If we've learned one thing from our orange soda taste test, it's this: Our taste buds need to seek psychological counseling.
Certain foods take special residence in our childhood memories, but they never make the cut into our adult lives. (It'd be weird to see a Wall Street suit-type sucking on a Go-Gurt while berating someone on his Bluetooth, right?) Orange soda is one of those foods that just never made the transition to adulthood, for whatever reason -- we're guessing it's because Adult You is more health-conscious than Child You, or because it looks unprofessional to show up to a meeting with a neon orange tongue.
So because we don't drink it regularly anymore, orange soda evokes powerful associations with our early years. Seriously. Memories so powerful that they cloud our judgement of what "good" orange soda is. Basically, what we're saying is that the psychological link to our childhood has murdered our ability to decipher good from bad. Do you REALLY like Fanta, or does it just remind you of a time when you could run around the kiddie pool naked, before you had to worry about paying rent?
Because all of our taste tests are blind taste tests (meaning the tasters have no idea which brands they're drinking), sometimes we're horrified to find we've ranked the major monster brands atop the list, when the beloved artisanal products that we buy regularly end up ranked at the bottom. This is one of those occasions. Despite receiving markedly negative comments, our winner is a major brand that exhibits all the qualities of your typical orange soda (fluorescent orange, uber sweet). But among the complaints were also comments such as these: "Tastes like my childhood," and "Too syrupy, but it's what orange soda is supposed to taste like." Supposed to taste like? Clearly, our tongues need therapy.
We were also saddened to see that the last-place finisher is what we THOUGHT was one of our favorite brands. Someone called it "butt water," and now we just don't know what to think.
Read all the comments below, and let us know what you think.
As always, this taste taste is in no way sponsored or influenced by the brands included.
Orange Soda Taste Test, 2013
#1: Sunkist(01 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "A little creamy. I like it." "Tastes like my childhood." "Way, way, way too high fructose corn syrupy." "A little fake syrupy." "Extremely sweet; it coats my teeth with a film of fructose." "Too syrupy, but it's what orange soda is supposed to taste like." "This is what you'd expect orange soda to taste like." (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#2: Orangina(02 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "It has pulp! It tastes so much more like orange juice than your typical fluorescent orange soda." "A little tangerine-y. Not bad." "Nice natural taste. Good balance." "Watered down." "Tastes kind of like 5-Alive." (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#3: Polar Orange Dry(03 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "Fresh-tasting, just sweet enough, and different from your typical orange soda." "I'm not mad at it." "Delicious! Very sweet, but with enough acidity to keep it balanced." "Really good balance of orange and sweetness. Weirdly pale color though." (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#4: Fanta(04 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "There's a lot of fizz going on here, and it's not as sweet as the other neon-orange sodas." "All I taste is sugar." "A little too sweet for me." "A little too sweet, but it's good classic orange soda." "Your basic orange soda." "Spot-on orange soda perfection." (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#5: 7 Select(05 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "This is just your typical orange high-fructose soda." "Sugar, sugar, sugar. Are my tastebuds broken?" "Classic orange soda flavor, for better or for worse." "Flat sugar water." (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#6: Mountain Dew Kickstart(06 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "It's like Tums made a soda." "Very strong fake sugar flavor." "Slightly resembles an orange. Weird bitterness at the end." "Rather tropical palate … some mango maybe?" "Just tastes like citrus soda. Not bad though." "Tastes diet -- meh." (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#7: Boylan(07 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "Doesn't taste anything like oranges, but it definitely tastes like orange soda." "Sugar + orange oil + carbonated water." "Artificial, almost plastic-y, aftertaste." "So sweet that it doesn't even taste like orange." "Awesome, love it. Best thing ever." (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#8: Gus(08 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "Oddly sour." "Ugh This tastes like Emergen-C." "Totally fine, but not exciting." "Pineapple water." "Weak flavor, nothing to write home about." "Where's the flavor at?" (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#9: San Pellegrino(09 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "Seltzer-like. Not flavorful enough to satisfy a soda craving." "This smells like dog food? This has an odd saltiness that I am not okay with." "Bland." "This is carbonated orange juice, not orange soda." "Too thick." "Tart. Too tart. Bad." "Orangey and a bit floral -- is that rose?" (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#10: Sprizzo(10 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "SO SOUR." "This is really sour, but I'm pretty into it." "Ew. Just tastes like seltzer." "Butt water." "Tastes old." "Watery, but not terrible." (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
#11: Izze(11 of11)
Open Image ModalComments: "Weirdly tropical. Is there pineapple juice in here?" "Oh no. Oh no. Why is it so sour? Really different. Not sweet enough to be traditional orange soda." "Yucky grape juice flavor." "Rotten oranges! No!" "Too tart. Give me more sugar!" (credit:Wendy George/The Huffington Post)
This story appears in Issue 67 of our weekly iPad magazine, Huffington, available Friday, Sept. 20 in the iTunes App store.
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