Freaking Out, and 14 Other Milestones for New Parents

Here are just some of the totally NORMAL things that you are likely to do.
|
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
Open Image Modal
Father At Home Holding Sleeping Newborn Baby Daughter

We always hear about milestones for your baby. Everything you read about milestones says "baby is going to do this" and "baby is going to do that." (Newsflash: baby won't say your name for a long time and will take even longer to learn to drive.)

But enough about baby! Let's talk about you! Congratulations on becoming a parent! Are you totally freaking out? If you are, THAT is your first milestone! FREAKING OUT! Check it off your list! As you probably guessed, there are even more milestones to look forward to in your first weeks as a new parent. Here are just some of the totally NORMAL things that you are likely to do:

  1. Become grateful for the existence of stool softener.

  • Run out of songs to sing when rocking your baby to sleep; eventually turn anything you know the words to into lullabies -- including "Walk Like An Egyptian" and "Livin' On A Prayer."
  • Conquer your fear of accidentally leaving a thumbprint in one of your baby's soft spots.
  • Decide there was really no point in decorating the nursery because the only thing in there that your newborn seems to look at is the ceiling fan.
  • Learn that the absolutely most uncomfortable position for you when you hold your baby is the one that calms her the most when she is crying.
  • Find the first couple weeks of breastfeeding to be a piece of cake. A piece of cake with a way, way more complicated recipe than you realized, lots of hard-to-find ingredients, and a fondant frosting that you can't get right. So... yes, a piece of cake.
  • Wear your maternity clothes for a lot longer than nine months. (This means that your maternity jeans -- just like that! -- are now "mom jeans.")
  • Feel a love so pure and profound that you never before knew it was possible. It will be for your bed.
  • Wish the traditional request wasn't to "come see the baby." Wish it was "come do your dishes," "come fold your clothes," or "come help you wash out your breast pump."
  • Eventually move on to finding more comfortable holding positions that help your baby stop crying. Find that you suddenly miss the old, uncomfortable positions a little.
  • Cry.
  • Know what it must feel like to win the lottery when you find even MORE ways to get your baby to stop crying that the books didn't mention. (Let's be honest, though... we're talking about a lottery with a fairly small jackpot.)
  • Witness your baby's first smile. When you will tell someone about it, that person will tell you it was "just gas." Screw that. It's a smile! You've been sleeping horribly, skipping showers and serving as an open milk bar. Take the smile! You earned it.
  • Do you remember that profound, pure love you felt for your bed? It will be nothing compared to what you grow to feel for your baby.
  • This post originally appeared on Mammalingo, the blog that smells good.

    Also on HuffPost:

