Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Ian Black, Whoopi Goldberg: The BEST Children's Books By Comedians(PHOTOS)
Michael Ian Black "A Pig Parade Is a Terrible Idea"(01 of12)
Open Image Modal"Like most children, you probably think a pig parade is a terrific idea. Well, you are wrong."
Jerry Seinfeld "Halloween"(02 of12)
Open Image Modal"I'll wear anything I have to wear... to get the candy from those fools who are so stupidly giving it away."
Jimmy Fallon "Snowball Fight"(03 of12)
Open Image Modal"No time for breakfast, already late. Pretend I don't hear when Mom yells, 'Wait.''
Jeff Foxworthy "Dirt on My Shirt"(04 of12)
Open Image Modal"Playing outside is so much fun/To breathe the clean air/And feel the warm sun/To stomp in a puddle/Or climb a big tree/Makes me quite happy/Just look and you'll see"
Whoopi Goldberg "Whoopi's Big Book of Manners"(05 of12)
Open Image Modal"If you are eating creamed corn, oatmeal, peas or mashed potatoes, do not use your hands(unless you are an ogre. In most cases, ogres are exempt from having certain table manners-it's a cultural thing...)"
Mel Brooks & Carl Reiner "The 2000 Year Old Man Goes to School"(06 of12)
Open Image Modal"About four days ago, a plane landed in America with a man who claimed to be 2000 years old. Today, that man is visiting a school just like your own to tell the children of the world what it's like to be 2000 years old. Kids, this is your chance to ask the oldest man in the world anything you want."
Jay Leno "If Roast Beef Could Fly"(07 of12)
Open Image Modal"'Look' shouts Aunt Nettie as the roast beef sails though the air. Out of nowhere, as if in slow motion, as graceful as LeBron James going up for a rebound, Bruce leaps across the sky and catches the roast beef..."
Steve Martin "Late for School"(08 of12)
Open Image Modal"Woke up this morning/Clock said I was late for school/Teacher told me that's not cool/Gotta put my shirt and pants on/Flew down the front stair/Wet my fingers and slicked my hair/Elbowed grandma passing by/Her face went into a pie."
Bill Crosby "Super-Fine Valentine(Little Bill Series)"(09 of12)
Open Image Modal"Can you keep a secret? This is a story about something strange that happened to me. I’ll tell you about it. But PLEASE, don’t tell anyone else."
Ray Romano "Raymie, Dickie and the Bean: Why I Love and Hate My Brothers"(10 of12)
Open Image Modal"Finally, after what seems like four hundred hours, they get in the car and we are on our way. Dickie is so excited that he gives me some noogies. I hate that, but he and Bean think it's hilarious."
Joy Behar "Sheetzucacapoopoo: My Kind of Dog"(11 of12)
Open Image Modal"We are all dogs. Aren't we? We have a lot in common. We all like to chew bones...chase cats...bark at the mailman...and sniff poops."
Bily Crystal "I Already Know I Love You"(12 of12)
Open Image Modal"I'm waiting to see you in ballet shoes or is it football pads?...Oh, unborn child I can't believe I'm writing this, 'cause I don't know who you are."