are plenty of great reasons to buy a tiny house, RV, or a shipping container that can be turned into a home. I toured the one in the photo, and it seems fantastic. You'll get rid of all the crap you don't need (frankly, there's no room for it where you live, regardless). There's a smaller environmental footprint. You'll spend less money on rent or a mortgage. You can theoretically drop the home wherever and live anywhere you choose.

As Jordan, a guy who lives in California in a converted bus, told me, you learn "deliberateness." That's a fine bastardization of a famous Thoreau quote, "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." Jordan says he and his wife cut out vegging. He sold all his video game consoles, bravely discovering whether life without Assassin's Creed Syndicate is even a life worth living. They're living a decidedly simpler life, but they're still part of the modern, not-tiny world.

Living in a tiny space sounds like a one-way ticket to Walden Pond. But there's plenty to consider about living tiny that the promise of a deliberate lifestyle and a beautiful Instagram photo cannot convey. Mainly, that living in cramped quarters and composting your poop can suck.

You don't just plop the darn thing down
The obvious thing to do would be to find a place to build your tiny home, and then build it. Easy! But zoning laws often make that difficult, depending on where you live. Many of the same laws made to combat people living in their cars essentially outlaw tiny living. Personally, I think the car could be the next frontier of tiny living -- imagine how superior people would feel when telling those tiny house losers that they live in the backseat of a Prius. "Sure, 10sqft is all I need for me, my dog, my wife, my three kids, and our parakeet," they'd say, ignoring the fact that they're basically bragging about being homeless.

Also, even if you buy land, it may still be illegal to put a structure like a tiny home on it. And that's land you actually own!

If you're in an RV -- a tiny house on wheels, essentially -- things don't get any easier. Lauren from Colorado moved into an RV with her boyfriend at the time because she wanted "a new back yard everyday." She has the ability to work remotely, and instead of finding a new place to rent in every city she went to, she just thought they'd pull up the RV and be set. The reality was much different.

"You'd always have to find hookups and spots to park," she says. "All of the RV parks are taken by people actually living in trailers. You're only allowed to stay in state and national parks for two weeks, and then you can't come back for another 21 days."

Why didn't they use the Walmart parking lot as their backyard every day? You really have to be causing trouble to get kicked out of one of those. But I guess being in nature is more alluring than being feet away from the Everyday Low Prices of Kevin James' latest DVD release.

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7 Steps To A More Polished-Looking Home
Have A Lightbulb Moment (Or Several)(01 of07)
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Pendant lights are like statement jewelry for the home; they're meant to be stunning, yet with standard bulbs, they can be blinding at certain angles. Chrome-dipped bulbs reflect light back into the fixture, creating a softer glow, Cupcakes and Cashmere at Home author Emily Schuman told us via email. They tend to be about 40 watts, so you may want to add a floor lamp near reading areas. (credit:KatarzynaBialasiewicz/iStock/Thinkstock)
Line It Up(02 of07)
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Bright trim makes a room seem crisper, cleaner and more "finished," but too much contrast between the trim and wall color can make the space seem smaller than it is. Schuman recommends choosing a trim paint that's 25 percent lighter than the walls, creating a pulled-together look that doesn't sacrifice your sense of spaciousness. (She also relies on an art gallery trick for keeping the trim bright: A little Fantastik on a paper towel makes it easy to erase scuffmarks.)


Photo: Reprinted with permission fromCupcakes & Cashmere at Homeby Emily Schuman, ABRAMS, Spring 2015
Get Your Greens In(03 of07)
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Interior designers have long argued that a room is never complete without a plant, but what do you do if you just don't have the floor (or counter space) for it? Try a pair of hanging planters, suggests Schuman, who prefers succulents, which don't need to be watered as often as other varieties.


Photo: Reprinted with permission fromCupcakes & Cashmere at Homeby Emily Schuman, ABRAMS, Spring 2015
Add This to Your Ready-for-Bed Routine(04 of07)
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Fluffy white bath towels are an easy way to give even the tiniest bathroom a spa-like vibe -- but only if they're not mascara-smudged and foundation-smeared. That's why Schuman keeps a black washcloth with her beauty products. You could store it on a hook in the undersink cabinet, so it's out of sight but always within arm's reach.


Photo: Reprinted with permission fromCupcakes & Cashmere at Homeby Emily Schuman, ABRAMS, Spring 2015
Use This Simple Formula for a Great First Impression(05 of07)
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When it comes to decorating your entryway, less is more, Schuman writes. All you really need is a place to hang your keys, like a hook or small tray; a light so you never feel like you're entering a cave; a mirror to reflect that light; and a chair so you have a place to sit as you take your shoes on and off. If you want to include a console table, stick to one that's 12 inches wide. It's large enough for your key tray, yet not so wide that you're edging around it to get through the door.

The one thing to avoid? A bowl for emptying your pockets -- it will soon overflow with crumpled receipts and other odds and ends, and nobody wants to be welcomed home with a pile of clutter.


Photo: Reprinted with permission fromCupcakes & Cashmere at Homeby Emily Schuman, ABRAMS, Spring 2015
Trade in Your Old Whiteboard...(06 of07)
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...For a sheet of Plexiglass and wet-erase markers. That way you won't have to deal with dry-erase marker dust coating everything, Schuman writes in her book, and it looks less Office Space-y than the cubicle staple. (Schuman bought hers through Decently Exposed.) (credit:<a href="http://www.decentlyexposedshop.com.au/product-category/wall-scrawl/" target="_blank">Wall Scrawl</a>)
Style Your Coffee Table Without
Overcrowding It
(07 of07)
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No matter your tastes, there are a few essentials that always look good on a coffee table tray: a stack of three books -- or two stacks of two, arranged side by side -- a small vase of flowers, candles, a box of matches and an interesting trinket (Schuman's is a small elephant statue a friend gave her after visiting India).

Emily Schuman is the author ofCupcakes & Cashmere at Home(ABRAMS), out this May.


Photo: Reprinted with permission fromCupcakes & Cashmere at Homeby Emily Schuman, ABRAMS, Spring 2015

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