ComedyjesusCrossfit

CrossFit With Jesus Will Give You The Body Of An Angel

"We all have our own cross to bear, but when I bear mine, I engage my obliques."
Open Image Modal
By 

Writer, HuffPost

CrossFit. Like being vegan, you won’t have to ask anyone about it: They’ll be sure to tell you. But if you feel you’re not getting the divine inspiration from your CrossFit experience, you might want to try:

Open Image Modal
Funny Or Die

Comedy group The Kloons introduce CrossFit with Jesus. It’s the best way to burn calories, save perhaps for an eternity in the pits of Hell!

Our 2024 Coverage Needs You

As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.

Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.

to keep our news free for all.

Support HuffPost

Before You Go

Donald Trump Vs. Jesus Christ
(01 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you.”
Trump: “When people wrong you, go after those people, because it is a good feeling and because other people will see you doing it. I always get even.” (credit:Getty/HuffPost)
(02 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Trump: “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall.” (credit:Getty HuffPost)
(03 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: "The King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"
Trump: "I'm putting people on notice that are coming here from Syria as part of this mass migration, that if I win, they're going back!" (credit:Getty / HuffPost)
(04 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: “Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Trump: "Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -- and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure, it's not your fault.” (credit:Getty/HuffPost)
(05 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
Trump: "Why do I have to repent, why do I have to ask for forgiveness if [I'm] not making mistakes?" (credit:Getty / HuffPost)
(06 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."
Trump: "I’m in total support of waterboarding. It has to be within the law, but I have to expand the law." (credit:Getty/HuffPost)
(07 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."
Trump: "I fully think apologizing is a great thing. But you have to be WRONG ... I will absolutely apologize sometime in the hopefully distant future if I'm ever wrong." (credit:Getty/HuffPost)
(08 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."
Trump: “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.” (credit:Getty / HuffPost)
(09 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Trump: "Part of the beauty of me is that I'm very rich." (credit:Getty/HuffPost)
(10 of10)
Open Image Modal
Jesus: "This is my body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of me. …This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you."
Trump: "When I go to church and when I drink my little wine and have my little cracker, I guess that is a form of forgiveness. I do that as often as I can because I feel cleansed." (credit:Getty / HuffPost)
Suggest a correction
|
Submit a tip