'The Stuff' (1985)(01 of15)
Open Image ModalIt's not quite ice cream, it's not quite yogurt -- but it comes from beneath the earth's core, controls your mind and makes you explode in a vomitous fury. (At least it's better than Miracle Whip.)
'Donkey Punch' (2008)(02 of15)
Open Image ModalDebaucherous partygoers smoke, drink and film anything they can look up on UrbanDictionary.com -- and to the surprise of everyone, it does not end well.
'It's Alive' (1974)(03 of15)
Open Image ModalA mutant killer baby claws its way home to mommy and daddy; if you think that's scary, just wait 'til it turns 18 and you get a look at its college tuition rates! Agh!
'Jack Frost' (1996)(04 of15)
Open Image ModalA serial killer gets reincarnated as a snowman and goes on a murderous spree. Man, they really need to control these frenzied crowds during the Christmas shopping season!
'One-Eyed Monster' (2008)(05 of15)
Open Image ModalA porn crew, stranded in a snowstorm, is slaughtered by the disembodied privates of adult film star Ron Jeremy. (sighs) Yes, really.
'Death Bed: The Bed That Eats' (1977)(06 of15)
Open Image ModalWe don't ask for much in our trippy, low-budget '70s movies about beds that eat people, we just ask for them to be a little more coherent than this "film."
'Night of the Lepus' (1972)(07 of15)
Open Image ModalTownsfolk are terrorized by giant, man-eating rabbits. There has to be subtler ways to sell us on buying more canned rabbit meat.
'Black Sheep' (2006)(08 of15)
Open Image ModalThis time, the townsfolk are terrorized by genetically engineered, man-eating sheep. So, basically, don't bother going outside ever again.
'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead' (2006)(09 of15)
Open Image ModalA fast food chain is attacked by zombiefied customers possessed with the vengeful spirits of slaughtered chickens (we knew all this and still weren't prepared for how stupid it was).
'Frankenhooker' (1990)(10 of15)
Open Image ModalNothing we can say about this movie can top Bill Murray's (real) endorsement: "If you see one movie this year, it should be 'Frankenhooker.'"
'Uncle Sam' (1996)(11 of15)
Open Image ModalA Desert Storm soldier, killed by friendly fire, returns from the grave to dispense cruel justice on anyone who is "unpatriotic"; Dick Cheney called it "the feel good movie of the year."*
* Joke supplied by guest writer Billy Crystal.
'Killer Condom' (1996)(12 of15)
Open Image Modal(shakes head) No, just no.
'Evil Bong' (2006)(13 of15)
Open Image Modal... Honestly, this is getting kind of exhausting.
'The Gingerdead Man' (2005)(14 of15)
Open Image ModalThey made two sequels to this -- "Passion of the Crust" and "Saturday Night Cleaver" -- but Gary Busey didn't return for either. The quality of the scripts must have really dropped off.
'Monsturd' (2003)(15 of15)
Open Image Modal...
We don't want to to live on this planet anymore.