It can be expensive to throw a wedding -- and as anyone who's been invited to a wedding knows, it can also be expensive to attend one.
An American Express survey revealed Monday that this year, guests expect to spend an average of $539 for each wedding they attend -- an increase of $200 from 2012. The survey also found that members of the bridal party estimate spending $577, though The Knot estimates that bridesmaids may spend as much as $1,385.
The cost of travel, gifts, new outfits, and a bachelor/ette party can add up quickly, causing some guests to feel as though they simply can't afford to attend. That's why budget-minded people who are invited weddings may opt to turn down the invitations, according to a Reuters article published Tuesday.
If you're in your late 20s, you may receive dozens of wedding invitations from friends all around the same time (the average marrying age is now 27 for women and 29 for men, according to a recent study by the National Marriage Project).
But is it bad etiquette to turn down a wedding invitation because you don't think you can afford to go? We asked celebrity wedding planner Sharon Sacks (who recently planned Michael Jordan's wedding) if finances are an acceptable reason to RSVP "not attending."
Sacks said she thinks this is a problem for a very specific demographic. The generation that is currently marrying is the same generation that was graduating college in the throes of the economic recession and have since been recovering from it.
As long as a guest alerts the couple in advance that they won't be attending, it is acceptable to turn down a wedding invitation because the guest can't afford it, Sacks said. Brides- and grooms-to-be shouldn't be offended if not everyone goes to their wedding -- Sacks said wedding planners usually expect 60 percent attendance.
If their finances are tight but they still want to attend, guests can save money by carpooling to the wedding, pooling in on a gift, or sacrificing a truly amazing dress for one that doesn’t break the bank.
"In any event, if you can’t attend, buying a budget-conscious gift from the couple’s registry will send the right message and illustrate that you care about their union and the celebration. It won’t be free, but you won’t be spending the kind of money that attending would have required," Sacks said.
For wedding gift ideas that don't break the bank, click here.
Click through the slideshow below to see which wedding etiquette rules are OK to break.
Wedding Etiquette Rules You Can Break
The Bride's Family Should Foot The Bill (01 of10)
Open Image ModalBrides Must Wear White(02 of10)
Open Image ModalGuests Can't Wear White(03 of10)
Open Image ModalThe Mother Of The Bride Can't Host The Shower(04 of10)
Open Image ModalEtiquette rules used to dictate that a bride's immediate family, particularly her mother, couldn't throw her bridal shower. "It was taboo because it was thought as being self-serving or raking in the gifts, but that's changed immensely," Post says. In fact, as more couples plan their own weddings, brides' mothers tend to feel left out as far as orchestrating the festivities goes, Naylor explains. Because of this, she says it is more than acceptable for a mother to "join in with the bridesmaids to co-host the shower, which skirts the etiquette 'don't.'" She adds that having mom's help can also ease the strain on bridesmaids who might be overwhelmed by the money they're spending on dresses, travel and other pre-wedding costs. (credit:Alamy)
Single Women Are Obligated To Participate In The Bouquet Toss(05 of10)
Open Image ModalUnattached women who dread -- or feel downright offended by -- this tradition don't have to put on a happy face and make their way to middle of the dance floor when the DJ beckons. "As a single woman, if you don't want to chase down a bouquet, it is in your right to abstain," says Gottsman. "You shouldn't be chastised into doing it." But she warns that standing off to the side with your arms crossed or shaking your head at those clamoring for the coveted bouquet will come off as rude. Just quietly slip off to the ladies' room when the time comes if you'd rather not participate. (credit:Alamy)
Your Registry Information Should Be Shared Only By Word Of Mouth (06 of10)
Open Image Modal"It used to be considered bad etiquette to spread the news of the registry any way other than by word of mouth," says Naylor. "But that rule was created when everyone going to the wedding lived a couple blocks from each other." Now, she says, guests appreciate having these details on the wedding website so they don't have go searching for where a couple is registered -- it's actually bad etiquette not to post this information. While this rule has changed over time, Gottsman says it is still in poor taste to put any gift-giving guidelines on your wedding invitations. (credit:Shutterstock)
You Can't Ask For Cash(07 of10)
Open Image ModalOut-Of-Town Guests Must Be Invited To The Rehearsal Dinner(08 of10)
Open Image ModalWhile the rehearsal-dinner tradition began as a pre-wedding meal for those just in the wedding party, it's evolved into more of a welcome dinner for the out-of-town guests. Naylor says this shift can put a huge financial burden on couples, as the rehearsal dinner becomes "almost like a second wedding." To cut costs and avoid offending anyone, she suggests giving out-of-towners a list of restaurants in the area where they can go to dinner on their own or planning an evening cocktail party in lieu of a dinner. "It will cost less, and it will still give guests something to eat and something to do," she says. (credit:Alamy )
Unattached Guests Over 18 Should Get A "Plus One"(09 of10)
Open Image ModalAs another way to trim their wedding budgets, "many couples are not including 'plus ones' for their single guests," says Lutman. This goes against the once-standard rule that unattached guests of a certain age should be allowed to bring a date. The tricky part about breaking this rule is deciding what constitutes "single" -- for example, a couple may have guests who are unmarried but live with their significant others. Naylor advises making a rule of inviting only "the non-married couples with whom you socialize." Though some guests might be offended, "it's one of those sticky things that is necessary in today's financial era," she says. (credit:Alamy)
You Have A Year to Send Thank-You Notes(10 of10)
Open Image ModalAccording to Naylor, this rule dates back to the days when it was customary to include a wedding photo with your thank-you notes -- and when getting those pictures from the photographer took at least six months. Now that photos are digital and take about half that time to receive, couples should put pen to paper two to three months after they say their "I do's." In fact, Naylor adds that couples are now expected to write a personal message to guests rather than just the standard "thank you for coming," so it's best to get a jump on those notes while the details of the night are still fresh. (credit:Shutterstock)
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