It's never just about the dirty dishes in the sink or forgetting to drop the kids off at soccer. When you're married, the arguments you get into have history: You're peeved that he left the dishes in the sink because he knows it bothers you and yet, he did it again. Each fight becomes the latest salvo in a broader war.
HuffPost Divorce bloggers are all too familiar with how damaging these recurring arguments can be (or, in some cases, the damage from leaving problems unaddressed and not arguing at all). Below, they share the fights they regret having the most while married.
1. We shouldn't have argued about money.
"I regret our fights about finances. After divorce, I realized fighting about money doesn't make you richer, it just takes away from the richness of your marriage. Money matters. It does. Everything costs money and you should be frugal in your spending and make good financial decisions. Unfortunately, sometimes things don't play out the way you want them to." -- Chelsie Dort
2. We shouldn't have fought about whose family to choose as godparents for our child.
"Many years ago when my son Jackson was getting baptized, I thought my big sis was the natural fit for his godparent. But my ex was adamant that his equally qualified sister was to be Jackson’s godmother. We disagreed for weeks until finally someone suggested that our son could have two godmothers. Seriously?! I have two college degrees and I still couldn’t think of that efficient, diplomatic conclusion on my own." -- Katie Nemer
3. We shouldn't have squabbled over the little things.
"I don't regret voicing my opinion and sticking up for my beliefs but I do regret the small things we argued over. I have always created a world of black and white and it's only now that I'm learning how to live in the gray area... I wasn't able to relax and let the little things go. It's become my biggest regret -- that and leaving the bathroom door open." -- Adam Petzold
4. We didn't argue enough.
"The one fight I regret having in my marriage is the one we didn’t have. I’ve learned that strong couples with lasting marriages know how to fight but fight fair. They express their feelings without fear of derision or condemnation. They don’t avoid conflict, they deal with it head-on. They get through the argument and -- the best part -- they kiss and make up. A friend who was shocked to learn of my divorce said to me, 'But you and your husband never fought!' And I replied, 'Exactly.'" -- K.C. Wilder
5. I regret not breaking the cycle of arguing.
"I regret having the same fights over and over again rather than saying sooner: how can we break this cycle? By the time I said that, it was too late. That said, I think we made the best decision in divorcing and I wish him only happiness at this point." -- Laura Lifshitz
6. I regret not having a fight about why we were ending the marriage.
"I actually regret not having more of an argument at the end of my marriage. There was a small window of time when he was forthcoming about his feelings but I missed that opportunity. We only had one conversation where I got a few answers but there really wasn't a sense of closure for me." -- Patty Blue Hayes
7. I regret arguing over who would do the housework.
"I was a young mom at 29, going through a period of frustration in my marriage when I felt unappreciated and neglected. A few months after having my youngest daughter, I thought, 'If I continue on the same path, I will disappear, lost behind an endless pile of laundry and dirty dishes.' After talking to several coworkers who had attempted a strike at home, I tried it myself. I stopped doing my husband’s laundry and dishes. I boycotted all things that had to do directly with his care. I even tallied how much everything would cost if he were to hire someone to do all of my jobs, in addition to my working full-time outside the home. He reacted differently than I pictured: I thought he would notice the absence of my hard work, realize how much he needed me and express his immense appreciation for me. But what I did was childish. His feelings of being overwhelmed from his 60 hour work-weeks did not occur to me. I think all we both wanted was validation and appreciation, which neither of us felt we were given. Communication is so important." -- Trish Eklund
8. I regret that our conversations became arguments.
"I hated arguing and I was married to someone who seemed to want to argue twice a week about something. I never understood it. That said, I I regret none of the conversations I had with my ex. Zero. Often I’d say I was sorry to end the fight and move on, even though I felt I was in the right. We fought all the time. That should tell you something. My current wife and I almost never fight. Our biggest fight to date was about who was going to get up early to take the dogs out!" -- Bill Flanigin
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