Your Top Engagement Etiquette Questions Answered

Your Top Engagement Etiquette Questions Answered
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For BRIDES, by Jaimie Schoen.

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Getting engaged is a huge deal. Whether you’ve discussed it before (and even helped pick out your ring) or are totally surprised, when that question finally gets popped, there’s going to be a whole lot running through your mind! Our experts have rounded up some of the top engagement etiquette questions to help you navigate this exciting, emotional, and intense time. Congratulations!

Who Do We Tell First? As soon as you’ve said “yes,” the first people you should call are your parents, followed by siblings and any other close family members. Essentially, anyone who would have a valid cause to be upset if they found out on Facebook instead of directly from you! Then go ahead and call your friends, text your coworkers, and get that perfect #ringselfie for Instagram.

What Do We Do First? The very first thing to do after getting engaged is make sure your ring is insured. It’s possibly the biggest purchase either of you have ever made, so get that baby protected STAT! 

“The very first thing to do after getting engaged is make sure your ring is insured.”

Do I Have to Wear an Engagement Ring? Of course not! If you’re more of a necklace or earrings kind of gal, you can totally get engaged with alternative jewelry. Not into jewelry at all? You’re still engaged, even without the visible symbol, so go ahead and use that money for whatever you’d like, from the downpayment on a house to a totally luxe engagement vacation.

Do We Have to Post on Social Media? If Facebook and Instagram aren’t your jam, there’s no reason to force yourself to use a social media platform just for the sake of announcing your engagement. Instead, share the news with your friends directly, either in person or via text. Or go totally old school and place an engagement announcement in the local paper!

Someone Is Asking Prying Questions About My Ring. Help! If you’re getting unwanted questions about your ring, from the size and quality to the cost (which is not proper engagement etiquette at all!), you have every right to not answer. Instead, remind the asker that you didn’t purchase the ring, and you have no intention of asking the questions to your spouse-to-be, and emphasize what the ring means to you. That’s more valuable than precious gems any day!

I Don’t Like My Engagement Ring. What Should I Do? If you don’t love your ring, don’t panic. If your ring was purchased new, see if you and your fiancé can head back to the jeweler together to pick out something new. It might be a different setting for the same stone, or a different ring altogether. Is your engagement ring a family heirloom? See if you can have the stone reset or use the metal for a new band, or start shopping for wedding bands that help transform the setting into a completed look you really love.