    Baby Photobombs
    Forced Baby Bomb(01 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    Ok, so sometimes it's hard for babies to bomb photos by themselves. (credit:<a href="http://imgur.com/AmKwq" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://imgur.com/AmKwq" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="23" data-vars-position-in-unit="24">Reddit</a>)
    Full Moon Baby Bomb(02 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    That baby is just begging for attention. (credit:<a href="http://imgur.com/i0CE8" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://imgur.com/i0CE8" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="22" data-vars-position-in-unit="23">Reddit</a>)
    Crying Baby Stroller Bomb(03 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    "I had to watch this whole boring marathon." (credit:<a href="http://imgur.com/F85LO" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://imgur.com/F85LO" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="21" data-vars-position-in-unit="22">Reddit</a>)
    Creepy Toddler Bomb(04 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    The eyes say it all. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/6389721344" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/6389721344" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="20" data-vars-position-in-unit="21">This is Photobomb</a>)
    Rolling Toy Bomb(05 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    If you are going to photobomb, you should cheese adorably. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/5165739264" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/5165739264" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="19" data-vars-position-in-unit="20">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Car And Bikini Bomb(06 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    The baby is her stand-in model. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/5213116672" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/5213116672" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="18" data-vars-position-in-unit="19">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Scary Baby Bomb(07 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    That's a pretty big (fake) gun for a baby. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/5130409216" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/5130409216" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="17" data-vars-position-in-unit="18">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Swimsuit Bomb(08 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    "Let's go swimming! Stop taking pictures!" (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/5003817472" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/5003817472" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="16" data-vars-position-in-unit="17">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Old-Fashioned Baby Bomb(09 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    This has to be one of the first. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/3747406592" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/3747406592" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="15" data-vars-position-in-unit="16">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Baby From Below Bomb(10 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    Ruining perfectly good cleavage pics is just one of the many services he offers. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/3613857792" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/3613857792" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="14" data-vars-position-in-unit="15">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Perfect Baby Bomb(11 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    The best way to improve boring, old lectures, hands down. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/3371670272" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/3371670272" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="13" data-vars-position-in-unit="14">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Meta Baby Bomb(12 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    Can you photobomb yourself? Contemplate this and get back to us. (credit:Courtesy of Linda Sharps)
    Sexting Bomb(13 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    "Mom, are you taking pictures of your butt again?" (credit:<a href="http://parentfails.com/post/18140327202/baby-photobomb" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Parent Fails" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://parentfails.com/post/18140327202/baby-photobomb" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="12" data-vars-position-in-unit="13">Parent Fails</a>)
    Sneak Attack Bomb(14 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    Making birthday dinners at the Cheesecake Factory weird since 2009. (credit:<a href="http://www.idontwannagrowup.com/528/baby-pictures/funny-cute-14-baby-photobombs/" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="I Don&#x27;t Want To Grow Up" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.idontwannagrowup.com/528/baby-pictures/funny-cute-14-baby-photobombs/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="11" data-vars-position-in-unit="12">I Don't Want To Grow Up</a>)
    Myspace Bomb(15 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    "Mom, that site doesn't even exist anymore." (credit:<a href="http://www.jest.com/picture/4019/baby-photobomb" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Jest.com" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.jest.com/picture/4019/baby-photobomb" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="10" data-vars-position-in-unit="11">Jest.com</a>)
    Baby And Hammer Bomb(16 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    We're just going to assume this turned out fine. (credit:<a href="http://dailypicksandflicks.com/2011/12/13/daily-picdump-334/little-girl-with-a-hammer-and-a-baby-photobomb/" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Daily Picks And Flicks" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://dailypicksandflicks.com/2011/12/13/daily-picdump-334/little-girl-with-a-hammer-and-a-baby-photobomb/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="9" data-vars-position-in-unit="10">Daily Picks And Flicks</a>)
    Exhausted Toddler Bomb(17 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    He just wanted that shoe. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/5609970688" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/5609970688" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="8" data-vars-position-in-unit="9">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Sneaky Carseat Bomb(18 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    That face! (credit:<a href="http://imgur.com/gallery/GVhkt" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://imgur.com/gallery/GVhkt" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="7" data-vars-position-in-unit="8">Reddit</a>)
    Perfect Mirror Bomb(19 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    Look behind her shoulder. (credit:<a href="http://i.imgur.com/TUs3I.jpg" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://i.imgur.com/TUs3I.jpg" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="6" data-vars-position-in-unit="7">Reddit</a>)
    Serious Baby Bomb(20 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    They're trying to be cute, but he's cuter. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/6543637248" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/6543637248" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="5" data-vars-position-in-unit="6">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Kissing Baby Bomb(21 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    You might be focused on the TV bomb, but the little baby in the back takes the cake. (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/5102753792" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/5102753792" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="4" data-vars-position-in-unit="5">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Kiss Baby Bomb(22 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    "Hey, no fair!" (credit:<a href="http://cheezburger.com/4908594944" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="This Is Photobomb" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://cheezburger.com/4908594944" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="3" data-vars-position-in-unit="4">This Is Photobomb</a>)
    Running Baby Bomb(23 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    This baby is living life to the fullest. (credit:<a href="https://www.tumblr.com" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Tumblr: " data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="https://www.tumblr.com" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="1" data-vars-position-in-unit="2">Tumblr: </a><a href="http://lefunyon.tumblr.com/post/23929492988" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="lefunyon" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://lefunyon.tumblr.com/post/23929492988" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="2" data-vars-position-in-unit="3">lefunyon</a>)
    Book Bomb(24 of24)
    Open Image Modal
    Without the baby, this is a pretty boring picture. (credit:<a href="http://i.imgur.com/JjvNs.jpg" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b9eeaeae4b03a1dcc9fa993" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://i.imgur.com/JjvNs.jpg" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="0" data-vars-position-in-unit="1">Reddit</a>)

    HuffPost Shopping’s Best Finds

    MORE IN LIFE