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Actual Strategies From A Leaked GOP Memo -- We Didn't Make These Up

There are retired NASA rovers less out of touch.
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By 

Writer, HuffPost

The Washington Post obtained a private memo from the National Republican Senatorial Committee which details campaign strategies should Donald Trump be chosen as the Republican presidential nominee.

To call them out of touch would be putting it mildly. This is real. Your pet probably does a better human impression.

"Candidates shouldn't go near [Trump's comments on women] other than to say your wife or daughter is offended by what Trump said."
Helder Almeida via Getty Images
Some humans would, but don't think that you need to defend the women in your life!
"Hold sessions where you listen to people and capture audio and video of them discussing their real world problems."
tetmc via Getty Images
Humans have things they want! Listen to what humans want!
"Lose the suit ... Tell your communications and media teams to up the vibe and change the look."
Roy Hsu via Getty Images
Humans often dress in not suits! So try dressing in not a suit!
"Voters are onto you when you do the standard walk and talk through a business, school, or factory."
JLP/Jose Luis Pelaez/Fuse via Getty Images
Humans will trust you more if you don't walk and talk in certain places!
"Try a new look and have business owners, constituents, family members, and workers talk about you."
Michaela Begsteiger via Getty Images
If humans don't want one thing, consider doing something else!
"[Featuring real people] protects you from opposition attacks since real world people are talking about real world things you did for them."
TommL via Getty Images
Humans are human!
"Consider doing some of the jobs the workers do in the machine shops, small businesses, and factories you visit. Have the employee show you what they do and then try to do it."
Jupiterimages via Getty Images
If you can do human jobs, humans will think you're human!
"Feature candidates working on an old engine, and note how sometimes you have to do a complete overhaul to get things working."
Steve Mason via Getty Images
Engines make things go! Fixing an engine will show that you can also make things go!
"Have a constituent or citizen talking about the candidate cleaning up the mess in Washington as the candidate participates in a street cleaning."
Dave & Les Jacobs via Getty Images
Humans like clean things! Show them you'll clean up their things!
"Consider featuring a candidate in a field ripping up a rotten tree stump so the field can be cleared and planting can be done."
Aaron MCcoy via Getty Images
Humans will think you're "down to earth" the closer you are to the actual earth!
"Sell optimism."
Jupiterimages via Getty Images
Be a positive human! Other humans like that!

**We used mostly photos of white dudes because we thought that would be more relatable for Republicans running for office.**

 

Also on HuffPost:

Here's What The 10 Leading GOP Candidates Think Of Climate Change
Donald "It's Cold Outside" Trump(01 of10)
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"It’s snowing & freezing in NYC. What the hell ever happened to global warming?" -- March 2013

“I believe in clean air. Immaculate air. But I don't believe in climate change." -- Sept. 2015

"It's really cold outside, they are calling it a major freeze, weeks ahead of normal. Man, we could use a big fat dose of global warming!" -- Oct. 2015 (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
Ben "This Always Happens" Carson(02 of10)
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“There’s always going to be either cooling or warming going on. As far as I’m concerned, that’s irrelevant. What is relevant is that we have an obligation and a responsibility to protect our environment." -- Nov. 2014

"Of course there's climate change. Any point in time, temperatures are going up or temperatures are going down. Of course that's happening. When that stops happening, that's when we're in big trouble." -- Sept. 2015 (credit:Erik Kabik Photography/ MediaPunch/MediaPunch/IPx)
Marco "Oh But The Jobs" Rubio(03 of10)
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“We are not going to destroy our economy, make America a harder place to create jobs, in order to pursue a policy that will do nothing, nothing to change our climate, to change our weather." -- Sept. 2015

"America is not a planet." -- Sept. 2015 (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
Ted "You Climate Blasphemers, You" Cruz(04 of10)
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“If you look at satellite data for the last 18 years, there’s been zero recorded warming. The satellite says it ain’t happening.” -- August 2015

“Climate change is not science. It's religion." -- Oct. 2015 (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
Jeb "Well Maybe, But I'm A Republican" Bush(05 of10)
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"The climate is changing, whether men are doing it or not." -- June 2015

“I don't think it's the highest priority. I don’t think we should ignore it, either." -- August 2015 (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
Carly "I Worked With Scientists And They're All Wrong" Fiorina(06 of10)
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"I believe if you're going to go to science, you need to read the fine print. And here's what the scientists say: A single nation acting alone can make no difference at all." -- Sept. 2015

“The only answer to this problem, according to the scientist, is a three-decade global effort, coordinated and costing coordinated effort. It's impossible, are you kidding? A three-decade effort, costing trillions of dollars, coordinated with current technology? It’ll never happen.” -- Sept. 2015 (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
Mike "Um, Kaboom" Huckabee(07 of10)
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"Science is not as settled on that as it is on some things.” -- June 2015

"A volcano in one blast will contribute more than a hundred years of human activity." -- August 2015 (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
Chris "Sure, But Nah" Christie(08 of10)
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"I think global warming is real. I don't think that's deniable. And I do think human activity contributes to it."* -- May 2015

*But Christie has adamantly opposed New Jersey joining into a multi-state greenhouse gas initiative, calling it "a completely useless plan.” -- Sept. 2014 (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
John "It's Your Kids' Problem" Kasich(09 of10)
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“We don’t want to destroy people’s jobs, based on some theory that is not proven.” --August 2015

"Do I believe there is something called climate change? I do. Do I think that human beings affect it? I do. How much? Not enough for me to go out and cost somebody their job." -- Oct. 2015 (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
Rand "Doesn't Really Know" Paul(10 of10)
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"Not conclusive." -- April 2014

"Not sure anybody exactly knows why." -- April 2014

"Alarmist." -- April 2014

"I don't want to shut down all forms of energy such that thousands and thousands of people lose jobs.” -- April 2015 (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)

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