Man Freezes Himself Until Release of the <i>Dark Knight Rises</i>

Newark, N.J. -- After watching the official trailer for The Dark Knight Rises earlier today, Larry Hake, 24, asked to be put in a cryogenic state at The University Hospital at Newark. Mr. Hake elected to freeze himself with no promise of revival, because he could not bear to wait another six months for the final installment of the Nolan-directed Batman series.

"What's the point?" said Mr. Hake as cryoprotectants were administered to his body in order to prevent freezing. "I have a shitty clerical job and no girlfriend. My life is a desert broken only by the occasional oasis that is Christopher Nolan."

Cryogenicists at The University Hospital at Newark, N.J., preserved Mr. Hake's body in low temperature, and will attempt to resuscitate him in July, just ahead of the movie's release.

"Yeah, I mean, there's no guarantee," said Dr. Sanjuanita Perkins, head of cryonics and cryopreservation research at The University Hospital at Newark. "In fact, he'll probably kick the ole bucket. This stuff is just theory and experiments right now. But I get it. I don't want to wait for The Dark Knight Rises either. It looks freaking badass."

Mr. Hake has attempted freezing himself before. When the Inception trailer first leaked, he submerged himself in an ice bath he drew in his tub and took a few Tylenol PMs.

"It didn't work," he said. "Or did it?"

Originally featured inThe Daily Pygmy.