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Before You Go

Why These Women Love Their 'Small' Engagement Rings
(01 of17)
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"No upgrade needed here. This ring belonged to my husband's grandma. Before he proposed he, his brother and his dad all decided I was the woman they wanted it passed on to." -- Tracy Whitaker (credit:Tracy Whitaker)
(02 of17)
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"I have been wearing this ring for 26 years. It's not the value of this ring that matters to me, it's what it represents. A marriage that lasts because of true commitment, loyalty and honor to one man through the struggles of life, learning and growing old together." --Mel Ags (credit:Mel Ags)
(03 of17)
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"My beautiful ring was $350 and all we could afford. My husband worked numerous side jobs just to be able to buy me this. He has bought me beautiful jewelry since, including very sparkly rings with lots of diamonds, to replace this one. And although I do wear them, I just cannot bring myself to replace this one! They are all worn on different fingers at different times. But these two never come off. These were bought with his heart. And no ring could replace that! Love my little diamond!" -- Suzanne Downs Redding (credit:Suzanne Downs Redding)
(04 of17)
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"The reason I love this ring isn't about the ring itself, but the proposal. Which to me, was so much more important. He knew I was a nature lover so he took me to the Grand Canyon, one of the Seven Natural Wonders, and told me no matter how beautiful any landscape is, I'll always be his very own wonder." -- Audrey Boyer (credit:Audrey Boyer)
(05 of17)
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"My husband was in the Navy. When we first met he was a welder. We were too broke to get a rock so he made this ring for me at work out of a steel pipe. Three kids later, he did buy me a diamond ring but I returned it. It did not feel right and I still wear this ring with more pride than any diamond ring could ever give me because it was made from love and that is what a true marriage is." -- Suzette Davila Rogers (credit:Suzette Davila Rogers)
(06 of17)
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"When Lee and I first got engaged I didn't even have a ring, I was just happy to call him my fiancé. It took me seven months to get this after our official engagement. My ring is a symbol of us, our love, our longevity, our bond, our souls and we don't need a huge diamond to symbolize that. Plus, we like to live within our means and let's be honest -- a $5,000 ring isn't really within our means right now." -- Richelle Smith (credit:Richelle Smith)
(07 of17)
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"Some would call mine small too, but we've been together 25 years, have six kids and one granddaughter. That, my friends, is success! I love my ring. It's a simple heart to signify that love need not be complicated to be true." -- Joyce Scott-George (credit:Joyce Scott-George)
(08 of17)
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"My ring is small. It’s smaller than most other rings I’ve seen in my life, but the minute he got on one knee and opened up the box, I wasn’t looking at the size, the color or the gem. I was looking into his vibrant ocean blue eyes as they gazed into mine. They were the same joyful, wildly happy eyes I had gazed into at 18 years old. It was that feeling of warmth, of care, of kindness, safety, security and love that I had felt all those years ago." -- Caitlin Nealon (credit:Caitlin Nealon)
(09 of17)
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"It doesn't matter how big or small! The ring symbolizes where you're at in your life, your style and love. Nobody should be judging if you have the biggest stone or no stone [at all]! Wear your rings with pride!" -- Leah Kerton (credit:Leah Kerton)
(10 of17)
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"My engagement ring was his grandmother's. My wedding band is plain gold...so what? Why do wedding sets need to be lavish and expensive? Just because your ring is beautiful doesn't mean your marriage is." -- Sunny Palleria Morrell (credit:Sunny Palleria Morrell)
(11 of17)
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"I've always said 'no' to the idea of upgrading my sweet wedding ring. After all, what would I do with this one -- the one my husband placed on my finger the day I married him, the one he bought when he was 20, the one that took us years to pay off, the one that reminds me daily how high school sweethearts fell in love over 12 years ago? I'm just fine with my little ring and in no way does the size of it define my success in this world." -- Holly Hill (credit:Holly Hill)
(12 of17)
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"My ring is small too. My husband and I have been together 16 years, married for 10 years. The size of my ring is not equal to the size of our love." -- Rae Mo Hoch (credit:Rae Mo Hoch)
(13 of17)
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"My husband told me to pick out the ring. He proposed without one while we were sitting on his couch less than a year into our relationship. I said, 'yes!' He took me to stores, and the people tried to get us to get huge ones, but I don't like huge jewelry. I picked the engagement ring out and the lady said, 'That's a promise ring, you don't want that.' I said, 'He's promising his life and love to me. I love the promise ring.' I love it!" -- Bonnie Long (credit:Bonnie Long)
(14 of17)
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"The ring my husband chose for me 11 years ago. I love it so much. He offered to get me a bigger one and I said 'no'. This is the one you proposed with, this is the one I said 'yes' with, and this is the one I will keep." -- Stephanie Lloyd-Authement (credit:Stephanie Lloyd-Authement)
(15 of17)
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"My ring was in the promise ring section. It cost $250 and even that was too expensive for what we could afford. My fiancé (now husband) sold all his video games to afford it! Ain't that true love! At the time we thought we'd 'upgrade' at some point, but now I'd never want to. It symbolizes all the beautiful things that our relationship means. I love it to death. It's simple. But there's not a more perfect ring out there for me." -- Shelby Czirban Martin (credit:Shelby Czirban Martin)
(16 of17)
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"Almost 28 years ago, a 17-year-old boy sold his prized comic book collection and stepped into a jewelry store with his neighbor. His neighbor knew the store owner and got this boy a wonderful deal on a ring set for his soon-to-be bride. Yes, it's not a big diamond but I don't care. The size doesn't prove the love. I am in love with this ring as much today as I was back then." -- Kristine Bauer Torrice (credit:Kristine Bauer Torrice)
(17 of17)
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"When I got married I bought my husband the only ring I could afford and I wore an $8 ring from Walmart. A few weeks later my husband was feeling bad that it was starting to turn my finger green, so I bought a $35 opal ring and it is beautiful." -- Shakira Xavier Osborn (credit:Shakira Xavier Osborn)

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