Eunuch Sought for IMF Presidency

The International Monetary Fund has announced that it's placing help wanted ads to find a replacement for disgraced IMF President Dominique Strauss-Kahn.

"We've taken out adverts in major newspapers worldwide," said IMF spokesman Gunter von Hessel-Bottom. "They'll be right there under 'banker.'"

"The ideal candidate will have an extensive knowledge of international banking, experience with central banks and a willingness to tolerate $3,000-a-night hotel rooms."

One would-be IMF president, who asked to remain anonymous, said "they're really pretty picky. It's almost as bad as getting a mortgage loan or trying to understand how we can possibly have a credit crunch when loans are available at less than 5 percent."

"What they really want is someone who will be a hands-on leader but hands-off in other respects, if you get what I mean."

Probably the toughest hurdle for prospective IMF candidates is the new requirement to be a eunuch.

"We actually have a very liberal attitude," said von Hessel-Bottom. "We will accept those who were born with eunuch status. Erectile dysfunction is not enough, though we would consider someone who is not now a eunuch but was willing to undergo gender reassignment."

The IMF will accept candidates from any member country but traditionally prefers leaders drawn from European nations.

"In essence we're looking for the perfect financial leader," said von Hessle-Bottom. "Someone with the swagger of Arnold Schwarzenegger, the tact of Mel Gibson, the honesty of a Wall Street banker and the compassion for the poor you would expect from any Republican presidential candidate before the Iowa primary."

For those who are interested, the job now comes with a residence, two cars and use of the IMF jet. While a good salary and retirement plan remain in place, maid service has been eliminated.
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Peter G. Miller is the author of six books and the founder of OurBroker.com.