This article by Ken Harbaugh originally appeared on Fatherly:
Every morning for the past three weeks, he has woken me at 4 AM with his pacing -- collar jangling, looking for God knows what. He has been talking to ghosts lately. He wanders into corners, gets stuck, and lets out a hoarse "woof." I rouse myself from bed to feed him. Sometimes he eats; sometimes he doesn't. Under my breath, I curse the sleep he is costing me. But he is 16 years old, and in my heart I can't really be angry with him.
When we moved him across the country more than a year ago, we were sure Shadow only had a few months left. But I suspect he knew we still needed him. Every night in this new house, he implemented a rotating shift, sleeping next to each of the kids' beds, then finally settling next to ours once he determined all was well.
I got the call from my wife around noon. He wouldn't get up to go outside, and one of his eyes would not open. When I got home, he was still breathing, but barely. He was lying right where I knew he would be, in the fur-covered divot by my side of the bed. When I stretched out next to him, he barely stirred. Then, slowly and with great effort, he lifted his head and laid it on my arm. It was heavier than I ever remember it being. He opened his good eye, looked into mine, and let out a sigh.
"I'm done," he told me. He had settled us into this new home and made sure we would be okay. He had checked every corner and stood watch every night. He was happy, knowing he had taken good care of this family for 16 years. But he was also tired, and in pain, and he was asking me to make this easier for him.
Putting down a pet isn't a calamity. It is its own kind of sorrow though, different from any I've felt before.
I know the difference between sorrow and tragedy. I have lost friends and family members, been to funerals for loved ones taken too soon. Putting down a pet is not a calamity. It is its own kind of sorrow though, different from any I have felt before. My dog, my best friend, was asking me to take him on his last walk. He had given me everything he possibly could. And never asked for anything in return. Until today.
He sighed again, and there was something of an apology in it. "I am sorry you have to do this," he told me. I pulled my phone from my pocket and called the vet. He said to come whenever I am ready. I said "a few hours," to give the kids time for their goodbyes.
On the ride home from school, my wife explained to our children what was happening. They came in quietly and gathered around me and my dog. We ran our hands through his soft fur and told stories about his happier days. Like when he ate the whole fruitcake. Or crashed the wedding party at the beach. At one point, we all laughed. Beyond a doubt, I knew this is how Shadow would want to leave us. Everyone gave him one last squeeze. Lizzie laid a bouquet of flowers, plucked from the yard, by his nose. I cradled him in my arms and carried him to the car. I had not held him like that since he was a puppy.
I asked the vet if I could share one last story. He sat on the floor next to Shadow and me, as I explained about Afghanistan and how this dog helped settle me back home. I could not finish. Shadow laid in my lap, his breathing shallower than before. The doc put a reassuring hand on mine. "This is a dog in pain," he said. "You're doing the right thing." He put in an IV. He flushed the vein. And then...
I laid with Shadow for a long time afterwards, as his body slowly lost its warmth. I buried my head in the soft fur around his neck and let out one last cry. "Such a good dog," was all I managed to say. When I went home, the kids hugged me and asked about heaven. I told them we would see Shadow there, but I was not really sure.
It is 4 AM now. I am haunting this house alone, desperate for the jangling of Shadow's collar. He is the ghost now. Last night I dreamed I saw him across a wide river. He was wagging his tail and pacing happily, something he has not done in a long time. I wondered if he was trying to cross over to me. Then I saw his fur, already wet from a good swim. He wasn't coming back. He was there waiting. If there is a heaven, our dogs are the ones who let us in.
