I have two breasts. Several years ago, I dressed them in lace and gave them a little peek of the sky above a plunging neckline. They were useful breasts. Several years ago, doors were opened for me, chairs were pulled backwards and attention secured.
I have two breasts. Today, I dress them in cotton and ensure that there are no wires to block my precious ducts. They are useful breasts. Today, milk is made and my daughter is nourished, comforted and soothed.
You see, my breasts have changed over time and with motherhood. They have undergone a major transformation -- from shallow and lofty tools, to wholesome and grounded givers of life, of soul, of peace. Yes, I mean "grounded" in the literal sense as well as the poetic sense... am I concerned? No. Am I proud? Yes.
So you will understand my confusion, my disbelief and sadness, when I hear a self-confessed proud breastfeeding mother advise another to be "discreet" while feeding her child.
Discreet: careful to avoid embarrassment; unobtrusive.
It is strange, because nobody ever asked or expected me to be discreet with my breasts before I became a mother. Nobody seemed concerned with a flash of cleavage, or the amount of flesh exposed at the beach in a skimpy bikini. It is strange, because nobody seems concerned with the lingerie billboard catapulting a 10-foot-tall bosom into the subconscious of every passer-by, and nor should they. So why, exactly, must a mother's breast be delivered to her child discreetly whilst breastfeeding? What is so embarrassing about seeing a child enjoying a drink of milk? What is so obtrusive, exactly, about the breast?
The "rules" for breastfeeding are very specific, as are the expectations. It seems that the tolerated level of "exposure" must not exceed a small amount of upper breast. The lower and side regions are strictly reserved for milk-free boobs, whilst the nipple and areola are reserved for top shelves and late-night television. The nipple, by these rules, is the untouchable, unspeakable, unmistakably censored feature of the breast, which leaves us with a bit of a problem when it comes to feeding our babies.
I suppose, then, it is understandable that Mr. Average, who doesn't have children of his own and who has been indoctrinated by every societal pressure and media outlet possible, thinks of breasts as being nothing more than shallow and lofty. It isn't acceptable, but it is understandable. Yet for a breastfeeding mother to believe this same nonsense -- for a woman sitting nursing her own baby, using her own breasts, to actually spread this dangerous word, "discreet" -- my heart really does break.
Let me remind you... Discreet: careful to avoid embarrassment; unobtrusive.
I ask again: What is so obtrusive, exactly, about the breast? Apparently, not a whole lot, as milk-free breasts are not expected to face away from a busy setting; they are thrust up and out for the world to admire. Indeed, babies fed solely via a bottle are not expected to eat in public restrooms; their bottles are not wrapped in cloth, whilst little mouths suckle beneath covers. So it seems, in simplistic terms, that the perceived "problem" lies in the pairing of the two entities, each fully acceptable when apart: milk and breasts. When we put the two together, as nature designed and intended, a storm brews.
I like this idea of a milk storm... I think it is important. You see, storms are powerful; they are headstrong and progressive. They summon strength from thin air... much like the "magic" of breastfeeding. Who would have guessed that our bodies, tired after childbirth, could produce this perfectly-tailored, antibody-rich, liquid gold? This powerful tool that we possess, to actually produce and deliver milk to our children, is utterly mesmerizing.
And yet it seems that unless we deliver our nipple to our baby's mouth with the stealth of a secret agent, we are condemned by this strange world in which we live. It seems that for all those in the world who actually support breastfeeding, a proportion still see it as something over which to exercise caution -- to be "discreet."
I am sad for the mother who feels the pressure to hide her breasts whilst feeding her child, for fear of embarrassment. Believe me when I say that I too once felt that pressure. But I am more saddened still for the mother who buys into this pressure, for the mother who genuinely believes that breastfeeding is embarrassing. If only she could see what I see now.
Because like a storm, breastfeeding is a strange combination of magic and normalcy. It is something to marvel at and respect, not hide away. If only this milk storm of ours could spread empowerment to mothers everywhere... if only it could blow away the cobwebs and breastfeeding myths and shower us with support and guidance. Because I have two breasts. Two magical, completely normal, indiscreet breasts.
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This post originally appeared on Mama Bean Parenting.
