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Laser-Guided Tactical Pizza Cutter Is Obviously Completely Necessary (PHOTO)

No. No we really don't.
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There are certain tasks in life that require tactical precision -- dismantling an explosive, discharging a firearm, slicing a wedding cake. You know what we probably wouldn't count among those things? Cutting a pizza.

Good people of the internet, are your hands so shaky that you are mangling a pizza as you try to slice it? Are your loved ones so aggressively dissatisfied with your pizza cutting ability that they're revolting? Have you been disproportionally divvying up pepperoni slices? THE HUMANITY. Let's all thank heavens that someone invented a laser-guided pizza cutter. No, really.

This apparatus includes both a laser sight and a flashlight in its design, just in case you are cutting a pizza inside a tank. You can pick one up for yourself, or your favorite shaky-handed pizza lover on ThinkGeek for $14.99.

[via Foodbeast]

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Before You Go

Stupid Pizza Cutters
Quirky Slice(01 of14)
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This pizza wheel has "crust-cutting blades" on either side. A spinning knife with two other knives sticking out of it. Awesome idea!$12.99 on Amazon (credit:Amazon)
Double Wheel Pizza Cutter(02 of14)
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Because one wheel is so efficient, you might as well have two.$33.90 on Amazon (credit:Amazon)
Pizza Cutter(03 of14)
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This hand-forged steel behemoth is simply labeled "Pizza Cutter." We think we probably would have gone with something a little more Medieval-sounding?$38.00 on UncommonGoods (credit:UncommonGoods)
Equalizer Multi-Blade Rocker(04 of14)
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The inventor of this pizza cutter probably needs to calm down about equally-sized slices. Just a guess. $210 - $275 on ABestKitchen.com (credit:Trendhunter)
Folding Pizza Wheel(05 of14)
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Uh, yeah. Shouldn't be any problems with people slicing their knuckles open here. $6.99 on Amazon (credit:Amazon)
Il Motorino(06 of14)
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Mario Batali is definitely clicking the link to order this one.$10 on Amazon (credit:Amazon)
Ny'Fork(07 of14)
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For the love of all that is holy, just pick up the slice of pizza.$6 on StupidIdiotic (credit:GizmoDiva)
Park Tool Pizza Tool(08 of14)
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Get it? Because bikes have wheels and it's a pizza wheel? Seriously, we hate this so much.$13.70 on Amazon (credit:Amazon)
PI Pizza Cutter(09 of14)
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Get it? Because it's Pi and -- oh, forget it.$22.95 on Amazon (credit:Amazon)
Pizza Pal(10 of14)
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This electric pizza cutter is one of our favorite "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?" jokes.$9.99 - $30 on eBay (credit:eBay)
Pizza Boss(11 of14)
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For the "handyman" in your life who really just eats too much pizza.$14.99 on ThinkGeek (credit:ThinkGeek)
Pizza Cutter With Stand(12 of14)
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The designers of this pizza wheel were apparently so inspired by their design, that they took the time to think up the name "Pizza Cutter with Stand" for their masterpiece. Also, kids, never sit on the edge of a blade that rotates!$40 on Amazon (credit:Amazon)
Pizza Peddler(13 of14)
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"His legs move as you cut!" Yes, because he's probably trying to get away from the BLADE UNDERNEATH HIM.$19.99 on Perpetual Kid (credit:Perpetual Kid)
Pizza Scissors Spatula(14 of14)
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Sadly, Amazon does not know when this item will be back in stock. We literally have no idea what you'll do in the meantime. (credit:Amazon)

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