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What Kids Learn From Pets
Hug Tight(01 of21)
Open Image Modal"[My dog taught my baby] How to love." -- Sarah W.Babies and toddlers are already expert cuddlers. The hope, of course, is that by having a snuggable furry friend in the house, the chances of kids enjoying hugs and kisses from mommy after the age of 10 might increase -- by at least one squeeze per week. (credit:Facebook)
Share(02 of21)
Open Image Modal"We refer to [our son] as 'the dog whisperer.' Having a dog has taught him to share (especially at dinner time)!" - Sadie K.Pets, unlike kids, never really grow out of needing to be taken care of. Which means children learn how to care for another living creature, even when it means giving up a beloved stuffed animal when it is commandeered to be a teething toy -- or some precious floor space. (credit:Facebook)
Imagine(03 of21)
Open Image ModalRelax(04 of21)
Open Image ModalPets teach kids that meaningful experiences don't always need to involve conversation. A quiet afternoon with a playful cat or lazy puppy shows children that there's more to relationships than words: just being together -- watching, listening, and caring for another person or animal -- is enough. (credit:Christine Renfro)
Beam(05 of21)
Open Image ModalDogs smile. Cats are curious about the world around them. (Sometimes too curious.) Nobody says you have to be happy all the time -- but would you rather your kid grew up to idolize teenage nonchalance, or the boundless enthusiasm of your family pet? (credit:Facebook)
Take A Good Nap(06 of21)
Open Image ModalStep Up(07 of21)
Open Image ModalMake Friends (And Don't Bite Your Friends)(08 of21)
Open Image ModalPlay Hard(09 of21)
Open Image ModalStretch(10 of21)
Open Image ModalTrust(11 of21)
Open Image ModalJust because a dog has teeth, doesn't mean she'll bite. Ditto for cats and nails. Even if your pet isn't big and tough, it takes time to learn these things, but once your child does, he or she will have discovered one of the most important facts of life. Having these creatures in the house, who don't speak human, is just one big fantastic reminder that something or someone who looks different certainly isn't scary -- and just might become your best friend. (credit:Jessica Samakow)
Keep It Clean(12 of21)
Open Image Modal"JR, at the ripe age of 4 months, has learned from his Pug Brother that tongues are just as effective as baths for cleaning." -- Abbie P.We're not suggesting that all household animals are pristine -- far from it. (Indeed, with many pets, the question isn't whether or not the animal smells, but what, exactly, the animal smells like. Seafood? Garbage? Stinky feet? Mold?) Mysterious perfumes notwithstanding, most animals do make an effort to preen or groom themselves regularly. We have to hope kids get the message that it's good to at least want to look your best. (credit:Facebook)
... But Don't Be Afraid To Get Dirty(13 of21)
Open Image Modal"This is my daughter just after her 1st birthday looking over our balcony. This kid has no fear of dogs and will walk right up to every dog she sees if we let her." - Melissa VersenFor people with furry pets, leaving the house without sporting a single animal hair -- or, more realistically, a substantial coating of the stuff -- is pretty much an impossible dream. And more often than not, getting out of the house with only hair on your clothes is a break; loving pets with dirty paws or slobbery lips are hard to turn away. Having affectionate but messy animals around teaches you to stop worrying about being perfect and just let things go. (credit:Facebook)
Be Gentle(14 of21)
Open Image Modal"K, now 3, has learned how to be gentle with his doggy friend Belle, which has come in handy this year when his little brother was born." - Sarah W.No matter how badly kids want to pull their tails, pat them on their adorable puppy heads or tackle a kitty, animals demand a gentle touch. And, on the flip side, having a yippy or bark-happy dog might persuade a child going through a tantrum phase to embrace a new appreciation for peace and quiet. (credit:Sarah Girvin Walluk)
Stay Focused(15 of21)
Open Image Modal"Kitty keeps S's glance which has been wonderful practice for tracking objects and muscle control." -- kimonox (credit:kimonox2005)
Stick Together(16 of21)
Open Image Modal"She has learned to share food and how to pet nicely." - Sarah H.Pets have feelings too, and when they get sad or tired , it's up to their owners to be supportive. As all good friends know, sometimes that means being a distraction. Unsurprising, babies and kids have this approach down. (credit:Facebook)
Protect Each Other(17 of21)
Open Image ModalDogs may be known for being able to guard people and their possessions, but their fierce loyalty is also a reminder to care for friends who can't stand up for themselves. (credit:Angela Faggard)
Love Unconditionally(18 of21)
Open Image ModalPerhaps this one goes without saying, but all pet owners know it's true. Dogs love you as much when you're sad or tired as they do when you're having a great day. And the style of love we learn from them -- warm, generous, active, loyal -- is eminently transferable. (credit:Facebook)
Smile for the Camera(19 of21)
Open Image ModalNap Time(20 of21)
Open Image ModalA boy and his dog(21 of21)
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