11 Breastfeeding Tips From Experts
Get To Class(01 of11)
Open Image ModalDr. Ann Borders, an OB-GYN who works with NorthShore University HealthSystem, recommends that her patients and their partners go to a breastfeeding class before Baby is born. In class, they don't just focus on why breastfeeding matters, but what you can actually expect in those daunting first few days. And Borders doesn't just recommend this for newbie families, but also moms who may have tried breastfeeding before and found it difficult."You're not going to know everything from taking the class, but it gives you a groundwork that you can build on at the hospital once you have the nurses helping you," Borders said.Most OB-GYNs will be able to give you a referral to a breastfeeding class nearby, but if for some reason yours doesn't have any suggestions, a quick online search should bring up options in your area. (credit:Gettystock)
Don't Leave Until You Get Help(02 of11)
Open Image ModalWhen you're in the hospital or birthing center, or while you've still got your midwife with you after a home birth, make sure you speak up and ask for help getting started."Every health care person should know the basic mechanics of breastfeeding," said Mary Ryngaert, a board certified lactation consultant with the University of Florida's Center for Breastfeeding and Newborns. "I joke that the person who empties the trash [in labor and delivery] should be able to help someone latch on."Even Borders, whose professional life and research centers around breastfeeding, said that when her first baby was born, she had to ask for guidance. Women should feel 100 percent empowered to ask their care provider to help them start breastfeeding within the first hour after a vaginal birth or two hours after a C-section if the circumstances allow for it, she said. Don't leave the hospital until you've gotten the help you need. (credit:Getty)
When In Doubt, Think Skin-To-Skin(03 of11)
Open Image ModalBe Prepared For Engorgement(04 of11)
Open Image ModalEngorgement, or a feeling of heavy fullness in the breasts that can be very painful, is common several days after delivery, but Borders said a lot of women don't know to expect it because no one talks to them about it. Having a game plan in place can help curb the pain and keep women from throwing in the towel when they're sore and freaked out.She suggests an over-the-counter pain medication, like Motrin, and ice. Two bags of frozen peas can also work, Borders said, and -- bonus! -- they tend to fit nicely into nursing bras. Some women may also want to take a hot shower to express some of their milk. (credit:Getty)
Lean Back And Put Your Feet Up!(05 of11)
Open Image ModalSusan Burger, president of the New York Lactation Consultant Association, finds few things as irksome as telling women that they need to try specific holds. Moms hear those tips and get "all twisted up with finding the perfect position," she said.What matters most in her book is that breastfeeding mothers get comfortable, which often means leaning back a bit and putting their feet up. "If she's comfortable, it's so much easier to get the baby into a comfortable position," Burger explained. This is one area where partners can really step in, looking at moms to spot any ways in which they might be uncomfortable, then helping by giving them a pillow, a shoulder rub ... whatever. (credit:Getty)
Ask Your Partner To Sit With You(06 of11)
Open Image ModalYour partner, or your mom or friend can also help by agreeing to sit with you while you breastfeed. Why? Since moms are often extremely relaxed and drowsy while they're breast-feeding, your partner can agree to be on "alert" -- maybe quietly reading a book or checking e-mails -- while you get some sleep. "Invite her to take a cat nap while breast-feeding," Ryngaert said. It may sound like a simple trick, but Ryngaert said it's such an easy, often-overlooked way for women to fully relax while breast-feeding, which only increases bonding and enjoyment, and also, possibly, catch up on some much-needed sleep. (credit:Getty)
Tilt Back, Open Wide(07 of11)
Open Image ModalDrop your mouth down to your chest, then open your mouth. A bit tricky, no? Now tilt your head back slightly and open it again. See how much easier that is? Burger said that one of the biggest ways to help babies drink is to make sure their heads are tilted back a bit. You can help support them in that position by putting a forearm under the baby's neck, or even a rolled-up receiving blanket."There are a lot of different ways to achieve it," she said. (credit:Getty)
Think Close, Close, Close(08 of11)
Open Image ModalPump In Short, Frequent Bursts(09 of11)
Open Image ModalBurger said that one of the mistakes women can make is to focus too much on duration and not enough on the frequency of pumping. Often they're too hard on themselves, sitting there for long stretches and pumping away in an attempt to produce more milk, when really, they'd be better served by just a few minutes here and there throughout the day.Burger likened it to training for a marathon: "You wouldn't just go out and run 13 miles," she said. "If you're just starting out, you'd try a mile or two and do that three or four times a week. That's a much better approach." In the same vein, if you can work it into your schedule, frequent, brief bouts of pumping help build milk supply better than sitting there, rather helplessly, and pumping for one long stretch. (credit:Getty)
Don't Just Deal With Sore Nipples(10 of11)
Open Image ModalKnow When To Call(11 of11)
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